May 16, 2009 at 1:13 am (Alice in Chains, Black Stone Cherry, Crazy Shit, Music, Nate, T-Bird, The House, Work)

Today has been one of the most angst filled days of my life. If have trouble finishing my food, you know, something is wrong. I got a voice mail on Monday or Tuesday wanting to know about his visitation with Nate. I didn’t answer.  I went over and over in my mind what I was going to say, and somewhere along those lines, my thoughts changed from what I was going to say to him to what I was going to write in the Court papers.

I started it out longhand, sitting at the Chef’s Table at the restaurant between shifts. I thought a lot about what went into that paper. Then I sat down and wrote it out like it should have been written. Then I went and picked up the 12 additional pieces of paper I needed, and I filled those out.

I was nervous and upset and scared. I felt like I had a basketball in my throat and iron-tipped butterflies in my stomach. But, I did it anyway.

I know what he’ll say in his response and some of it may be partially true and some of it will be outright lies and I really don’t care. I’ve been through enough that whatever happens, I’ll survive that too.

What I’m totally amazed by is what I can accomplish when I’m not having to deal with him. I, for the most part, have my house cleaned, at least, the important parts. That’s even after I spent MY DAY OFF at Nate’s school and MY OTHER DAY OFF at my parents’ place, went to Nate’s band concert, made three trips to the Courthouse, a trip to the YMCA, called my counselor, called Nate’s doctor’s office twice, wrote the petition, filled out 12 pages of information, made copies, took care of my cats, the dog, made sure Nate took a shower, had his homework finished, went to Wal-Mart, took T-Bird to the unemployment office and her doctor’s office, I blogged, went to the grocery store, twice, actually made dinner, twice, and I slept. 

All that, even after I worked 99.97 hours on my feet in the past two weeks.

And in four hours and 51 minutes (or around about then), I’m leaving for Rock on the Range. I’ll not get to go to both days, but by golly, I’m going to see Black Stone Cherry and I’m going to see Alice in Chains!!!!

That doesn’t mean I’m not being hyper-vigilant and that I’m not nervous as hell, but, it will be really nice just to get away for at least one day.


  1. Jammie J. said,

    That’s a helluva a lot of hours to work… and a helluva a lot of shit you’ve been doing away from work. Good on you for taking the steps you need to take. I think it’s the right thing to do.

    Take the time away and enjoy the helloutofit. I think you deserve a break.

  2. Tina said,

    I agree! At least for one day you can scream and yell and cuss and just let go and temporarily forget about Jeff’s shit. It will be a nice release! That’s that rock and roll is for! Have fun, dude!

  3. noonie said,

    Am thinking of you… it is high time you did this… but none of us could tell you to do it… so glad you got there, don’t doubt yourself what you do is for you and NAte but most of all for NAte.

    Big Hugs..


  4. Zelda said,

    You’re doing the right thing, and I know you need that break. Enjoy yourself.

  5. Evil Twin's Wife said,

    You are amazing. I’m very proud of you. Go have a great time this weekend and call me if you need anything.

  6. Lois Lane said,

    I’m sorry he is still soul-sucking from you. Here’s hoping this will be the final chapter. Have fun at the concert. You have earned it and then some!!!

  7. Seamus said,

    Sometimes doing the right thing takes bravery and guts and it seems you have both in spades.

    Enjoy your concert! 🙂

  8. Vince said,

    Good for you. I know you’re strong enough to do what you need to do.

  9. kenju said,

    I hope you have a really good time while you are gone – you certainly deserve it!

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