Here She Is….

April 30, 2006 at 10:56 pm (Uncategorized)


Tsarina

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And So It Is – Rated R

April 27, 2006 at 9:29 pm (Uncategorized)

I do have a MySpace account which I had to set up in order to comment on my friend Beanie’s blog and now Sidra and appears a half a dozen other bloggers from blogspot. I did NOT know it was a quasi-dating service.

Goofy Guy does not have my home address but having grown up across the tracks from where I live, he has a pretty good IDEA of where I live just not exactly. Fear not, Goofy Guy has not contacted me since he e-mailed me following our horrible lunch date, saying, “You’re very sweet.” No, buddy, I’m not sweet. I may be many things, but “sweet” is not a word I would use to describe myself. Kittens, puppies, and other furry mammal babies are sweet, I am not. Okay, he also called me, which I ignored. His message, “If you’re not too busy, maybe we can … blah, blah, blah.”

Too busy? Too busy would not begin to describe my life right now.

On to other matters at hand.

Nate has been suspended from school for one day for yelling at his teacher. He is still alive and breathing and at his father’s house. The range of emotions I have experienced today I would not wish on my worst enemy or even Goofy Guy. I’m still in a partial rage.

On the bright side, I’ve channeled that rage into cleaning my house. It’s working.

I talked to Troy last night. Remember Troy? Former JAG? Hot? Yeah, him. Sorry, ladies, he is off the market. He’s dating an Australian diplomat. I was extremely happy to hear this as he is one of my best good friends and one that I wish a multitude of happiness for. If anyone deserves a hot, blonde Australian diplomat, it’s Troy. I was angry yesterday too, and Troy had been drinking wine (what IS IT with my friends drinking wine this week???) so he was all mellow and laid back, well, he’s that way all the time, so I mellowed out from some of my anger last night, but not totally. Nate was able to spike right up there again today.

I’m pissed off at “Tsarina,” the necklace, not the blogger. It’s not turning out the way I want it to. The pressure is building. I’ll post more pics this weekend, hopefully, along with the other pieces I have been working on. I want to send them out by the middle of next week. Yeah, and Nate lost one of the pieces. Fuck.

I’m irritated with one of my co-workers. I can’t begin to rage about it.

It’s a “Fight and Fuck” day. A day where you pick a fight so you can have hot, violent make-up sex. Did I say “violent?” I meant, “intensely passionate.” Actually, I did mean “violent.” Ass slapping, nipple pinching, hair-pulling, sweating, swearing, wrestling, back against the wall, legs wrapped around the waist, slamming, primal, cataclysmic, orgasmic fucking. For those of you for whom this is normal, may the Lord and Lady bless you in all you do.

Well, I’m still pissed, I think I’ll go clean the toilet. Hoo-rah.

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I Am Brain Dead

April 27, 2006 at 1:00 am (Uncategorized)

Pardon if I don’t make sense.

I had a date with a guy I disliked before we went on our date (this was like, two weeks ago). Here’s how. We’ve been e-mailing back and forth on MySpace for a few months. Nice guy, seemed like anyway, six kids, three that live with him, Okay, I’m down with it. We had talked of just meeting for lunch and discussed this over a period of months and then it took me three weeks to answer his last e-mail. Just busy.

So, we exchange digits and he calls me, we talk, blah, blah, but still, I’m not feelin’ much. The guy is kinda goofy. Well… one night I had talked to everyone and my Mom… AZ, T-Bird, Celti, e-mailed Seven, e-mailed this person, e-mailed that person, beaded, talked to Jeff six times, chased Nate around, you know, my typical evening following eight hours of brain numbing document review. I stood up from my desk and I started weaving because I was so tired. Like tonight.

