Food Groups

March 19, 2009 at 12:53 am (Attitude in Overdrive, Cats, Fitness, Relationships, T-Bird, Work)

Hooo-eee! A lot going on in this neck of the woods:

First, T-Bird’s eldest, J1, was admitted to the hospital yesterday for an emergency appendectomy. I went to sit with him today when T-Bird had to go pick up the little ones and drop them off with her sister (their egg donor). She told me J. had to walk from the bed to the door in order to get to go home tonight. Well, after much cajoling and little moves, J. made it into the hallway and was sitting up in the chair when she got back.

She called me later and asked, “Just how the hell did you get my son to do anything?” Obviously he was feeling less than cooperative once I left. I told her I probably just nagged him so much that he finally just did it to get me off his back. He’ll be spending another night. Send some healing vibes his way, and send T-Bird a little patience please.

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Its March Madness mah pups. I’ve got my bracket filled out and await the insanity. I’ve picked North Carolina to take it all.

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Jirachi is healing nicely. I think that he’s healed wrong though. Like, his scrotum is going to be permanently attached to his backside. It just sort of granulated that way and that was about it and … I’m not fucking with it. If the doc don’t like it she can cut it when she neuters him.

All I know is he’s happy as hell that we’re loving on him again, he doesn’t reek of the stench of a 1000 rotting carcasses, and he’s gaining weight again. Woot!

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My boyfriend is really irritating me. Last night, he decided to text someone in front of me, and when I looked over, turned the phone so I couldn’t see what or who he was texting. I’m sorry, but if that doesn’t make anyone suspicious, male or female, I don’t know what does. If someone calls, I don’t care who or what gender, I’ll take that call in front of him. Whether its Jeff or Troy or Jimmy or Kevyn, I take the call in front of him because I have nothing to hide.

Men, remember, you have to sleep sometime and I’m a mother. I’m USED to not sleeping. And let us not forget that I have estrogen and a pulse, therefore I am evil.

Plus, day before yesterday when I was leaving work, he kissed me on the cheek. I gave him a, you gotta be fuckin’ kiddin’ me look. Granted, one of the kitchen guys was outside when I was leaving, but, please, its not like everyone at Le Restaurant doesn’t know I’ve been balling him for four months and its not like we haven’t given each other a quick kiss goodbye in front of other employees before (at the smoke hole, not inside.)

Cut bait, young Padewan.

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I’ve really got the dance itch. Its because of Kenny Wayne Shepherd. Many moons ago, Kenny Wayne and his band put out a CD called “Live On.” You may remember a song from that CD called, “In Too Deep.” However, its the second song on that CD called, “Was” that I’ve wanted to do a tap routine to forever!

“She was a crazy thought, a madman’s walk, she was. Oh no, she was.”

I would add the song but I can’t figure out how to do that.

Anywho, before I shell out for tap shoes (again, my first were smoke logged), and tap lessons (again), I’d better find out how much its going to cost to get Nate’s braces. Ugh.

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I am continuing with attempting to consume more vegetables and fruits in my diet and less red meat. I loves me some red meat. I limit myself to  consuming only three types of liquid:  coffee, water, and red wine. However, I have been limiting myself to two cups of coffee, down from three, and I only drink red wine when I’m going to be off the following day. I’m off tomorrow… why am I not drinking wine? I haven’t had any since … Sunday. Be right back.

No need to let that Black Swan Merlot go to waste. Ahhhh.

Anyway, I guess no one thought to tell me that if you consume more fruits and vegetables, you don’t need to drink AS MUCH WATER. So, if you continue eating a lot of fruits and vegetables, even just a serving more, you will go to the bathroom more because, duh, fruits and vegetables have MORE WATER.

I drink a lot of water. On a typical shift, I drink anywhere from 2-4 16 oz. cups of water. I put it in my little styrofoam cup (so good for the environment!) and as I walk by I take a pull from the straw. Last night I had a huge salad from Mickey D’s (after scraping off the chips and dressing), and their fruit and walnut snack.

Then this morning, I went to work and drank 2 cups of coffee and then had the beginnings of a 16 oz. cup of water. I was ran to the bathroom a lot. This can be quite uncomforable when you’re busy and don’t go when you should.

I was reasonably good today. I had the worst chicken noodle soup of my life, mainly picking out the chicken, a Mediterranean panini, with eggplant, squash, and zucchini with feta and chevre cheese, fruit, and a salad with onion, cheese, tomatoes, peaches, and cottage cheese. 

In my quest to lessen the red meat in my diet, I had pecan fried catfish. Okay, so fried is bad but that’s not the point. Half a baked potato, and a big fat ugly hot fudge cake and ice cream, because I know how to eat healthy. ICE CREAM IS A FOOD GROUP!!!! The point is, there was a cherry on top, and we all know how I’m trying to put more fruits and vegetables in my diet. This is why a glass of wine two days a week is a good thing. Wine is a vegetable, I mean, a fruit. How much have I had?

