One Week

July 10, 2010 at 12:01 am (Attitude in Overdrive, Crazy Shit, Grad School, My Travels, Nate, Work, Writing)

One week and I am outta here! This time next week I’ll be eating my first meal with my new classmates and advisors, being welcomed into my graduate program. Oh my hell. I CAN’T WAIT!!!

I’m getting ready to apply for a teaching position, exactly where I want to teach. They have openings and not only can I use my upcoming writing degree, I can also use my criminal justice degrees. I would be happy to use both for the time being, however, I plan on using my writing degree more later. I have a vision.

There have been not so good developments around the familial structure. Nate and I were at the local grocery story, in our town, and Nate came running to me in the aisle and said, “My father is here.”  What the fuck?

Nate’s sister also works at this grocery store and Nate goes in search of her and this is when she tells him, “I’m living with father.”  Huh?  According to her she got tired of being the adult in her relationship with her mother. This I can understand, however, am not sure exactly how horrible it could be that she would choose to go live with Jeff.

Nate was supportive and non-judgemental but not in any mood to reconcile with their father the way she has, if she has at all. She has issues, not that Nate doesn’t, but her’s are of an entirely different nature. 

For Nate’s part he was sweating, I could smell him, noticeably nervous, and he told me his knees were knocking.  He also told me on the way home that he was sure his father had learned his lesson, after all, his father had been sitting home alone for over a year.  Ha, oh my naive child… I can’t in any way imagine Jeff has changed at all.

Nate said, “I don’t think I’m ready to see him again.”  Glad he figured that out. I was just really pissed off. Not scared just really irritated.  I stopped at the end of the aisle he was standing in and watched him for a moment. He appeared to be reading the blurb on a book. It took everything I had in me not to walk past him. This was before we really knew what was going on.

Ugh.

Back to happier notions. One week. I’m out of here. Everything is a go. The only thing left is travel arrangements to Columbus. Not sure if T-Bird is taking me or I’m just going to leave my car there. T-Bird is still unemployed but hopeful. Although I’m fairly certain she won’t be employed within one week, she may be employed by the time I come home, which is on a Sunday, so it won’t matter. Luckily this is something that is easily changed.

I have about five to-do lists. packing lists, lists, lists, lists. And in between all of this, I got a new tattoo.  That’s about it. There probably is more but right now I’m watching that new Stephen King based story on Syfy called “Haven.” It’s quite good. Nate and I are enjoying it very much. Oh, and he had a birthday. He’s now 14.

He hadn’t seen his sister for about two months and she couldn’t believe how much taller he is than she is and that his voice was so much deeper.  She almost cried. He’s at least two inches taller than she is and working on even more. He has stretch marks all over his legs. He just keeps growing and his voice just keeps getting deeper.

I’m really excited to learn more about my fellow classmates. I know a little about a few, a couple already have doctorates. One was a gallery manager in Los Angeles, one is an educator in Colorado, one has her own business, one is an educator in Hawaii, one is the daughter of a well known Seattle anarchist, one works in Process Oriented Psychology, I think one is  a Director of Development with an opera, and that is all I could derive from Google and e-mail addresses.  I think there are some like me, just regular folks, or young students transitiong from under-graduate.

I’m already fascinated by these people I don’t know. I wonder if they are as fascinated by me, although if you Google my real name, a woman with the same name who is very, very successful pops up. I am not her. I am successful too,  just not in the same way.

I also got a new netbook, which I’m practicing writing on right now. The keyboard is 93% of a regular keyboard but is still just small enough that I had to cut my fingernails to type efficiently. They needed cut anyway. I like the fact it is very small and so far I’m very pleased with it. Nate will be using it for school also. It’s an Acer Aspire One.  2.8 lbs. 

