I just posted about how it seems that Nate has grown an inch overnight. That’s not the only ways that he’s growing. He’s becoming more self-assured and is speaking out more about how he feels and what he wants.
He’s been pushing to stay by himself while I work. You can imagine that every bad thought goes through my mind, when in actuality, Nate is a pretty responsible young man, with a good head on his shoulders. Remember, it was Nate who ran to the neighbor’s house and had them call 911 when the house was on fire, then ran down the street to the fire department.
My real problem with Nate staying alone is that I’m afraid he will be lonely. He just laughs at me. I can remember my first experiences with staying alone, or with just my brother around, which is the same as being alone. It was awesome. Although I had chores to do, it was really awesome not having my parents there to bother me. Nate and I get along great, that’s not the problem, but, he is getting to that age.
In two weeks, he’ll be 13. A teenager. My baby, a teenager!
As I told Kenju, he’s growing up so fast it hurts my feelings. And not just his height, but his mind and maturity are finally catching up to his size 9 1/2 foot. For the past two weeks, since our last counseling session, it seems as though he’s matured two years.
He asked to be allowed to go on the overnight rafting trip with his camp group this year. Last year I felt he was too young and this year, I really can’t say no. If I’m encouraging him to become more of his own person and articulate his thoughts and feelings, then I also feel as though I have to let him go in other ways as well. I have to show that I trust him to do the right things and be the person I’ve taught him to be.
I’m terrified. Simply terrified.
It gives me a new appreciation for what my parents went through when they allowed me to go to Germany for a year. How terrifying that must have been for them, even though I was an extremely intelligent, articulate, mature young woman for my age. I’m quaking in my shoes over an overnight trip, and they let me go for a year. Of course, I wasn’t on the verge of 13, I was on the verge of 18. And its an overnight camping trip, not Germany.
And its not like Nate hasn’t spent the night away from me… with my family, and his family, and trusted friends.
The good news is that Rosie and I are going to The Sound of Music Sing-A-Long Friday evening. I’m dressing in my new dress and heels and going as The Baroness Von Schraeder. It is summertime and I’m not fond of dressing as a nun in 90* heat. I’m looking forward to throwing popcorn, hissing at Nazis and booing the actual Baroness. I wish I could mack out my outfit a bit more but I’m kind of broke.
Lex also said he would spend time with me Friday. I’ve warned him that I’m still in numb mode. He said that was okay and we could just snuggle. What a mensch.
Oh, and AZ did call back. He told me he’d like to have lunch with me soon. I’m not sure why, I wasn’t rude enough to ask. I cried later though. I hope he asks why I’ve basically dropped out of his life. I really, really do because I’m ready to tell him.
Okay, its my bed time.