I also had five Tagalongs, because you all know Girl Scout cookies, along with ice cream, red wine, and chocolate, IS a food group. Plus Tagalongs have peanut butter in them, which ups the iron and protein content of said cookies. Hey, I read labels mah peeps!

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Jirachi really does coo like a pigeon when he purrs. I know this because he’s eating my earlobe as he purrs. For him, earlobes are a food group.

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Sometimes I give my co-worker, Emile, a ride to work. I have her hooked on the new Nickelback CD, especially “S.E.X.” I mean, who’s not hooked on it. It was playing when she got in the car this morning and she said, “Oh man, I was hoping you would have this in and I would get to hear this. It pumps me up.”

Guess what the song is about? Yeah, imagine that. My favorite line from the song is:  I love to try to set you free, I love you all over me, love to hear the sound you make the second you’re done.

Emile just likes hearing Chad Kroeger scream: YEEEESSSSS!

Okay, maybe I am a little hooked on that as well.

We also listened to “Burn it to the Ground” and then heard “Something in Your Mouth” while listening to XM at Le Restaurant. I may have to make up the first rock ‘n’ roll work out video. I’m so tired of canned music. “Burn it to the Ground” would be a great song to include in a kickass fitness video because we got no class, no taste, no shirt and shit-faced.

The warm-up section includes a shot of Crown. As a matter of fact, all workout videos should include shots of various types of alcohol as part of the routine. If you’re still standing at the end of the video, well, you’re fit.

Alcohol is a food group, along with red wine, which is fruit.

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Speaking of alcohol, once you get people lit, you can tell them anything and they’ll believe you. Such as, a guest asked me what the difference between Cuervo 1800 and Patron tequila was. Instead of saying, “A shit-ton of money,” I said, “Well, Patron is a higher quality, meaning it has less impurities, is better filtered, aged, and stored.”  Which means, I don’t fucking know! Maybe they keep the desert rats from pissing on the agave.

Next, we had a dude ask, on St. Paddy’s day, if we had any Irish Scotch. Dude, Scotch is whiskey made is Scotland. No, we do not have any Irish Scotch. That’s like asking if I have any Arkansas Bourbon. NO! Bourbon is whiskey made in Bourbon County, Kentucky and they are the only ones allowed to call it Bourbon, everyone else has to call it Whiskey, except for the Scottish who call it, SCOTCH.

Its like calling a yam a sweet potato. A yam is not a sweet potato. A yam is a yam and a sweet potato is a sweet potato. They come from different plant families, different plant groups, have different flowering characteristics, the sweet potato is over 50,000 years older than the yam, and the sweet potato is healthier for you as it is high in beta carotene, just like a carrot.

All of these are the vegetable food group.

Well, I’ve sucked the last of my fermented fruit from the glass and its almost one in the morning so I shall bid you adios. Drink more agave!

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8 Comments

  1. kenju said,

    This is the most informative blog post I’ve read anywhere in a long time!! So eclectic, so smart, so funny in a few places.

    Thanks for picking UNC, which we did and so did Obama – YAY!

    If that guy kissed you on the cheek because someone from the restaurant was watching then I’d have to say can him quickly! He isn’t worth your time and considerable smarts.

  2. Tammie said,

    You crack me up.
    Of course I do agree whole heartedly with your food groups.

    I don’t drink nearly enough water. I really need to start doing that. When I was sick and drinking a gallon of water a day, I felt much better. My skin and hair looked better…everything was better!

  3. tinyhands said,

    You wrote: “Cut bait, young Padewan.”

    Why must HE decide to end the relationship? I say, take your own advice.

  4. Evil Twin's Wife said,

    I drink more water than should be humanly possible, but I manage! I’m down to just water and Chardonnay as approved consumable liquids. 🙂

  5. blackpunkin said,

    Kenju, I seek to inform.

    Mah Goddess, it also helps with metabolism 🙂

    NotSoTinyHands: Dude, I was just talking to myself. If it had been Yoda, I would have said, “Bait cut you must, young Padewan.” I’m assuming that you were talking about Yoda when you referenced HE.

    ETW, water is good for you. Chardonnay, maybe not so much. 🙂

  6. Jammie J. said,

    Were you hungry when you wrote this post? 🙂

  7. Vince said,

    You are just so informative of late!

    So what’s the deal with eating less red meat? You want to be healthier, eat fewer carbs. Helps balance the blood sugar better and stabilize your metabolism better.

  8. Zelda said,

    Speaking of alcohol, once you get people lit, you can tell them anything and they’ll believe you.

    Ooooo maybe “in vino veritas” means something completely different than what I thought it was supposed to mean. And I always suspected that interpretation was bullshit because I can lie just fine when I’m drunk.

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