Still trying to decide on wardrobe other than COMFORTABLE!  So far, the weather forecast is looking excellent!!!  65, 68, and 70 for the highs, low to mid 50s for the lows.  That’s just for the first three days. I check it everyday. Much better than the 101 degrees we had here yesterday.  It finally rained here. Now Nate will have to cut the grass before we leave.  It is supposed to be in the mid to upper 80s for the next 10 days, well, 7 for me, then I’ll be hanging out by Puget Sound.

That reminds me, in addition to all of the bus schedules, maps, and financial aid information, I still need to print out the tides so I know which route to take back from town. I have picked out two nice restaurants, one for sushi and one very similar to the type that I work at.

I’m looking forward to the time difference, at least for the first couple of days so I will be up ealier than anyone and hopefully can catch low tide and sunrise at Point Hudson. Can’t wait to walk on the beach and go beachcombing. The water is too cold to swim in from what I understand, not that I care much for saltwater swimming… gag, however, I do enjoy just walking a long the beach and looking for treasures.  Because my swim suit is very small and light I will include it for possible sunbathing.

And I’m looking forward to meeting my advisor and the program director is also a medium!  He’s giving a class that I’m looking forward to and feel very fortunate to have the opportunity to work with him. 

I could skip. I could wear my hair in braids. Now, if only I could direct this energy to cleaning my house…  ugh.

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Team Emmett!

June 29, 2010 at 2:12 am (Alice in Chains, Attitude in Overdrive, Grad School, My Travels, Work)

Everyone is so into the Team Jacob versus Team Edward. I’m on Team Emmett. What a happy-go-lucky vampire! And he’s funny, and a brute. Yeah, totally on Team Emmett.

Worked a long time today. I guess they forgot to schedule a cocktail server so they asked me to stay. It was busier than hell! Worked my butt off.

On the countdown for Washington, two weeks and three days. My pre-registration is complete, I have my new suitcase, I have my plane ticket, I have my financial aid, I have a babysitter. I still need to get my transportation from Seattle to Port Townsend taken care of and I really want a  new netbook. Time will tell on that one.

I still love Alice because some things never change.

I JUST CAN’T FREAKIN’ WAIT TO GET TO WASHINGTON!!!!!

Land of Forks, and Cullens, and Quileute.

AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!  WHY AM I NOT ALREADY THERE???? Land of seafood and lighthouses and fog. Land of mountains and sand and sea.

Do you realize “An Officer and a Gentleman” was filmed there?

Do you know how beautiful it is there?

What?  Do you not see the shirt he’s wearing – SEATTLE.  Plus, I mean, it’s Jerry Cantrell, and he’s sexy in his Seattle shirt. And he looks happy!  None of that posed, serious rocker… just someone enjoying what they’re doing… with a very hot goatee.. and badass muscular arms… Jerry makes an excellent muse.

And so will the Northwest. Jeebus… am I there yet???

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I Really Suck at Dating…

June 26, 2010 at 9:02 am (General, Nate, Relationships, Work, Writing)

But I’m getting better, at least at picking my dates.

We had a really great time and we were also real about the chances our relationship is going to succeed. I know, talking about our chances and they aren’t that good but still just moving right along.  First, there is quite an age difference. He hasn’t owned up to how old he is but his eldest son is five years younger than I am. Not that he looks it or acts it, which is a good thing.  He’s probably 60+.

Then, as he pointed out, we’re at different places in our lives. He has four grandsons and I’m still raising my first child. I’m starting grad school and he’s already retired from one company and works for another.  He’s going through a divorce and I’ve never even stepped into the ring once. I know his soon-to-be ex-wife and I really like her. He was a widow for almost 25 years before he married her. I think their divorce is a tragedy but also the best thing for both of them.

We laughed when Nate started texting me about when I was coming home. He said that paternalism is only going to get stronger. Having raised two boys by himself, he knows what I’m going through with being a single parent. Nate sounds much different than his step-son, for which I am grateful, because his step-son and his actions is one of the reasons he’s getting divorced.

He seems to feel as though I’m going to meet a Native American in Washington and move lock, stock, and barrel to the Northwest. I told him if that were so I hoped he looked more like Jacob Black than Harry Clearwater.  I lost him with that.