I’m laying in Nate’s bed, talking to T-Bird on my cellphone, when I hear the house phone ring. I get up, look at the ID and see Goofy Guy. Nope, I don’t answer, I let it go to voicemail. I’m too tired. Nate comes in crankin’ about wanting a Diet Dr. Pepper and lays down with me. My cellphone beeps. I look at the Call Waiting ID – Goofy Guy. I reject the call and send it to voicemail. Strike One – DO NOT TRACK ME DOWN VIA MY CELL PHONE UNLESS YOU KNOW ME WELL ENOUGH TO KNOW WHETHER YOU SHOULD.

Nate falls asleep, I hang up with T-Bird, listen to the message, “If you get this… blah, blah, call me.” I’m contemplating whether I should get out of bed and take my contacts out, get the clothes in off the line, and close and lock the front door or take my chances with eye fungus, wet clothes, and rapists and murderers when I hear the house phone ring again. It’s past the time anyone should call me. I’ve talked to a lot of people but I get up, go in the computer room and see it is… Goofy Guy. Strike Two – GIVE ME FUCKING TIME TO RETURN YOUR CALL OR ACCEPT THE FACT I’M NOT CALLING YOU BACK TONIGHT. I snatch the phone up, tell him I was laying down with Nate, I’m tired, I don’t feel like talking, good night. Yeah, I’m a bitch. Bite me.

The reason he called THREE TIMES IN TWENTY MINUTES was because he was out for a walk (IN MY FUCKING NEIGHBORHOOD – he lives about a mile from me). STRIKE THREE, YOU’RE OUT!! See, peeps, this is my space and I make that very, very clear to just about anyone who knows me. THIS. IS. MY. SPACE.

You don’t come into my space unless you receive an invitation (unless you happen to be AZ, in that case, you call and tell me you’re pulling up to my house, but, I’ve known him for 14 years). So, even though, right off the bat, I made it perfectly, crystal ass clear that I do not, will not, and shall not, invite him over for tea on the first date, nor on the second, nor perhaps at anytime, or until such a time that I am comfortable having him in MY. SPACE. he just up and decides he will try to circumvent that by “strolling by.” *Yeah!*

That, my children, is called a “boundary.” It is an important boundary to me because I am extremely motherfucking anal about my fucking space in this world. Now, you all know, just as he did when he thought he would “take a walk in my neighborhood” and “thought” he would stop by to see me, just because he might not have anything better to do. Nuh uh.

So, I wake up and think I’m being harsh and I should at least give an hour lunch date a try and try to get along with other people. It was a nightmare and just solidified what I already knew. Goofy Guy and I were totally NOT COMPATIBLE. The lunch date sucked for a MULTITUDE of reasons. I told AZ later, “I thought I was lonely, but I take it back. Dear Lord, I TAKE IT BACK! I. TAKE. IT. BACK!!”

AZ’s response: “So, you were visited by the Shit Monster, too?”

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Okay, I’m Tired

April 25, 2006 at 9:46 pm (Uncategorized)

I can’t even think of something decent to write. Maybe I’ll try again tomorrow.

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Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon

April 22, 2006 at 11:47 pm (Uncategorized)

AZ stopped by last night for a little porch time. I brought up the conversation we had had the night before, about “Why is that?” Why is it that we end up coming full circle and just can’t quit each other.

His reaction was more body language than spoken. He put his palms to the sky, shrugged, shook his head, bowed it down, and wouldn’t look at me. Defensive? Submissive? Both. It’s hard to talk about things you don’t want to admit. Things that scare you.

I had been leaned back in my chair very relaxed, but I leaned forward, kissed his mop of hair, threaded my hands around the back of his neck, and whispered, “It’s okay if we don’t know, right?” He nodded. “It’s okay if we can’t explain it, right?” He nodded. “Then we’re fine.” He nodded.

But we both know. We could explain it. But we wouldn’t be fine with it if we did.

