I’m In the Handbasket

March 4, 2009 at 1:24 am (Attitude in Overdrive, Crazy Shit, Work)

Today is one of those days that will solidify my departure to the Christian Hell in a Handbasket.

First, I got pissy with one of my co-workers. This is nothing new except I almost body-checked her for entering into my space. I normally don’t say anything but she’s the type that will try to cut your tip-out. I can see if she was having to wait eons for her drinks, but the ticket had just rang through and I was working on it. Plus, I still have drinks that I need to learn how to make, and like I said, I WAS FUCKING WORKING ON IT!!! Now, I still haven’t learned how to make the damn drink.

Its a long fucking story and has a lot of history to it, but let’s just say, if she’s not afraid to step on my toes, then I’m not afraid to step on her’s. As a matter of fact, its about damn time somebody did.

Second, I got pretty pissed at my boyfriend. Yes, I was SUPPOSED to get off at 8, guess what? Didn’t get off until 10 after 9, which, hello, he always knows is a possibility. At 7 til 9 he calls and leaves a message on my cellphone that he’s going home, blah, blah, blah. Well, I had looked forward to seeing him all day and we had made plans to get together after I had gotten off work.

Now, it may seem a bit unreasonable but if you can imagine the number of times I’ve waited up for him or that he’s come to my house after 11 or midnight or at 1 o’clock in the morning because of HIS job, then you can see why I would be a little irritated that 9 o’clock seemed unreasonable to him. It was very disappointing. Very.

Now, this probably wouldn’t be so bad if I could have just gone to HIS house, but he doesn’t have one because he has still not gotten his own place! Very irritated with that right now! I get the whole divorce thing and the temporary move back to your parents’ house, blah, blah, but give it rest. I WOULD RATHER LIVE IN MY CAR THAN LIVE WITH MY PARENTS EVER AGAIN! Matter of fact, I’m so far in the handbasket, MY PARENTS WOULD RATHER I LIVE IN MY CAR THAN TO EVER LIVE WITH THEM AGAIN!

Plus, its been over a year. Move it!

Thirdly, I’m sitting at my favorite greasy spoon, which Jace is none too fond of, and since he ditched me, I figured this was a good time to indugle in waitresses that call you “sweety” and “honey” and “darlin'” and eat eggs and toast for dinner, when I notice a couple sitting across from me. They were both rather obese and I found myself wondering how they managed sex.

I felt kind of mean for even wondering because, ya know, its really none of my business. I’ve slept with guys who had serious cases of “dick-do” (where his belly hang out more than his dick do), but, being what some folks consider a skinny chick (which I’m not skinny, or even slender, just that I can see my feet when I look down) I found it an easy maneuver to have sex. And I’ve seen how overweight, but not obese dudes, have sex with obese chicks (this handbasket is getting deeper and deeper).

However, none of that experience explains how to two very obese people get their groove on. I have all of these different positions flashing through my mind’s eye and I’m manipulating them and their fat and possible penis length scenarios. I didn’t find it amusing or disgusting, but was just wondering.

Lastly, I laughed out loud when Rosie (my new gay co-worker), said that he was an atheist (right after finding out I was Pagan (handbasket getting deeper yet again)) but how he respected Mother Nature and the “force that holds the Universe together.” Dude, that’s what the Christians call “God.” Wait, that’s not what I told him, I thought I’d leave that discussion for another day. But he went on about how he laughed when the Christians say there’s a deep room in Hell reserved for homosexuals and their all going to burn for a very long time (Welcome to the Handbasket, now move outta my space!).

He said, “What? All of the homosexuals now, forever, and through ancient times in one room for eternity? SIGN ME UP, GIRLFRIEND!” I laughed my ass off. He’s so gay, it makes my teeth hurt and my eyeballs wrinkle. He’s Broadway Musical Gay, whereas Slim is Wiseass Fingersnapping Gay, Slender is just Slender, and the gay guy in the kitchen, he’s just ANNOYING, gay or straight, he’s ANNOYING AS FUCK! He’s the White Rabbit, “I’m late, I’m late, I’m late.” Except he says, “I’m behind, I’m really behind.” Wait, gay, behind… never mind, this handbasket is deep enough.

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Just Here

March 2, 2009 at 10:59 pm (Alice in Chains, Music, My Travels, Nate, Work)

Not much going on.

Nate got two teeth extracted today to make room for his adult incisors. He’s not real happy.

I’m working a lot, as usual. I had 5 1/2 hours OT last week.

I’m moving ahead with plans to go to Rock on the Range.

Nate has to have a few dental caries filled, then we’re off to the orthodontist. Since his sister has braces and we’re going to the same ortho, we should get a discount. I wonder if I can help pay for Nate’s 60% overbite with Swagbucks. That would be helpful.

Nate’s Pediatric Dentist said that Nate doesn’t have the same problem as his sister, she had to have a roof expander, so perhaps his won’t cost as much. Cross your fingers!

We lose an hour of sleep on Sunday, March the 8th. I really can’t afford to lose anymore sleep!

My favorite Swede, The Blonde Goddess, has gifted me with an award. I’m really not very savvy on all that stuff, but as soon as I figure it out, I’ll post it.

I am savvy enough though to post a very cute picture, with a ton of envy as I have always wanted to visit the great country/continent of Australia, and the guys from Alice in Chains are over there doing shows. So, not only are they playing (and I’m not there), and they are in Australia (where it is hot, humid, and sunny, and I’m here in 11* West Virberia), Jerry also got to hold a koala (which I have not!)

jerry_w-koala

Okay, Cantrell, give up the hat, the koala and the sunshine and there won’t be any trouble. I would look really cute in that hat, holding the koala, IN THE SUNSHINE! I NEED SUNSHINE! FORGET THE HAT, I JUST NEED A KOALA, IN AUSTRALIA, IN THE SUNSHINE!  SUNSHIIIIIIINE!!!!

*Ahem* I’m done with winter, can you tell?

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