We talked about our reactions should we bump into each other at the Bistro dating other people, which we were both cool with and intend on dating other people. Well, he does. He’s the first date I’ve enjoyed that I’ve found in this town. 

Speaking of my trip to the NW, everyone is like, “Oh, it rains so much up there…”  Port Townsend lies in the Olympic Mountain Rain Shadow so it only receives 16-18 inches of precipitation a year, by comparison, where I live now gets about 44 inches of precipitation a year.  That isn’t to say the sun shines more, just that the clouds don’t pee as much. Plus, the high temperature doesn’t even reach 70. Still taking my raincoat!

I am so looking forward to this trip. I can’t even begin to express it.  I’m getting myself a new netbook, hopefully. Money is tight right now. I had to expend a great deal to get me there and work is up and down. Still can make do with my old laptop but she’s much heavier and Nate can use the Netbook for school as well. Still have to arrange transportation from Seattle to Fort Worden. Other than that, I think I’m good.

Bought a new suitcase that meets all of the requirements for domestic and international flights because Lady knows I’m not paying MORE money for them to carry my luggage. My mother said that if anyone can make do with a carry-on piece of luggage for over a week, it is me. Yes, it is.  Nate is still lobbying to go although he knows he can’t. He likes to give me a hard time but I know it’s because he wants to hang out with me and that makes me feel good.

I’m taking him to the one place I know he’ll have fun – the Taste of All at FestivALL. I can’t imagine getting more bang for my buck with him than at a food tasting expo. The restaurant will be there so he will have even more of an opportunity to get food. I can’t keep him fed. He has stretch marks really bad on his knee caps, all the way up his legs, and now they’ve migrated below the knee. Just a testament to how fast he’s growing.

He hasn’t had his medicine since right before school let out. Since he’s growing so fast I wanted him to be able to eat all he needed and wanted. Hasn’t put on a pound!  Brat. He’s been a little annoying without the meds, more so just… HYPER!  I’ve tried and tried and tried to get him interested in a sport, ANY SPORT, to no avail. I take him swimming and I’m taking him bowling as soon as I can.

Gotta go to work. Ya’ll take care.

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Argh!

June 24, 2010 at 12:46 pm (AZ, Empathy, Family, Music, My Travels, Nate, Relationships, T-Bird, Work, Writing)

So, as always when working on blog posts, I run into the problem of cats stepping on the computer and erasing everything I’ve written. Now that I’ve written it once, I don’t feel like writing it again. That Stream of Conscious has hit the River of Thought and is gone.

I was writing about my brother and my son. My relationship with my brother will never be what I want it to be because my brother doesn’t want a relationship with us. And, my son suffers from education depression and is unmotivated.  There isn’t anything I can do about the first, but the second I’m working on. I have a feeling his 504  next year will look very different than last years.

Nate has more motivation now, motivation to learn, but that doesn’t mean he’s excited about learning and learning to his potential. If that makes sense. I’ve been reading a book that my friend Vince recommended called, “The Mind of Boys,” and it has been very helpful. Although I wish I had discovered it a long time ago. It is also very helpful for someone who will be teaching boys.

Things are sort of… up in the air right now. Although I’ve had my issues at work, I do love my job. However, I also need to teach for my graduate degree and I’m attempting to get my feet under me to accomplish that. I need to make a decision but don’t feel I’m in the position to make it yet. Argh!

I haven’t mentioned AZ for a while. We see each other for lunch on occasion and he wrote one of my recommendations for graduate school. It made me teary-eyed. I think one of the most important things he put in there was how inspiring I was to him. I chose to believe him instead of  thinking he was bullshitting.  When I think back over the course of our very long relationship, I can see why he would write that and the small strides he is making toward being the person he wants to be instead of allowing himself to be tossed about by everyone elses currents.