Far Away – Nickelback from All The Right Reasons

This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there’s just one left
‘Cause you know,
you know, you know

That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you’ll be with me
and you’ll never go
Stop breathing if
I don’t see you anymore

On my knees, I’ll ask
Last chance for one last dance
‘Cause with you, I’d withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I’d give it all
I’d give for us
Give anything but I won’t give up
‘Cause you know,
you know, you know

That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you’ll be with me
and you’ll never go
Stop breathing if
I don’t see you anymore

So far away
Been far away for far too long
So far away
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know

I wanted
I wanted you to stay
‘Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
‘Cause I’m not leaving
Hold on to me and
never let me go

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Back and Forth

April 21, 2006 at 1:25 am (Uncategorized)

Cardiologists says: This EKG is bad.

Nate’s pediatricians says: There is nothing wrong with the EKG. Something is wrong with Mr. Nathanial. No caffeine (wags fingers), no carbonation at all. No pop, no chocolate. We’ll send him to pediatric cardiologist to have him wear the halter monitor.

She said also that it is probably not the Adderall. (Most likely it’s the pop we give him to tweak the Adderall.) Since Nate had another episode this morning, she said since he has been off the medication for almost two weeks, it is probably not.

I’m not convinced of much but I’ll take what I get at this time. One small sigh of relief.

*****

Talked to AZ this evening. Laughed my guts out. We’re still working on actually seeing each other in the flesh. We’ll get there. But, you know, he throws this shit out sometimes that takes me off guard. For example, we were discussing the fact that we have continued to tell ourselves for the past 14 years, “Just one more time, then I’m gonna quit you.” Both knowing, that’s a crock of hooey, and we’re gonna come back around.

He asks, “Why is that?”

“W-W-What?”

Deep, low voice “Why is that?”

*Silence*

Thinking to self: Why is he digging beneath the surface? I like the surface. The surface doesn’t ask questions. The surface is what it is. Is he fishing? What’s he fishing for? Why did he ask this fucking question?

I did finally answer him. In a nutshell – I know he’s not going to turn into a stalker or an annoying whining jerk-off, and, most importantly, I can be myself. (Not to mention he’s HAWT, and we have this attraction to one another, and attitude, we both have this ATTITUDE, he has more attitude than I do, but ya know, it’s there.) But still, most importantly, I can expose the facets of my personality, one after another, in random order, in varying intensities, and he keeps up.

Yeah, funny though that he didn’t answer his own question. Hmmmmm… he said for me to call him tomorrow after 11:00. Although I have a feeling, the answer will be about the same.

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Silver Linings

April 19, 2006 at 11:07 pm (Uncategorized)

#1

Instead of having a sudden cardiac death, Nate is still around to love and be loved. Huge silver lining.

#2

Celti, for answering my call for help with my business cards and brochures. She’s worked up a beautiful design and has been beyond, just beyond, anything you could imagine.

#3

Seven, for answering my e-mail for my website design. He speaks a language I don’t understand at times, and it’s not Cajun, but has taken Celti’s design and has been working on the perfect look for my new website with perks.

#4

An angel, who prefers not to be named, for being overtly generous and helping me out with a slight logistical problem and ensuring that I nabbed a ticket to Houston for Blogmeet. Exactly, why aren’t you coming with me???

#5

AZ, for understanding my other logistical problems and just for understanding me, period.

#6

You. For understanding when I don’t answer your e-mails on time, miss your calls, forget to change your link, forget to visit, and sometimes, forget to link you at all. Thanks for understanding how full and crazy my life is right now and that eventually life will tilt and be back in some semblance of balance, which for me, is about 15 degrees off anyway. You’re appreciated.

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The Anti-Drug

April 18, 2006 at 11:02 pm (Uncategorized)

Finally got a doctor to read Nate’s EKG. Left ventricular hypertrophy, meaning his left ventricle has thickened, making it harder for his heart to beat regularly. Yes, it’s probably a side effect of the Adderall. Where do we go from here? No idea. Guess we’ll find out when we talk to the cardiologist.

Just yesterday, Nate laid his head on my shoulder and asked if it was okay at his age to like girls.

How they break your hearts, and never know it.

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More

April 17, 2006 at 9:59 pm (Uncategorized)

More beads … purple/perwinkle

Seraphinite
I think this is onyx or obsidian with Swarovskis
Jade with size 15s – the smaller the bead, the happier I am.
More beads, more colors, more Swarovskis. I did have them all separated by color and which ones would be used with what but then just mixed them all up to take the picture, except the 15s and 11s. I’ll separate them again when I begin beading.

The jade and 15s are going to be two things: difficult and incredible. I really want a design that kicks ass. I’m thinking of a lily-like flower made from the four colors with the jade as the hanging centerpiece. But, if anyone has any other ideas, for any of the beads you see, please, pass them my way.

These, of course, are not the only beads I have but these are the newest and frankly the lightest and brightest as I was going for spring and summer. I also purchased the light blue turquoise (not to be confused with the blue with the purples, two different colors), red, orange, and silver (actually rhodium) to make a necklace with a “Southwest” feel to go with that incredible turquoise top I bought with the Wonderbra.

I also bought the beads to make Regan’s wedding necklace but she hasn’t approved the colors yet and besides, a bride should see her own beads and necklace before everyone else. So sayeth Nanner.

As you know, I name all of my pieces, or did you know that? Well, I do. And, after some thought, I have decided to name my new purple piece for my good blogger buddy, Tsarina. After all, Tsarinas are Russian royalty and purple is the color of royalty. Plus, she just found out she’s pregnant. Go tell her congratulations.

I have worked more on “Tsarina” and will update with photos tomorrow.

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Happy Hop-Hop Day

April 16, 2006 at 11:07 pm (Uncategorized)

And all that stuff. Hope you had a good one. Nate’s off on Spring Break but is SUPPOSED to be staying with Jeff the whole week annnnnd guess who’s asleep on the couch? Yeah, Nate.

Anyway, had my big bead trip to Columbus on Saturday. Twelve hours. Since it’s only a three hour drive, I guess you could say, I got my money’s worth. And, a lot of money it was. However, I can make that back with two pieces and I got enough beads for … a lot.

The prized conquest of the trip was a cabochon, defined as a highly polished, convex cut, unfaceted gemstone, of charoite. Charoite : Charoite is an unusual mineral and of rare occurrence. It is found to date in only one location: along the Chary (Chara?) River at Aldan (Siberia) in Russia. It formed from alteration of limestones by the close presences of an alkali-rich nephline syenite intrusion. The heat, pressure and more importantly, the infusion of unique chemicals into the rock is responsible for the transformations into new minerals such as charoite. Why charoite has not been found in other locations is not fully understood. But it is probably due to a combination of a chemically unique limestone reacting with a chemically unique intrusion and subjected to unique physical conditions.

Charoite is used as an ornamental stone and as a gemstone. It forms a swirling pattern of interlocking crystals. The color of charoite is described as a stunning lavender, lilac, violet and/or purple. All can be used as all are probably present in every swirling example. The look of charoite is unlike any other mineral and can’t be mistaken. It has the appearance of purple marble, but really defies description. Its popularity would probably be much greater if not for its “synthetic” character. It simply looks unnaturally beautiful.

Yes, I have pictures. I also picked up a smaller cabochon of seraphinite (also spelled: saraphinite). Also from Russia, also iridescent, but green and iridescent white. No pic right now.

I visited three different bead shops in the Columbus area, picking up a little bit of this and a little bit of that, and a whole lotta that at one in particular – Byzantium. *Sigh* I spent over two hours in there. I could have spent 24.

Anyway, since peeps always want pics and they always want to know, “How do you do that??” A pictorial/tutorial for you. Hop Hop!

First, cement your cabochon to a piece of felt.

Then get your beads ready and your pretty matching thread. (The lightest lilac was not used)

Then you backstich beads around the cab.

Then again…

And again…

Cut the felt away and add loops…

Intertwine another loop and this part is done. More as the project progresses.

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