Wallow, Wallow, Wallow

June 27, 2010 at 12:35 pm (Music, Nate, Relationships, Writing)

I stopped by to see The Date after I got off from work and sealed the deal, so to speak. It was enjoyable, physically, and I knew it was going to happen and he definitely wanted it to happen.  And thereafter my mind clicked and whirled and moved on to thinking about my novella.

This is one of those things I’m still very blocked on and that is having feelings about guys and having lasting feelings about guys. If I had thought or known that things were going to be “more serious” I would have waited to have sex with him but I know it isn’t and it’s something I might as well get out of the way. I don’t truly believe that is the only thing he wanted out of me, but I know it’s where he is in his life right now that I was someone he desired and he probably wasn’t going to stop until I gave in or hurt his feelings.

I just had a desire for sex and he was available, and he had a desire for me and I made myself available. That’s about it. So, no progress, no romantic notions, no giggling, gushing… anything. *Click* *Whirl* *Next*

However, I did make a great deal of progress on my novella last night, even though after my romp I was actually sated and tired, physically, but my mind, she just never shuts up which creatively speaking can be a good thing.  This is something I’ve only disclosed a few times but I make myself cry when I get to certain parts of my stories.  I compose in my head all the time – mini-movies moving reel to reel and sometimes the emotion behind those reels is so overwhelming I just bawl.

I wrote the scene inspired by David Gray’s “Draw the Line.”  The lyrics didn’t inspire so much for this scene as did the simple acoustic guitar line.  The scene is so poignant. The lyrics to the song inspired another scene, which is so emotionally charged I forgot I was sitting on my couch, instead, I was in a wheat field during a thunderstorm.  Rain, thunder, sleet, and hail battering me as much as the emotions, the violence from within.

I just wallow in it. I wallow in the world and emotions I create for my characters. Just like a little piggy, wallow, wallow, wallow. Just stretch out and soak in the mud, snorting and grunting on occasion, startling the flies with a flick of my ear. *Piggy grin*

Did I tell you I intend on having a soundtrack for my novella? Yep. Not of the songs that inspired it, but my own songs based on what I’ve written. Is that not neat?  Plus, I know a lot of musicians… who’s to say I won’t just put the soundtrack and some spoken-word with it, like Viggo Mortensen did with his poetry book.  Wallow, wallow, wallow.

And let me tell you what a great young man I have. He called me at work wanting to know what time I was getting off.  Of course, I made a pit-stop but he called later to let me know he had gone to the local Dominoes and gotten us pizza and Cinnastix and in his own words, “I got you a pizza too, Mom, because you know I’ll eat a whole one, and I got you Cinnastix because I know how much you like them.”  Then we watched Jeff Dunham and Bill Engvall.

*Smile* Wallow, wallow, wallow.


  1. marriagecoach1 said,

    That was the most mechanical description of sex that I have ever heard. Why did you go there if it were so meaningless? Sex should be reserved for a committed monogamous relationship.

    It sounded like you were a hooker and just got some guy off and got up and went home.

    You should value yourself more than that. If you don’t value yourself, then no other guy is going to.

    Blessings on you and yours
    John Wilder

  2. Vince said,

    Well, I have some opinions on your escapade as well, but unlike the esteemed gentleman above, I think I’ve earned the right to say so if I chose to since I’ve taken the time to get to know you. However, I would never put those opinions here. If really care to know my thoughts, shoot me an email and I’ll tell you. If not, no biggie. I’ve been around long enough to know you can’t force your moral code on anyone. And that tolerance of others is what the world really needs.

    You know I love to read your stuff so give me anything you got. And if you need someone to put lyrics to music, consider me available. I’ve got a good talent for coming up with music but lyrics are especially tough. Putting someone else’s lyrics to music is MUCH easier. Especially if you have some sort of “flavor” in mind (rocking, mellow, whatever). My summer class wraps up in 2 weeks and I have the rest of the summer!

  3. blackpunkin said,

    Mr. Wilder, LOL! What? You think you’re telling something I don’t already know? I value the fact that I can see something for what it is, and just like I don’t base my self-worth on how much someone tips me as a waitress, I also don’t base my self-worth on how often, or not, I get laid or by whom. I wanted to have sex, plain and simple, and he wanted me, plain and simple. And because I got up and yes, went home, after seeking mutual pleasure, you compare me to a hooker? Don’t bother returning here. I live my life the way I see fit, not by your code, but by mine.

    Vincenzo, I’m certain I can hear your voice in my thoughts. Again, do you not think I know exactly how it sounded? I know how cynical I am, I know what I did, and I also know that I feel pretty good about the fact that I didn’t assign more to it than is really there. I feel a genuine affection for him, I know he feels affection for me. But it’s nothing more than that and won’t be. Meh, so I didn’t wait for Mr. All That And A Bowl of Cherries. Big fucking deal. Since when is this a new concept in the world?

    Anyway, you did come to mind as I was preparing my list of potential musicians. I’ll do the lyrics. I think it’s going to be a combo of all my favorite things – rock/metal, rockabilly, a little country, acoustic, and blues. Still working on that part of it. Haven’t written one lyric yet.

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