T-Bird went back to school and she is searching for a job. Even in our job market, which has not taken the recession as hard as others, this is tough. People are so desperate for jobs that she is getting low-balled, even with the experience and job training that she has had. It’s scary.

Things on the relationship front have changed since my last post. I’m not sure how to characterize it. One of my guests that I’ve known since I started working there asked me out. We’ve always had a good relationship and I like him, plus he really is a good kisser. I’m not sure though, I think he’s a bit too… something.  Problem is, he’s such an open book and I’m so good at reading him empathically, I know what he wants and what he’s thinking before he does.

Therefore, I already knows where it’s going, which I’m okay with. I’ll figure out more when we go out Friday. I don’t see it having long-term potential, which I’m also okay with. Most of the time, even more often now, moreso than before, this is the kind of short-term ride I pass up but this time I’m just going to jump on.  It’s too intriguing not to.

I have a feeling that once he figures out I can’t be fooled, he may just move on. 

I also like the fact that I can feel again. For long I’ve been blocked. I still am but only to a degree, only to the degree that I chose to be. For too long I’ve viewed the world through dispassionate eyes because it was easier than feeling the pain.  The pain isn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I suppose, thus far, I’ve lived through the worst of it. Losing my pets, AZ’s marriage,  the Court case with Jeff, all of which produced literal physical pain in addition to my emotional pain.

Now, I’m back to trouncing through it, roiling it up, and kicking its ass instead of fearing it.  One of my co-workers refers to me as Sarah Connor – not bad, not an ass, but badass.  I’m more Sarah Connor, flawed, human, and badass, and less like Wonder Woman. I like knowing I can be Sarah C0nnor and I don’t have to be Wonder Woman, although I do love the boots. But, combat boots will work too.

I need to go mow the grass before the storm hits.  I’ll leave you with some music and SURPRISE!  It is NOT Alice in Chains. One of my favorite lines from this song was what I posted on Facebook:  “Here we are buck naked, yeah, but where should we begin, when its not the flesh we’re after but the howling ghost within?”

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Hello… Is This Thing On?

March 1, 2010 at 12:23 pm (Alice in Chains, Attitude in Overdrive, Music, My Travels, Nate, Relationships, Work, Writing)

Hi, it’s me, Peach. I know, I haven’t been around and there is a good reason for that.

First, I’ve been writing a lot of fiction and some memoir and otherwise trying to get my shit together to apply to graduate school. I talked to an admissions counselor at my first choice college and I really, really liked his attitude and he seemed impressed with my perseverance. I am nothing if I am not perseverant, persistent, tenacious, pertinacious, stubborn, and obstinate. All of which mean the same thing … just a show of force.

I am also blogging because Evil Twin’s Wife asked me the other day if I was “ever going to post again.”  I suppose even though she can call me anytime and sometimes we hollow out an evening to sip wine and converse, it isn’t the same as reading my thoughtful commentary on life. Heh.

I am so thankful I feel the Earth finally warming up. I woke up this morning at 2:40 or so and felt the shift from winter to ….ahhhhh, almost Spring. I still think we’re in for a few more snow storms but none are on the horizon for this week. This is really good, because I’m leaving Wednesday morning to go see Alice in Chains in DC. I found out this morning that Huntington, WV is in the just announced new shows and I’m thrilled because I will be able to take Nate to his first AIC show! And, I get to see them again.  Win, win!

Which leads me into the next topic: Reality TV.  I read that Jerry and Sean are not a fans of Celebrity Rehab. Former Alice bassist, Mike Starr, is on the show this season. I am not a fan of reality TV. I don’t watch Idol, Survivor, Jon, Kate, Eight, Duggars, or any of the others. I feel I have enough drama in my own life, none of which I want. However, I knew that Mike was on the show this season, yet still did not watch it, until yesterday.

