February 12, 2009 at 12:51 pm (Relationships)

Jace and I have been seeing each other three months now and for lack of better words, something is missing. I’m not sure what or where its going. For once, I’ve been listening to those little voices and hearing the warning bells. Yet, as T-Bird so aptly put it, “Right about the time I start listening, they stop talking.”

Meaning, I have that feeling, still that same feeling that I’m not privy to the entire picture, but just snippets.

After his divorce, Jace moved back in with his parents and is planning on moving out in the near future. Well, he keeps talking about it, but, it hasn’t materialized in the last three months. He mentioned it again yesterday and I get the feeling he would just rather move in with me and is either waiting for me to offer or will broach the subject soon.

I’m not even sorry to say, that isn’t going to happen. I like having my own space and he needs his own as well, and not just a separate room but a whole other dwelling. And frankly, after three months, I’m not ready for that. Talk to me in a year, maybe.

Sadly, I also don’t feel strongly enough about the relationship to do that. I love him but in many ways, I don’t love him like that. Its not one big thing, but a lot of little ones.

Before, I know I would have gotten in and gotten out, but, that’s one of my problems. I don’t really give a relationship time to grow, mature and blossom. I really wanted to give that a shot and put myself out there.

Intellectually, he is very intelligent, but its a very narrow intelligence. He has little to no interest in my hobbies, whether it be beading or reading. I finished the “Twilight” series a few weeks ago and although he saw me reading the books, he never asked if they were any good or what they were about.

Yeah, and absolutely no real interest in the work that I do artistically. Not that I expect him to be morbidly interested in my design processes or things like that, but, a little interest when I’m actually working on a piece would be nice.

He’s not given to deep conversations either. Spirituality is very important to me and he doesn’t have any. When I’ve talked to him about the experiences I’ve had and the things I believe, he doesn’t really have anything to say, at all. Not even to disagree or to even say he hasn’t made up his mind. I don’t think he gives it a thought, ever.

However, he’s very kind and thoughtful. He’s ambitious and wants to do well for himself. I’m just not sure if he would throw someone under a train to get it. Somethings just don’t add up. Like, the moving out thing. He works two jobs (soon to be just one) and makes about twice what I do, yet, has no money. Even with his car payment and the bills he helps his parents with and a few other things, he doesn’t really have that many obligations. Yet… three months later, he’s still living at home, and he’s admitted, he likes to waste money.

If I waste money, I’d better have something to show for it. Pictures from a vacation, a concert ticket, beads, SOMETHING. But he has nothing.

I’ve talked to two friends, one man and one woman, and they both say, “Just ride it out. It will show itself for what it is sooner or later.”

The part that drives me nuts is not being able to put my finger on it. Warning bells, I hear you. Red flags, I see you. Just gonna ride it out, because I can’t put my finger on it.


  1. Marie said,

    You at least know that you need to see something else in the realtionship – great sign. Like the others…ride it out and see what develops.

  2. Tammie said,

    I think the fact that he makes twice as much as you do, lives with his parents and STILL doesn’t have any money would sent HUGE flashing red lights.
    In this day and age, especially with the economy the way it is, you have to be responsible with your money.

    Ride it out and see what happens but that one factor would really worry me.

  3. tinyhands said,

    Not just the money, but the things that are important to you. I dunno, you just don’t seem that compatible. Surely you don’t think that he’s going to change, do you? But that’s my 1200-miles-away perspective.

  4. SagaciousHillbilly said,

    Are you sure he can read? Not just labels on cans and things like that, but sit down and read something? Ask him to read a page out of a book to you sometime. Five will get you ten he struggles.

  5. Evil Twin's Wife said,

    I’ve found that many guys aren’t “into” reading. But, I worry about people who say they don’t like to read. And the money thing would *really* worry me. Maybe he’s just biding his time, hoping you’ll ask him to move in (which you’ve already wisely decided that won’t be happening) and is planning to freeload off of you.

  6. kenju said,

    I agree with Tammie. Be very careful with this one. Something doesn’t add up.

  7. Zelda said,

    I actually just wrote a whole stupid comment, but I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m good at my own relationship and wretched at anyone else’s. You seem to know what you want and what is a dealbreaker and nothing you say sounds unreasonable. I’m glad you are giving your relationships a chance, though. Sometimes they take a little time. Just don’t suffer.

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