Wonderbra – Rated R

April 11, 2006 at 10:35 pm (Uncategorized)

I bought one today. I bought it because my bra strap broke. I did happen to be at a local store when it happened, purchasing clothing. I thought, “How fortunate, except, they only have two bras… and OH, how fortunate, one is in MY SIZE! But… it’s a Wonderbra…why in the FUCK does a size D cup need a Wonderbra?” Doesn’t matter, I need a bra. Holy Hera. I have more boobs than I thought I did and now, IT REALLY SHOWS!!

Not to mention, I had worn a sleeveless shirt under my blazer and it was in the 80s today and the law firm I work for does not allow sleeveless shirts so this is why I was shopping, not to mention, I just need some new clothes. Well, new to me since I was shopping at this consignment store.

I bought this really beautiful turquoise shirt that looks awesome on me, boobs and all, and all boobs that I was today. This is of course the day that one of the partners of said law firm that I’m working for decides to meet me (and the girls) for the first time. He noticed the Wonderbra, well, the girls in the Wonderbra. All of the women at headquarters must be flat-chested because he was acting like he’d never seen a pair before. That’s okay, because he was good looking, had that cute little gap between his teeth, I know he’s rich, and I was wondering what he was built like under his Levi’s. Yeah, I can’t wear a sleeveless shirt but he can wear Levi’s. The difference between the haves and the have nots.

AZ and I were yakkin’ about it and other things (other things being backrubs and blowjobs and how I think he could use both and I need to keep my skillz up, but you didn’t hear it here) and I mentioned that I could wear my Wonderbra whilst engaging in said, ummmmm, “Skillz Test,” and he said, “Well, you know, Wonderbra just means, ‘Gee, I wonder what’s under that bra.’” Which elicited a gut busting hearty laugh from me until I caught my breath and said, “So, we gonna help each other out?”

Deep, sexy makes-my-toes-curl voice “Let’s see what we can set up for next week.”

*Blink*

Did I just orgasm?

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Indecisive

April 9, 2006 at 10:57 am (Uncategorized)

My life can’t decide what it wants to do… go along really fast or screech to a halt. Or maybe the screeching to a halt is just really a normal pace.

Nate has been having a few problems with his heart rate speeding up on occasion so he had to have an EKG. He’s off his medication until we get the results back. That means life is moving at a faster pace. Much faster.

Colors and design have been chosen for Her Royal Evilness’s bridal necklace. Next weekend, if all is well, I’ll be going to Columbus, although many trips are in the planning phase, like Abingdon/Asheville, Pittsburgh, Houston (maybe), Baltimore, and Carrboro.

I have been beading quite a bit, as you can probably guess and have some new photos for your viewing pleasure. I bought two new beading books yesterday and I found some perfect beads to complete a piece I’ve been working on.

My love life sucks and my sex life sucks worse. Not much more I can say about that. So, here’s some pics so you all know why I haven’t updated my link and why I haven’t been around. Hope you all had a happy, relaxing weekend!


This is a purple dyed agate wrapped with pink with pink and magenta Swarovskis. The soon to be necklace protion is being beaded around a straw.


New cocktail ring. I changed the band to a flat two-drop peyote. Comfort level increase 100%.


Blogger won’t let me upload another ring I did. I’ll try to post it on my photoblog later.

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Figures

April 5, 2006 at 9:59 pm (Uncategorized)

I finally get the chance to read and comment on Blogger and freakin’ Hatefulscan is down. Fuckn figures.

****
Talked to AZ today (after three aborted phone calls and one additional e-mail) about an e-mail I had received about a t-shirt. I gave up and just sent him the e-mail, unedited. Perhaps it put a smile on his face to see someone refer to me as “cupcake.”

No, the convo did not proceed to “He Who Shall No Longer Be Named.” Didn’t have time nor perhaps even, inclination. He’s probably asleep by now so the chances of any further conversations on the topic happening this evening are slim to none. Two people + too much work = one conversation over several days (in snippets). Not stereo, snippets. We are the Snippet People.

****

Oh, yeah, our trip to the Science Explosion. Well, it was fun for the kids. Nate acted like a little butt part of the time but once Danlel backed me up on how he was ruining our fun, he straightened up. The powers that be there told me to call them mid-August to discuss selling my jewelry there.

