Growth

June 24, 2009 at 8:59 am (Alice in Chains, AZ, Crazy Shit, Friends, International Travel, Nate)

I just finished hugging my child. I asked him, “Did you grow an inch last night?” Flat footed, he’s almost looking me in the eye. Wasn’t it just yesterday that he still had to look up to me?  For right now, he still does look up to me, even if we’re seeing eye to eye.

I’m tired. I was up until about 3 a.m. this morning, finishing my court summary. It came in handy. My alarm was set for 7:30. I slept okay, just not long enough. My back is really hurting from being hunched over typing. It was hurting before, think I slept the wrong way.

I got a rockin’ pair of red shoes to go with my new dress thanks to a friend. I put on some vintage Sarah Convetry pearls and looked like a 50’s housewife. Not so much with the shoes on as they are two inch stilleto peep toes. At least retro is in.  

I went to the memorial service this morning. I was doing pretty good until the decedent’s brother got up to speak. I’ve had many conversations with him and I’m just very, very fond of the entire family, as I was his brother. When his voice broke, my heart broke right along with it.

I then went to the restaurant and had lunch. I didn’t eat much as I was starting to get the nervous stomach. Outside of that, I was oddly calm. No shaky hands or feelings like I was going to throw up. I got choked up on the stand when I talked about Nate not wanting to attend his great-uncle’s service because his dad would be there.  I was emotional, but to the point, not given to hysterics or theatrics. Just the facts, ma’am.

It was scary.  

It turned out okay. We’re going back in five weeks, but I have a feeling we’ll be back before then.

I talked to AZ. He had called when I was in the shower yesterday and Nate forgot to tell me.  I’m so numb and shut down I must sound like a drone. I feel the numbness taking me over and I both welcome it and hate it.

Its a survival mechanism, which I figured out long before my counselor told me. If not, I’d be drooling puddles from a drug-induced stupor in a straight jacket.  As my meds wear off in the evenings, because I’m still on the starting dose, I chain smoke.

Wasn’t I talking about AZ? Yeah, not much to report. He just wanted to know how things were going and I told him. Didn’t get a chance to ask him before he had to go, said he would call me back, which I doubt, and I don’t care. Odd though that I thought about calling him on Sunday and he called yesterday.

My life, the life of odd.

Listening to a little Jerry. Just Boggy Depot, Degradation Trip is not as soothing and I’m not really in the mood to reach in and start pulling thorns out of my soul so I’ll be laying off the Alice tonight.

One bizarre note, I was instructed not to take Nate out of the country, as he and I both have passports. Ha, obviously they haven’t priced tickets to Europe lately. But seriously, I was like WHAT THE FUCK! His attorney said that Jeff was afraid if things didn’t go my way that I may try to secret Nate off to a foreign country. LMFAO!  

I think I could disappear far easier in the good ole U. S. of A.  However, I don’t believe in running away, I believe in standing and fighting.

And I forgot to post this last night, so Good Morning Bloggers.

Advertisements

6 Comments

  1. tricia said,

    So glad it went “well”. Dealing with the court system is frustrating at best. Hopefully it will all go your way and you will be able to put that chapter of your life to rest.

    And red pumps rock.

  2. Evil Twin's Wife said,

    I wanted to call you back last night, but figured you were handling your fair share of calls. Anyway, you know where I am if you need me.

  3. Vince said,

    I don’t know how you do it. Most other people would have been crushed by now by the weight of what you’re carrying. Hopefully you can give up the role of Atlas soon.

  4. kenju said,

    What Vince said.

    P.S. If you ever want to talk, email me for the number.

  5. Beth said,

    I’m having a little trouble picturing you as a 50’s housewife, although I’m sure you looked fabulous!

    So you can’t even take Nate to see Niagra Falls? Cancun? That sucks.

    Hang in there.

  6. Zelda said,

    Sounds like it went pretty well and I’m glad.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: