I Need A Beer

October 9, 2008 at 10:44 pm (Cats, Crazy Shit, Nate, Work)

Thank you for your good thoughts for Tango. I did get to visit with him today for about five minutes. He was still drying off from his latest bath in an attempt to break his fever. It was better. They had it down to normalish last night but this morning it spiked back to 104, so back in the bath he went. He was still damp and purring a nervous purr, but I talked to him and held him and he seemed to be better. At least he was moving around more. Shedding horribly, since he’s been under stress, but otherwise he overall seemed a bit better.

His blood results should be back in the morning. I’m going to stop by and check on him before I go to work. I know they think he has FIP, Feline Infectious Perotinitis. Always progressive, always fatal. I’ve had two other cats that died of it. When I thought back, I realized that Tango belongs to the same family line as those same kittens who died. Sometimes I forget that Tango was Hermione’s nephew. My best guess is that Tango’s grandmother was a carrier and passed it on to her children, who then passed it on to their children. The virus just sits there… waiting. Sometimes it flares up and sometimes the cats just live with it and it never rears its ugly head.

I was honest with Nate about Tango and the potential decision we may face. I’ve already made up my mind that even if Tango has FIP or something else, that he’ll come home anyway and we’ll keep him as long as he’s comfortable. The other cats have already been exposed and we’ll do what we have to with them as well. I know when to let go and frankly, its not right now. Maybe next week or next month, but not now.

*****

Had a lot going on today. Of course, it was my day off so I didn’t get a bit of rest. Jeff and I had talked the night before about issues with Nate’s prescription insurance, so I sat out to pick-up some receipts. On my way to do that, I stopped at the restaurant to pick up a couple of menus to take with me. Found out one of our new servers had been arrested last night, IN THE PARKING LOT, for DUI. Not sure where she had been, not sure where she was going, but just so happens, that’s where they pulled her over. Great.

Slender quipped while I was there that I could have his evening shift if I so desired. I need the money and on evening shift you can rake it in. However, Jeff’s mother called me and said he was drunk and tonight was also Homecoming at Nate’s middle school so he definitely didn’t want to miss the last game. *Sigh*

Before the game even, I was at the school to meet with Nate’s teachers about his 504 plan. I was able to talk to his teachers about his seizure activity and dysgraphia. One of his teachers from last year said she had noticed his seizure activity was not nearly as bad as last year. I have seen a difference in Nate and Nate has even noticed a change in himself, and now we know which video games cause his seizure activity to spike, so, he doesn’t play them.

Regardless, he is still having some problems and all of his teachers said to keep them informed in Nate’s planner, he has to work 10 minutes every night on each subject that he has homework in, then I can sign off on it if he’s having problems, he will have the option of typing his assignments on the computer at home and at school, which is really, really helpful for children with dysgraphia, and in school he will have the option of doing some assignments orally so he’s not as fatigued by the process of writing.

The biggest problem with all of this is Nate. I’ve brought up several things that I felt would help him and he’s said no because he doesn’t want to be different. At first he said he wasn’t a good enough typer to use the computer, until I brought him home and made him type out his journal – a whole three sentences. He had four before he knew it and he was like, “Hey, I can do this!” I can do what I can at home, but I told him that he knows when he’s having a hard time writing and it was his responsibility to communicate with his teachers about wanting an oral assignment versus a written one or using the computer to type it out.

Another problem, he knows EXACTLY HOW SMART HE IS. Scary, very scary.

Anyway…

*****

Jeff called me later and while I could tell he had been drinking, he wasn’t totally wasted. He probably had been. What frightened me is that he asked me if he had come to my house last night or if he had called me, which he hadn’t. Even when he’s not drinking, Jeff has a serious problem with sleepwalking… and sleep driving. Obviously, this is what happened last night. He “woke up” about seven miles from home in the parking lot of my alma mater across the river from where I live.

He said there was a cup of coffee beside of his chair this morning but he has no recollection of getting the coffee, and at four o’clock in the morning, its possible he may have tried several convenience stores before finding one that allowed you to walk in. Around here, after 11 p.m., all the stores close their doors and transactions are through a drawer. He also said his room was a mess and it looked like he may have had another seizure.

There’s just no way for him to know. He and I talked about his medication and the effect that it has on him, drinking or not. Jeff takes Klonipin and he had given me .5 mg the night of the fire and the night after to help me sleep. The second morning I had a horrible dream and I refused to ever take another of those devil pills. I know when Jeff is on a binge that he drinks about a fifth of whiskey a day. He admitted to me today that he’s so miserable that he just wishes he would die and maybe that’s why he drinks so much, because he won’t commit suicide, at least not the “normal” way.

Is that not bizarre that I just put that in writing?

I pretty well knew that he would get completely tanked today because he knew that I would have Nate and I could pick Nate up from school. I know him. He also told me today that his kids deserved better. I’m not sure whether this will encourage him to do whatever he has to do, or rather he’ll just continue to drink and hope that it does him in fairly quickly, yet, he spoke to me of the fear of what he might have done last night and had no recollection of. Not the first time, I might add, that Jeff has gone for late night drives while asleep. Frightening indeed. I’ve had some conversations with him in which I knew he was dead asleep. I just hang up on him because he doesn’t remember anyway.

I don’t think that Jeff is really suicidal, I think he’s so miserable that he’s looking for any way out he can find. He’s desperate to make the dreams stop, dreams of death, dreams of his death, dreams of his own suicide, that he’ll do anything to make them stop, even drinking himself to death while not really wanting to die. I hope someone other than myself understood that.

So, that was my life today and I didn’t drink at all, which, I really feel as though I deserve at least a beer out of this.

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8 Comments

  1. Seamus said,

    What a tough day!

    That’s a toughie with Jeff. “B” and I have had 3 similar experiences in our extended family that left this plane by floating out of it in a bottle and now there is a 4th to deal with. It is a terrible limited-win position, no matter what tact you take. I wish him well, but change will be up to him.

  2. Julie said,

    You totally deserve a beer. Hugs and scritches to little Tango – it’s so hard to have a sick kitty and not be able to do anything for them! More importantly, hugs to you as you deal with the Jeff situation. Sometimes getting to a place where you understand someone is even scarier than not understanding them.

  3. PandoraWilde said,

    The Klonopin probably isn’t helping him with the sleepwalking and driving, but is he on Ambien or anything like that? Or is he getting something like that from someone else? Because that class of drugs will worsen sleep activities, and sometimes starts them in people who have never had them before.

  4. Marie said,

    Your plate is so very full…I wish I could help. But good thoughts coming your way. Poor kitty – I’ve never heard of FIP before – watch your other kitties too.

  5. Vince said,

    Never a dull moment with you, is there?

    You have my permission to have 2 beers.

  6. kenju said,

    I’m with Vince! Two should help a little.

  7. Tina said,

    (((hugs)))

  8. restless angel said,

    I think I actually understood that last bit about Jeff. That is pretty scary. As for Tango, hopefully it isn’t FIP, and was just a fluke….

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