Still have to contact Tamarack about doing an artist demo. Still need my business license and a business account and then have to contact Paypal about that. Making bead buying plans. Looks like next weekend in Columbus, BUT I did find this bead shop in Asheville, NC. Now, who do I know that lives in Asheville???? Hrmmmmmmmmm…..

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I Got Played

April 4, 2006 at 8:36 pm (Uncategorized)

Dear AZ:

I no longer have access to a printer unless I find some ink for mine, so until then, and since I’m not much in the mood to write longhand, e-mail will have to do.

I’m exceptionally troubled. I’m not sure how to approach it. Part of me wants to believe that I’m way off base but the bigger part of me says, “Girl, you are right on!”

I was wondering what Lex said to you about he and I going to the movies. The reason is because he was so totally into me there for a while again, and suddenly he just kinda dropped off the face of the Earth. Yeah, I know he’s got school, work, and homework but he basically has ignored me and I couldn’t think of what it could be until I realized that his “attention” coincided with your trip out of town and his lack of “attention” coincided with your return.

Plus, some of the things he has said has set off my “I’m-so-fucking-jealous-of-him” radar. “Him” being you, of course.

I’ll throw this out there too. Lex is an empath, and he is very adept at hiding his feelings yet continues to read yours and mine. Frankly, out there, and up front, not hiding anything, you’ll always be special to me. That is something very difficult to hide inside of myself. It is what it is. I accept it. I accept it as much as you accept your feelings for me. I’ll quantify that by saying, not THOSE kinds of feelings, but the other kind of feelings that are not romantic but just a bond of friendship, time, and acceptance of the limitations of where our feelings can go.

It does not hide within each of us, that small twinge of jealousy that erupts on occasion. That very wrong and intense feeling that we somehow “belong” to one another and what we have, in way of friends or otherwise, is not to be infringed upon by outsiders. And while you and I may be very well schooled to hide any outward, visible indication of jealousy or irritation, it is not lost on an empath, who, due to our collective busyness, both of mind and body, has time to sit back and worm his way into our emotions and feed each of us enough information to see if we react, internally, EMOTIONALLY, to his fucking little games so he can feed off of our collective feelings like a leech and come away with an exceptionally smug feeling of somehow knowing something he shouldn’t.

I think Lex forgets though, that you and I are also both empathic. While you may not have time, nor, frankly, any reason to dissect, analyze, and basically rummage around in Lex’s covert feelings, I have every reason to. He forgets that I am just as adept at accessing him from afar as I am from close up. He’s not the only sneaky bastard out there. I’m not above being an empathic bitch and breaking the rules of empathic access to hit him when he least expects it.

I have to swallow a huge portion of pride to admit what brought this on. It was my acceptance at Tamarack. I was so busy with my beadwork and my new job, Nate, etc. that I really haven’t been “on my guard” so to speak. *Swallowing pride* I’ve been very upset. Okay, that’s an understatement. I’m crushed that none of my close friends, other than you, have even cared about it. T-Bird has stopped calling me and Lex has ignored any attempt to talk about it. My mother had a decidedly lackluster response.

While I keep telling myself that it doesn’t matter what they think, that it only matters that I’M proud of my accomplishment, it really hurts. A lot.

And that hurt is what “woke me up” and I started searching, empathically, emotionally for answers. Some would say it’s only coincidence but I know better. (Sometimes I hate knowing.) But, that’s why I started examining all of this and in the process, determined why it was that suddenly I was Lex’s best girl, and then suddenly, I wasn’t.

I hate being used. I loathe being used to try and invoke a response from you for someone else’s twisted bullshit. I loathe it worse that I played into it. I feel like a fool. And while I may not like it when I feel that way as far as you’re concerned, you’re AZ, and while I may call you on it, I don’t hold it against you. But he’s not you. And isn’t that the entire problem to start with?

I guess you could call this “Revenge of the Empath – Menage Trois.” And, it doesn’t help anything that in the middle of all this, I have found myself incredibly lonely. I figure Lex played off that too.

Hu-rah.

But, like I told AZ, time to stop whining, learn my lesson, and pull myself up by those bootstraps. I have beading to do. Fuck ‘em.

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I Am Troubled

April 3, 2006 at 5:52 pm (Uncategorized)

It’s about AZ.

And Lex.

Envy.

Jealousy.

And just plain bullshit.

I have to talk to AZ about it first because if I ask him a direct question he’ll give me a direct answer.

He’ll know.

He’ll understand.

Right now I feel so betrayed and used, I could hurt someone.

But mostly, I want to cry.

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