Since Jerry and Sean had expressed their disgust of the situation, I thought I may want to check it out. I watched the last three episodes first. I cried the whole time and it wasn’t a cathartic cry, it was a hurt cry. I was glad that I got to see and hear Layne Staley’s mother’s thoughts on Layne’s death and her encouragement to Mike. The family section was extreme and difficult. I’ve walked a mile in their shoes and the miles stretch on ahead of me.

It was so disturbing that I spent time just laying in the bathtub listening to Alice, contemplating the horrible ways that my life, my son’s life, and our psyches have been impacted by addiction and alcoholism.  I had tried to explain to T-Bird the other night what it was like to be alone raising your child, to have the responsibility that your decisions will forever impact their lives and that burden has shifted to your shoulders alone, at least, that’s the way it feels.

I also found the show disturbing because I identified so strongly with their stories that it brought all sorts of things to the surface for me. Not just in my relationship with addicts, but in my relationships with abusers and how I deal with things. I’ve talked to my counselor about things along those same lines and MacKenzie Phillips said something on there about not walking around pain but going through the middle of it.  That really hit home.

One of my worst faults is trying to pretend I don’t have feelings. If I work hard enough at convincing myself I don’t have feelings then no one can hurt them. Which is ridiculous, especially considering I am one of those people that wears their emotions on their face and I shoot it out of my eyes in all directions. (I have a sort of funny story about that.)

I am also well aware I have feelings, a shit-ton of them as a matter of fact. Some are sunny and happy, others, not so much. It’s dealing with the “not so much” that I have trouble with, that, and just admitting that I don’t have sunny, happy feelings and just admitting that shit hurts, a whole hell of a lot, and that I’m scared and frightened for myself and my son and where our lives are going. One thing to say it, another thing to actually process it and release it to a point where it doesn’t wake me up in the middle of the night.

Jerry and Sean were upset because they felt as though their friend, who is a serious, long time, poly drug abuser, is being exploited. I can’t say I agree with that because he knew he was going to be televised and agreed to all of that shit, at least to the degree that a drug addict can. He chose to make his private hell a public one. I’m not sure why, everyone has their own reasons. Plus, it IS reality TV and it doesn’t get much more exploitive than that.

Personally, I found it disturbing and not at all cathartic, just a reminder of what it is like to deal with addiction and how much it fucks you up. It reminded me of what it is like to be thrown away by an addict for their drug and that is a really shitty pain.  So it reminded me of the issues that I still have to work on, big deal. I’m reminded of that everytime I go to my counselor.

What also disturbed me were some of the comments on the message boards… “I’m so addicted to watching this show!” Well, obviously you’ve never dealt with an addict, lady.

Obviously you have never wished that a person in your life would be one of the ones to seek treatment.

However, what I did find the most interesting were the brain scans.  Jeff liked to point out to me that his liver enzymes were spot on, neener, neener. Well, you dumb fuck, your liver might be made of steel, but you have had more than one alcoholic seizure, just like the one Mindy McCready had. Yep, you may die with a healthy liver, but the alcohol is eating your brain away. Neener, neener.

I got stuck in traffic behind that fucktard the other day and he slowed down to like 20 mph. Like I WANTED to be stuck in traffic behind him, of all the fucking people in the world. Yep, that tends to bring things to the surface as well. Don’t you wish you were a fly on the wall at my counseling sessions??? Some sweet stuff goes on in there.

Okay, so let’s lighten this post a little. I will tell you the sort of funny thing I mentioned from above. As a server and bartender there are a couple of things that really irritate me. One is ignoring me when I come to your table.  I don’t even wait anymore. If you don’t acknowledge me, I will walk away and serve the other people in my section and I will come back to you when I’m done with them. I have no problem with waiting to take your order if you want to catch up with your friend, but you need to communicate that to me, not ignore me.

My next irritation is glass rattling. This most often occurs with glasses that have ice in them and it’s the sound of the ice rattling in the glass when you shake it at me. This form of non-verbal communication really pisses me off. I assure you I am not blind and can most certainly see that you need another drink and will also ask you if you would like the same.  The other night a young man shook his glass at me. It didn’t have ice in it, but it had the same effect. This young man had been fine until the point his friend showed up.

