Conundrum
I do not call in sick unless I’m so dead that I can’t crawl out of bed. However, my boyfriend tends to call in sick quite frequently, not to work, but to me. Especially on Sundays, which is normally his day off. And you know what? That’s just fine because I still have my right hand, my imagination and I’m not a fucking idiot.
Why I’m still in this relationship, I have no fucking clue. Our conversations are boring, if not borderline comatose, and our sex is boring, okay, that IS comatose, at least by my standards. I knew our sex life was in trouble when he declined a backrub. I mean, backrubs are second behind blowjobs okay? To me, its the same thing, because they both lead to the same thing… sex.
Well, most of the time, at least some form of sex. Not to mention, I had gotten my all-time fave massage oil – Eucalyptus Spearmint from Bath & Body Works. I love it! It smells great and it really works to help sore, achy muscles, which I happen to have a lot of.
Now, I tend to be very generous, but, when paying for dinner tonight (I took T-Bird out for her birthday, but actually, it was for both of us), I realized just how hard I had worked for the money I sat down on the table. I worked damn hard. I’ve worked until I’ve had to have Candyman straighten me up because I had stayed bent over at the sinks too long, I’ve worked until the muscle in my lower left lumbar area pops out, which causes my hip to ache like hell, I’ve worked until I’v come home and can’t sleep because my legs won’t stop moving.
I work damn hard and so does he, so it kinda pisses me off when I do something to help us both and he’s like, nah. Doesn’t even want to give it a try.
Then, there’s the “talk.” Talk all ya want, but back it up. Oh, and get over your body image problems. Good Lawd. I have stretch marks ALL OVER MY BODY and my BELLY IS SQUISHY AND POOFY. My stretch marks will never change and I don’t give a fuck. You may be able to bounce a quarter off my ass, but my belly will always be squishy and poofy! No one is perfect!
However, I really do care about him. We don’t fight, of course, I’m not sure if this is because we don’t give a shit enough to fight or if its just we get along that well and if you don’t talk about anything other than work, then, what’s to disagree about? And I get tired of initiating all of the “deep” conversations we do have, which are far and few between and I’m not even certain I would call them “deep.”
And the bad thing is, he’s very intelligent, but I can’t jerk an intellectual conversation out of him.
Grrrr!
Either I’m going about this the wrong way or I’m with the wrong guy.
Anything Goes 
Vince said,
March 16, 2009 at 8:18 am
Girl, you need to take a little break cause you work to freaking hard.
Not sure what you should do here but it sounds like it’s almost time to cut bait. The Wife and I very seldom yell at each other, but we fight. It’s more the silent, brooding, glaring at each other kind of fighting, but we get really pissed at each other. And even after all these years we still have deep converstations. Not as often as we used to perhaps because we’re so damn tired allthe time, but we talk.
And while I personally wouldn’t put a backrub second to a blow job, I wouldn’t refuse one even if it didn’t result in sex. Cause dammit they feel really good.
kenju said,
March 16, 2009 at 9:11 am
I think it’s the second part. He doesn’t seem very invested in you.
LisaB said,
March 16, 2009 at 10:33 am
OK, here goes the unasked for free advice. Take it for what it’s worth!
After a whole lot of Mr. Wrongs, I finally found Mr. Right. And then I belatedly “got” what everyone who was (happily) involved/married had repeatedly told me. When you are with the right man, it’s not hard. You don’t have to kill yourself to make things work, they just do. There is a certain ease to it all.
My boyfriend and I are different in some surface ways, but inside our heads/hearts we are two of a kind. We see things the same way. We laugh at the same jokes. We always support each other 100%. Everyone comments on how perfect we are together. Perfect? Maybe. Right? Definitely.
Does that mean a relationship doesn’t require effort? Not at all. There is always some type of compromise, or fighting fair, or learning to live with each other’s quirks. But you figure out how to respect each other’s differences and just go with it. Why? Because it’s easy to be together 95% of the time!
All the best to you.
Evil Twin's Wife said,
March 16, 2009 at 11:45 am
Just trust your instincts here … and I think your intuition is telling you this might not be the right guy right now.
Marie said,
March 16, 2009 at 2:46 pm
Yes, you appear to be working waaaay to hard. As far as the relationship goes…you have the signs and the intelligence to either make it work or not. Time may offer different options, but trust your heart and intelligence.
Zelda said,
March 17, 2009 at 5:41 pm
I erased another long, stupid comment because I really must get it through my head that I don’t know squat about squat except when it comes to my own relationship. Alls I know is that I’m in a good one and when it’s a good one, one tends not to notice who initiates the deep conversations because you just have them. Also I’m pretty sure you have a lot of sex and it’s always awesome even if you aren’t doing triple gaynors off the ceiling fan.
Jammie J. said,
March 18, 2009 at 1:54 am
I think you answered your own question, actually.
Which is to say you already know, you just have to decide when you’re going to make your decision.