Reasons

October 1, 2009 at 3:03 pm (Alice in Chains, Crazy Shit, Music, Nate, Writing)

Why I have not blogged:

1. I am training to walk a marathon.

2. I’ve been working on my screenplay. In one day I created a wonderful character that I fell in love with and then killed him, of course because he asked me to, to serve as a catalyst for the protagonist. I cried for an hour.

3. Since Jeff dipped out of our lives permanently, for now, that is, I’ve been doing a lot of crying, whether I’m killing my favorite characters or not. His “leaving” is a catalyst for the protagonist and here, I’m the protagonist.

4. I’ve been watching TV with Nate. We hang out a lot. This reminds me of how precious he is so that I do not come unhinged over his abysmal grades.

5. Sometimes, I nap.

6. I’ve been observing my world like I’ve never seen it before.

He stood on the edge of the parking lot, white hair glistening in the Autumn sun. I wondered if long, dark grey, wool coats, stiff black suits, and crisp white shirts were the standard issue uniform for funeral home personnel. Alway so pristine, as though lint and cat hairs are afraid to bond to their clothing. I glanced around for a hearse and thought that he must be waiting to direct them, anyone, to the right entrance.  Later, I saw him in the same place, hands clasped behind him, coat fluttering open in the breeze, enough to see the unwaivering tie and matching handkerchief. It was then I realized he was waiting for death, perhaps even calling to it.

7. I have been memorizing and singing all of the new songs by Alice In Chains. As always, their music is a soundtrack for my life. Some of my favorite lyrics:

A wolf alone upon the hillside
i live on what they thrown away
i go to sleep behind the eight ball
i live to fight for one more day

i’m trapped in the cold outside
there ain’t no shelter
they wanna force my hand
til i take what i wanted
and break all the lies
that they feed,  the fucking liars
smash all the temples
and crawl through the rubble
and cry to the fallen  (Last of My Kind)

No one plans to take the path that brings you lower
And here you stand before us all and say it’s over
It’s over  (Your Decision) Beautiful, amazing song. Cathartic.

Pray, squeal when you’re caught
Cry, it’s not my fault (When The Sun Rose Again) Love the guitar on this song.

I don’t wanna feel no more
It’s easier to keep falling

Consciously avoiding changes
Curtain drawn, now it’s done
Silencing all tomorrows
Forcing our goodbyes

Lay down, black gives way to blue
Lay down, I’ll remember you (Black Gives Way to Blue)

Sir Elton John plays on this song. Simple and simply beautiful.  A live video of this song, minus Sir Elton.

 That’s about it. Just trying to get my ducks in a row. Oh, and I had to fix a couple lyrics. I just got my liner notes downloaded and got all of the RIGHT lyrics. Oh yeah.

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6 Comments

  1. kenju said,

    I like the writing!!! Very nice. I think the crying may be cathartic for you (both for reality’s sake and for your writing). Nate is smart, so his bad grades have to be from something emotional or stressful. Maybe after everything settles down he’ll begin to do better. Tell him I know he has it in him to do it.

  2. SagaciousHillbilly said,

    “walk” in a marathon? You can do that?

    Screen play = 3 acts 30, 40, 20 minutes each. . . have I got that right?

    Kids grow up fast. . . enjoy him while he’s there. Before long he’ll be runing his own life.

    Observation of self or the world around self requires detachment. g’luck.

    Hopefully the “dipped out” will be permanent since he just can’t seem to get any better.

    Hope you are well, at peace and happy.

    (You can only be as happy as you want to be.)

  3. blackpunkin said,

    Thank Kenju.

    Of course you can walk a marathon, SagaciousOne. Yes, that sort of what a screenplay is like. I do enjoy him, everyday. No, he can’t get any better until he admits, and believes, he is an alcoholic and has no control over his life. I can’t help him with that. I am happy and more peaceful by the day.

  4. Jammie J. said,

    Ohhh, a marathon. Good for you.

    Naps are also good.

    Keep hangin’ in there. xo

  5. Lois Lane said,

    Ahhh death of favorite character, that’s a tough one!!! Great writing! Good luck with the marathon, but be aware, finishlines are very addictive. I’m so happy you and Nate are spending a lot of time together. This is a great age!!!

  6. SagaciousHillbilly said,

    Sounds like you’re living in reality. Keep it going!
    JM

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