I felt my eyebrow go up and I’m certain I shot daggers out of my eyes because he got a look of , “Oh shit, I think I just fucked up.”  His glass stayed on the table for the rest of the evening and he was super polite.  I work very hard to keep a calm, composed look on my face, especially when it is busy. If I’m calm, then my guests are calm. If I look stressed, my tables will stress.

Such was the case as I attempted to take an order the other night, at the table beside of the glass rattler. There were six people at the table and one of the women was braying like a scalded donkey, I mean, laughing at everything the guy two seats away from her was saying in a loud and obnoxious manner. Sure, have fun, have all the fun you want, but please, not at the expense of every diner near you.

I had taken everyone else’s order and he kept on making jokes, the lady would bray, he would make a joke, the lady would bray, I felt like I was in Groundhog DayMinute. It was almost to the point where I was going to say, “I’ll come back for your order,” thus delaying all of the other orders at the table because of one jackass, when one of the other diners at the table said, “You know, she has other tables.” I almost swallowed my tongue.

The guy looked over and said, “You do?”

I smiled and said, “I do.”

The other diner added, “Several.”  Needless to say, the guy made a quick selection and moved on. This did not stop them from being so loud I was embarrassed for them, but it did give me the opportunity to serve the food and ship them off to the bar.

(Our bar at the restaurant.)  She was seated to the far right at the high top barely visible in this picture and I could hear her braying all the way at the service line in the back. It gave me a headache.

I don’t guess that really lightened things did it?  Oh, did I mention that RM is going to a different location so now I have another new RM? The good thing about old RM, although we had had some serious toe-t0-toe confrontations, was he knew what the hell he was doing. New RM? No. I think he’s trying a little but I also feel a great deal of apathy from him.  *Sigh*

I do have something for the “My Kid is Hilarious” file. When I tell Nate to do something (or not do something), he has gotten in the habit of mumbling under his breath, when I ask, as I always do, “What?” He looks up in all innocence and says, “What?” As though nothing as happened.  This makes me laugh out loud which is really just a way of squelching the desire to tuck his long-haired head under my arm pit and knuckle his head until we’re both bleeding.

This is getting more difficult as he is now just a mere 1/16th of an inch shorter than I am… with size 11 feet. Oy.

That’s all the love and happiness I can spread around today. Guess I’ll be back in another couple of months. Ya’ll take care.

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Going to the Ghosties… Again

October 29, 2009 at 11:45 pm (Crazy Shit, Work)

As all of you know, Nanner has weird tastes and that includes going to abandonded prisons and lunatic asylums, haunted houses, haunted towns, and just generally wherever the ghosties are. Last year, I took Nate and Cam to the Trans-Allegheny Lunatic Asylum. The Travel Channel finally got with the program and are broadcasting live tomorrow night from 8 p.m. to 3 a.m. or something like that. They are locking their Ghost Adventures guys in the asylum for seven hours.

Although I would like for you to watch, most definitely would love for you to watch the show, the real point of this post is that I’m going to be there!  No, not inside with the film crew, not hunting ghosties, no, not on TV, but I am going to be outside. Le Restaurant is catering the event and I volunteered to help chef with the 3 a.m. breakfast call. Actually, I just want to be there. I don’t care about going inside, I just want to be there. Jennifer Garner had her father’s birthday party at the restaurant and I missed all of the fun. Not this time!

Actually, I’ll be there from about 9:30 p.m.-ish to right after we finish with breakfast (for 130 – imagine eggs for a 130 peeps) which starts at the aforementioned 3 a.m. Then I will drive home (almost 2 hours), take a nap, and then go to work at 10 a.m. because I truly do belong at the Lunatic Asylum.

Watch the Travel Channel and also wish my good buddy Kenju a Happy Birthday!

