The Weekend and a Yield Sign

November 24, 2008 at 7:13 pm (Memories, Relationships, Work)

Was hectic. It actually started on Thursday. Jeff has been drinking and he and Nate’s sister had a blow-up and he was trying to come off of the booze around that same time, which is a rather frightening thing, plus, for Jeff, a serious health problem. He takes medication which he a) shouldn’t take with alcohol and b) he shouldn’t stop taking suddenly. It leads to that nasty seizure problem two years ago where he crashed his car. *Sigh*

Jeff got his shit straightened out and actually saw Danlel today while she was getting her braces put on. I think it went well.

Friday, my co-workers did all they could to ensure that I had a great birthday despite having to work a double. My GM and the Executive Chef got me a cake and a Bead & Button magazine, plus gift cards to Hell*mart and movie ticket vouchers. A-Rod and Mariebee got me a card and a gift card to Targay and the rest of the gang all signed a card for me. It didn’t hurt that Jace actually got off around the same time I did and we had some time together before I had to be back up for work on Saturday morning.

Saturday evening, Jace took me out to dinner and we had a really great time. I mean a REALLY GREAT TIME! It was one of the best birthdays I can remember.

Sunday, I worked and since we were closed but working we all had on old jeans and sweatshirts and had some beer and a lot of laughs. It made it not so bad.

But Sunday evening, things started sliding downhill with a call from Jace. Ya know, he just didn’t sound like himself and he wanted to come down, which was fine. He and Nate talked about videogames and I went off to take a shower. I came out to find Jace acting strange, or at least, strange for him. I noticed he had a glass of soda and I wondered if he had dipped into his stash of rum in the freezer. Turns out he had because he was totally trashed by the time I put Nate to bed at 10:30. He got there at 9:30.

I figured he had had a few drinks while he watched the football game but, needless to say, I was rather unhappy and after he finished throwing up and staggering around trying to find his glucose meter (he’s Type I diabetic), checking his blood sugar, and taking his insulin, I laid it out for him in very calm, succinct terms.

I told him how utterly rude and disrespectful it was for him to get drunk and come to my home or to finish getting drunk in my house, in front of my son, in front of me, and be a rude little shit on top of that, especially since he knew what I had been through that week with Jeff. He apologized and said it wouldn’t happen again. I said, “I don’t mean to be a bitch, but I know it won’t, because if it ever looks like it will again, you’ll be shown the door and you won’t be coming back. I don’t date alcoholics, I don’t enable alcoholics, and I’m not dealing with it, period. If you feel as if you have a problem with alcohol, then say it now, and we’ll call it an end.”

Just to make sure he understood, I told him again this morning when he was sober. I have nothing against drinking. I do it myself and while I have a drink in front of Nate, I don’t get drunk.  The last time I was drunk was when T-Bird and I went out and she was the designated driver and she knew I was going to tie a big one on. The time before that was when I was in Texas at the Blogmeet, when Tinyhands had the distinction of being the PeachWrangler. I have a tendency to warn folks ahead of time when I intend to tie one on, whether its having a great time, like in TX, or like when I just needed to blow off a lot of pent up steam, like I did with T-Bird.

Regardless, Jace has a tendency to be a bit needy emotionally and needs, what is becoming, a lot of reassurance as to where this relationship is going and frankly, I’m happy to reign him and it in. I like him a lot and aside from this, so far, one (and hopefully last) incident, I’m enjoying getting to know him. People make mistakes, even in the earliest stages of a relationship, but I no longer believe in third, fourth, and fifth chances. I said my peace and I meant it. Quite frankly, at this point, he’s totally expendable to me.

He told me that he’s really falling hard for me. As gently as possible I told him that while I really liked him, I’m not ga-ga and even more so now, I’m still very cautious, and even more so now, I have every right to be. What happened showed either a serious lapse in judgement or a serious problem, neither of which I’m comfortable with, and after only two weeks… I see this as a serious yield sign.

You ever get that feeling that someone is hiding something from you? Yeah, I got that feeling. *Sigh*


  1. kenju said,

    Be happy that you got that sign early in the relationship. That’s a blessing!
    Glad to know your birthday went well.

  2. trashman said,

    Dude made a mistake. That’s what we do. Let him butter your muffin and forget about it. It wont happen again.

  3. eviltwinswife said,

    It sounds like you had a nice birthday weekend – except the “incident”. If the “incident” becomes a “situation”, you obviously know what you will and will not tolerate. Good for you!

  4. Inanna said,

    Kenju, sometimes its just a good thing that peeps know where you stand early on. Yes, it was a great birthday.

    My TrashySunshine, I hope your magic crystal ball is right.

    ETW, I think I made myself undeniably clear.

  5. themom said,

    You’ve laid the groundwork and parameters…hold steady. My hubby was an alcoholic and I refuse to tolerate it in my house. I will have the occassional wine, but having lived with the syndrome all those years and having to be watchful, I just can’t give in. Good luck, and glad your birthday went well.

  6. Vince said,

    Happy Birthday, a few days late! Glad you could enjoy it as much as possible. Glad you’re sticking to you guns. Sometimes it’s better to lay things out up front.

  7. Tina said,

    ^I believe that as well. Maybe he just had a bad day, who knows. We all have them, but at least you were firm with him. If he has any sense in that skull of his he will take it seriously. I think you made yourself VERY clear. Whether he has a problem like Jeff I don’t know. It’s better if you find out now, though.

    Anyway, I am glad your coworkers made your birthday more special than what you were expecting. That’s pretty cool!


  8. Jammie J said,

    Time will tell whether it’s a red flag or a freak flag.
    Either way; I’m confident you can handle it.

  9. Jammie J said,

    Oh… and HAPPY BIRTHDAY! 🙂

  10. Mahala said,

    Happy Birthday 🙂

    Trust your gut. It will never lie to you.

  11. Zelda said,

    I hope it doesn’t happen again. You’re right to stand your ground. And happy birthday, again. 🙂

  12. phoebe said,

    Happy birthday, Sister Spirit. Glad you were born. Stopped by to say so after seeing your comment at AJ’s, and while I’m sorry to read you’ve got this to deal with, having been married once to an alcoholic myself, I admire the way you’re doing it.

  13. restless angel said,

    Happy now sort of late birthday. Hopefully he got the message and it was a one-time deal.

  14. PandoraWilde said,

    Stick to it, baby! Once is a little time spent out of control. More than once and you has another alcoholic, which you don’t need.

    You laid out the rules. If he can’t stick to them now, nothing short of rehab will make it possible for him to do so. If it happens again, be gone and make him stay the hell away.

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