Mother’s Day… *Sigh*

May 11, 2009 at 10:24 am (Crazy Shit, Nate)

I lost my keys on Mother’s Day. I know, I’m always losing my keys. Nate was kind enough to find the “KEYS” key holder that is supposed to hang on the wall but had fallen because I had also started putting bills up there and you know, it got a little heavy.

I suppose the keys were supposed to magically appear there. They didn’t. I found them under a fake strand of holly leaves on the coffee table. Yeah, just doing a little re-organizing.  Who am I kidding? I don’t have time to organize, let alone re-organize!

Something Nate said just broke my heart. He said, “Maybe this is a sign that we should stay home today.”

I said, “Maybe it’s a sign that we shouldn’t be out right now and when we find the keys, then we can go.”

He said, “Maybe it’s because Daddy is waiting on us.”

“What do you mean, Nate?”

“Well, maybe Daddy’s waiting for us somewhere on the road and that’s why we can’t find the keys.”

More discussion ensued about our feelings and our thoughts and I did my best to reassure him about his and my safety. It was a disturbing peek into the thoughts that go through my son’s head. I called the YWCA Family Abuse Resolve Center today. They haven’t returned my call yet.

Have to get ready for work. Hope you had a great Mother’s Day.

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Irritated and Tired

May 7, 2009 at 11:38 am (Crazy Shit, Memories, Nate)

I worked three doubles, back to back to back. Today, my day off, I have spent the morning with Nate at his school. I will return this afternoon. I’ve wondered since when teaching entails turning on a video, giving out a worksheet, and then sitting at your desk drinking coffee and eating a danish, especially when there is to be no food in the classroom. One teacher explained that she didn’t have time for breakfast. The other teacher told me she was as grumpy as nine bears. Wonderful learning environment!

I have to get my hair trimmed. Nate will be getting his hair cut.

Jeff sent me an e-mail informing me he had not seen Nate his last two scheduled visitations and if he misses another one he will be filing contempt of court charges. I haven’t responded, I’m not sure I will. Let him. I’ll counterfile for full custody and no visitation. Can I counterfile for Jeff not being able to actually have visitation because he was too drunk or angry? I mean, if he can file contempt charges because I don’t let him see Nate, why can’t I file contempt charges for him being too drunk or angry to exercise his visitation rights on more than one occasion?

I knew I should have categorized all of my old posts. Now, I’ll spend an incredible amount of time compiling the long, long list of the things that have happened over the past five years. Yes, on May 27th, I will have been blogging for five years. Long time, a lot of words.

There’s even things I remember but didn’t put onto paper. Like, in May of 2007, Jeff was carted off by the State Police for harrassing them about his daughter. What I didn’t write down, was how he told me he wanted to kill her mother by slitting her throat and while she was gurgling and drowning in her own blood he was going to shit down her throat. He was very descriptive.

Rock n Rolllllllllllll!

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Pluto In Retrograde

May 3, 2009 at 11:41 pm (Attitude in Overdrive, Work)

Among astrologers, Pluto in retrograde means big change. Since Pluto is one of the ruling planets of Scorpios, this usually means some big changes in my life as well. Whether it is the influence of Pluto, or just the way life happens to be, or just the internal influence of knowing that Pluto is in retrograde, cannot be scientifically proven nor disproven, so let’s just say, for the sake of argument, that it’s a little of all three.

Let’s just say, its time to clean house, inside and out. A little purging is good for the soul. Change is actually good. Okay, some change is good, change under some circumstances is bad.

But, change is yet again upon me. Details to follow within the next couple of weeks.

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Rabbit, Rabbit!

May 1, 2009 at 10:13 am (Chico, General)

chico-closeup

Oh wait, that’s not a rabbit.

german-rabbitThis is a rabbit! Whooo-eeee, look at that Hoss.

Ha! This time I remembered. Its Beltane (May Day) so get out there and enjoy some sunshine and fresh air, if you have any. Its raining here so dancing around the bonfire nekkid will have to wait.  Traditionally, this is the time to light two fires and drive your herds between the two for purfication and protection. However, not having much of a herd, unless you count cats as a herd, I tend to celebrate Beltane in the Germanic way, with a Maypole, fertility rituals, and a long walk in the forest.

Sadly, I have no Maypole, do not wish to be fertile, except in a monetary sense, and walking in my yard in the rain will have to suffice for a walk in the forest. I do have to make a casserole today so lighting the oven will have to substitute for a bonfire.

Hope you have a prosperous month and a beautiful day!

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