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Jumping Into the Deep End

August 16, 2009 at 1:27 pm (Attitude in Overdrive, Music, Nate, Work, Writing)

As you know, I’ve applied for a big uppity job with the Fed’ral Gubbermint. I’ve made the decision that even if they call, I’m going to decline the interview. I’m not going to be happy working in an office full-time. Not now, not ever.  I can be intellectual, wear pretty clothes and high heels when I’m not serving and bartending, which makes me happy. Being on the move makes me happy. Writing, making jewelry, dancing, and just even thinking about fiddle playing, makes me happy.

Life is just too fucking short and if the Mayans are right, I have just 3 more years to pursue all the things that make me happy.  The biggest thing that made me realize this was when I got my Social Security statement in the mail.

The year before the fire I made $40K. The year of the fire I made $12K. I still paid the mortgage, I still kept the utilities on (sans Internet at times, but that’s not a utility), a car on the road, my son, myself, and the cats fed and pretty well taken care of.  Although I would be remiss not to mention that I also received over $2600 in child support and I used some of my house money to keep us going, but still, its no where near the $35K and $40K I made the years leading into 2007.

Things are tight, I don’t always get to travel like I want, Nate isn’t sporting a new Wii (yet), I still have a crapton of outstanding medical bills and debt, but generally I’m happier. Serving and bartending isn’t always the greatest job in the world, but its better than sitting in an office. Its not even what I do as a job that is important as what I do with the free time I have, and, the energy and motivation to do it.

Sure, Restaurant Manager and I are going to clash, this is nothing new. Some of my co-workers are going to be greedy fucks that make me want to slap them around a bit. Some of my co-workers are going to whine, be lazy, and generally get on my nerves, but, you have that everywhere.

Yes, I need a new car and a new roof on my house. I’ll get there. Nate’s window needs fixed as does the shingle on my roof.  So, I just signed up for all the free car ads on The Free Car, which has a membership of $40 for 5 years. Car payment or $40 to possibly drive my own car and get money (towards a new car) or a new car to drive for 3-6 months or even 2 years? Its worth looking into. I see cars around here with the ads on their cars so I know its available.

Like I said before, I’ve been submitting some of my writings to the local paper and 38 is never too old to really grab life by the balls and do what I’ve always wanted instead of what everyone else wants.  There was an ad in the paper for a writer for the local legal journal. Even then, I’m not so sure I would be happy. So, for now, I’ll be where I am with a new attitude.

Oh, and the funny thing… I told Nate that I wanted to learn to play fiddle and he looked at me with his, “Ya gotta be kiddin’ me, Momma,” look and said, “Well, I hope you install a soundproof wall.” I reminded him that he could just turn up the sound on the iTunes while I closed the door to the bedroom. He said, “Well, just don’t come out until you sound like Charlie Daniels.”  Yeah, no pressure there!

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Wilbur and Other Schtuff

August 3, 2009 at 12:16 am (AZ, Beading, Cats, Chico, Friends, Music, Work)

Many of you have wondered about the adorable Wilbur. Does he really have horse teeth? Does he really resemble a pink pig with an arachnid girlfriend? Actually, he looks more like a baby Ewok.

Wilbur…

Wilbur 006

Ewok baby…

ewok

Stunning, isn’t it?

I named him Wilbur because its just a ridiculous name and… well… he’s fat as a pig. Here he is with Chico.

Wilbur 007

It would appear that Wilbur is half Chico’s body size and you would be right.  Something is just wrong with the fact that my 2 1/2 week old kitten is half the size of my 5 1/2 month old dog.

Wilbur is still smaller than me.

Wilbur 003

Went to see a local production of “Rent” this afternoon. Rosie has one of the lead roles (he’s Mark) and we’re all ganging up and going to see him in spurts. It was excellent. With the talent we have around here, you don’t need to go to New York, plus you get to go backstage and hang with the actors and their families.

Wilbur 013 That’s Rosie’s sister with us. She rocks.

Oh yes, and there’s my new bling-bling.

