New Perspective

April 15, 2009 at 10:03 pm (Crazy Shit, Nate)

Well, if you want a new perspective, just blog about it and keep an open mind. I guess the most I can say about my last post is that I just wish I hadn’t waited so long. It is still a very difficult thing. Jeff called today and I didn’t answer the phone.

I really don’t want to talk to him while Nate is around. Truth is, I don’t want to talk to him at all. I know it will be the same ole shit. He either wants me to “help him” with something to worm his way in, or he wants to yell about Nate and how bad of a mother I am, or he wants to know if Nate is coming down this weekend. The answer to those scenarios are “no”, *click*, “no.”

However, I also don’t believe in just ignoring someone and hoping they will go away. I believe in facing them down. Nate’s school counselor suggested, well stated, that she didn’t believe Nate should be with him, but that it might be a good idea for us to have dinner together and try to keep the lines of communication open.

I thought that was pretty naive. She’s obviously never dealt with anyone like Jeff before and I don’t think he’s ever going to change. Change has to come from within, you have to want it, and you have to face all the things that have made you the way you are. If not, the thorns just keep festering and you keep dealing with them the same way you always have. Definition of insanity:  Doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result.

The one thing I have been concerned about is more for Nate’s well being than anything and that is that Jeff has three dogs. Two are rat terriers and one is an old snaggletooth mutt he got at the pound. Nate really loves those dogs and while I’ve been looking into different ways to socialize my son, I thought that maybe he did need a dog.

While I would LOVE to get a pound puppy, I’m afraid with my cats that I need a specific pound puppy. A real puppy, versus an elder dog. I really hate that. I would much prefer to get an older dog and something more along the lines of something a little larger than a housedog, but, given my schedule and so forth, a house dog that can use puppy pads on my long days would be preferable. Plus, I saw in our local Ad Bulletin that someone in one of my favorites places on Earth, Point Pleasant, has rat terriers for sale.

As we animal lovers know, sometimes the right pet can change your life. So, I’m going to call tomorrow and see about getting a little female, and then, we’ll see.

I appreciate all of your comments and they really made me think about how we all make mistakes and how we go about learning from those and moving on with a new purpose, or with our jaw’s set, as Zelda said. So, I’ve got my jaw set, and I know this is so because my TMJ is acting up. I just came off of two doubles and a short shift and I’m a little stressed with this whole Jeff thing. I was worried that he would call and he did, and I didn’t talk to him, so for now, we’re good.

One day at a time, sweet Mother, and may they keep getting better.

Oh yes, and every spare moment I’ve been watching Susan Boyle on YouTube. If you haven’t seen this lady singing on “Britain’s Got Talent” then where the hell have you been??? She has an absolutely amazing, stunning voice and she’s just a quaint character. She’s cute, in a matronly way, never been married, never been kissed and everyone thought she was some kind of joke. Well, she is not a joke. What a phenomenal singer. I cry everytime I listen to it. Enjoy.


  1. Vince said,

    I know what you mean about changing from within. I struggle with that all the time and the only one that can change me is me.

    Dogs are good for boys. It gives them something to care about. I think your best bet is to keep ignoring jeff. I’ve mentioned before perhaps you really need to get out of Dodge. Maybe a fresh start would be a good thing.

  2. Jammie J. said,

    I read somewhere that one can never solve a problem at the same level it was created. I’ve definitely found that to be true in my life. I’ve either had to escalate the problem or rise above it. Oh, and who says ignoring someone doesn’t work? It may be the coward’s way out, but it’s certainly effective.

    My ex ignored me enough years, I eventually left him. 😛

    Oh, I’m being tongue-in-cheek, but yes, ignoring is effective. Especially when you’re dealing with someone who’s narcissistic. Just maybe not in the way you want… but in the other way, because he just won’t understand how someone who (in his mind) can possibly ignore someone (again in his mind) who’s so great. Even though you come right out and tell him to leave you the fuck alone, he won’t hear you because (in his mind) what you say isn’t what you really want. He’s obsessed with himself and obsessed with you because, somehow, you are his supply. Narcissistic people need supply and somehow you became it.

    To get away from my narcissistic ex, I had to do what Vince said — I moved out of the county that he lived in and I never gave him a way to contact me. I changed all my phone numbers, blocked his e-mail address from my inbox, used a PO Box and never, ever answered the phone if he called. Sounds drastic, I know, but it shut him down.

    Not only does a dog give a boy something else to think about, but it’s someone who gives love unconditionally without needing to validate. If you think a dog would be good for Nate, then I’m sure it would be perfect.

    Hugs to you.

  3. Seamus said,

    From these last 2 post, it seems to me that you’ve reached a tipping point and it also seems that you are tipping in the right direction – emotional space for yourself and a kind responsibility for Nate (a.k.a dog!). Putting a physical distance between you and Jeff seems like a good idea to me as well; although, I also see the enormity (but not the impossibility) of that chore. {{{{NannerBelle}}}}}}

  4. Evil Twin's Wife said,

    You know how I feel – you’re moving in the right direction. Call me if you need to talk. {{{Hugs}}}

  5. kenju said,

    I say ditto to Seamus and ETW. You’re doing it right, Nanner!

  6. Zelda said,

    I think ignoring is the best thing to do, but oh hell is it hard. I think I’m like you in that I always want the air clean, everything laid out on the table, and an agreement in hand. But in Jeff’s case it just seems that the air will never be clean no matter how much you talk or how open the lines of communication are. He pollutes it every time, and the more he’s allowed to talk, the worse the pollution gets.

    I don’t think ignoring him is cowardly. I think it is courageous because it’s far more difficult than giving in to the temptation of trying to get in that one last zinger that’s going to either change him for good or hurt him as much or more than he hurt you and Nate.

  7. SagaciousHillbilly said,

    ” have dinner together and try to keep the lines of communication open.”

    Sadly, it doesn’t take much to be a “school counselor.”

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