Wilbur 009 This is the new necklace I made. I bought a book by Laura McCabe and took some projects she had and used it to make myself something. The stone is a vintage copper Swarovski triangle. I did have it in a ring, but it was crude so I popped it out and decided to make something to match the outfit I had on today.

I’m supposed to write AZ a letter and let him know how I feel. Funny, after all of those years of writing to him, I can’t find a thing to say other than, “YOU’RE A MORON!”  I think my counselor wants something a bit more than just, “You’re a moron!” 

Listening to “Rent” really helped give me a better perspective on things and I really just need to get a better attitude and look at the bright side, while dealing with the dark side. And give AZ a piece of my mind.

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Up To My Ankles

July 27, 2009 at 1:59 pm (Attitude in Overdrive, Nate, Work)

In paperwork. I’m applying for state benefits for Nate, applying to replace our Social Security cards, yes, two years after the fire, sending out a kickass resume for a Federal job that was in the paper Sunday (has my name written all over it), and printing and printing and printing information.

I’m surprised they don’t ask for piss and blood as well. I’m so irritated. I have to pay off $360 in medical bills before Nate can start the Aspergers evaluation process (four separate visits to the center). Do they think we don’t have jobs????  One visit to determine what tests he needs. Two more to do the actual evaluation, then another follow-up, then another follow-up separately with his psychiatrist, who was the ONE TO REFER ME IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!

I know this is an important thing, trust me. But at some point, you have to fucking wonder, how much of it is necessary and how much of it is to bleed cash.  And Jeff’s insurance is a joke, hence the need to apply for State benefits for Nate and I’m applying for Federal benefits as well.

I’m so tired of struggling under the weight of the bills and just everything. I figure I pay enough in taxes that I should get something in return.

Just so much paperwork!  Ugh. I’m not in the mood for it, but I have to. Just have to.

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Tired and Cranky

July 22, 2009 at 6:51 pm (Cats, Crazy Shit, Family, Nate, Work)

Had to be at work at seven this morning. It was pretty busy today as well.

I got home and found an invitation in the mail to my niece’s birthday party this Sunday at a spa. I’m not going.

First, I’m really tired and I’ve got so much shit on my plate I’ve had to upgrade to a platter.

Second, I’m not in the mood to deal with my parents, my brother, my sister-in-law or her family.

Third, neither my brother nor my sister-in-law could be bothered to remember Nate’s birthday and it really chaps my ass to get an invitation to this SPA PARTY for a FIVE YEAR OLD when they couldn’t make a simple fucking phone call to my son when he became a teenager, so, fuck ’em.

My psych doc likes my use of the phrase: Chaps my ass. She had never heard it before. I’m happy to educate her on the various ways I’ve either devised or picked up to express my distain.

Radar says its storming here, but its not.  Perhaps its storming on the other side of the house, because its not happening here.

I’m listening to one of my 32 Foreigner songs. Actually, I fibbed. At the time I wrote the last post, I was downloading “No End In Sight: The Very Best of Foreigner,” however, prior to that I had also downloaded “Girl on the Moon,” one of my very favorite Foreigner songs. So, I really have 33 Foreigner songs.

I’m not so happy at work. I love my job, I love my guests, its the rest I tire of. Its also getting to the point where I’m going to need a new car. During the summer my bills go up because of Nate’s daycamp, but I make less at work, and I can’t put any money back for a down payment much less a regular car payment and increased insurance.

Plus, by the time we’re in busy season, Nate will be in school and who knows what’s going to happen with Jeff and the Aspergers evaluation. More than anything, Nate needs me at home in the evenings and weekends. I figure I can survive five years working in an office again.

The time will be gone in the blink of any eye. So will my sanity, but hey, they give me drugs for that.

Nate has lost Wilbur (The One Kitten). My guess is his cranky Mama came in and stole him while Nate wasn’t watching. I’d better go and help him look. He won’t shut up until he finds them.

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