Working Overtime

June 28, 2008 at 7:22 pm (Alice in Chains, Music, Work)

That would be me… and my spiritual DJs.

Tuesday, I was scheduled to work 9-7. I left work at 11:45.  The big festival the Capitol City has expanded this year from 3 to 10 days, so our part of town decided to get in on the action. Our part of the festival was from 6 -9 and the unofficial mascot of the festival is a catfish. Executive Chef made catfish gumbo… 30 gallons of it. He sold 27 GALLONS of gumbo. That is a lot of okra, folks.

We were wall-to-wall people, inside the restaurant, for 5 hours. They had hoped that 500-600 people would come up… 1200-1500 actually made it. Insanity. Pure insanity.

Yesterday I was scheduled a double (9a – 10p), but I got to leave at 7:45. We had a memorial service in-house catering type deal, where they take over one side of the restaurant.  The widow called about 30 minutes beforehand and said, “Oh, the count went from 35-40 to 50.” YIKES. So much for one side of the restaurant. We set our private dining area as well and everything went off without a hitch, except it was just loud and full. The other side of the restaurant was packed as well. It took us three hours afterwards just to clean and polish the silverware and glasses.

Good money, but exhausting.

I was putting out butters one morning this week, maybe Thursay? Maybe it was yesterday (the days all run together), and I was thinking of this whole Jerry counseling thing and yeah, an Alice song came on the radio (Don’t Follow), then was also thinking about it the other night as I was coming home from the local gas station. Actually, I wasn’t really thinking of it, a lot of things were just floating through my thoughts and that one popped up and then “Down in a Hole” popped up on the radio.

Down in a hole/and I don’t know if I can be saved/See my heart/I decorate it like a grave…

I sat in my car in front of my house and listened to it, even though I have at least two versions on iTunes and the MTV Unplugged video.

I am down in a hole, but I’m pretty sure I can be saved. 

Case in point:  Last night I talked to Jeff. He and I were discussing Nate’s insurance and some medical expenses his insurance hasn’t paid, namely the $1400 of prescriptions they haven’t paid out on. I could tell he had either taken his meds, was drinking, or both. Since it was 9:45 and he was semi-coherent I figured it was his meds. Before long he was talking in circles and asking me if I hated him. I have every reason to, asshole, but I don’t. I just cut him off and got off the phone. I’m just not dealing with him like that anymore nor discussing that type of subject matter. its useless and a waste of time and energy I don’t have anymore.

THEN, AZ called and then he stopped by. He said, “Come outside and give me a hug.”  Before, I would have gotten that “feeling” in the pit of my stomach, something. Before, when I used to hug him I actually felt something, love, hate, love, something. The conditioned response was to run outside and hug him, so I did, but I didn’t feel anything. No love, no hate, no love.

I talked to T-Bird directly afterwards and she asked, “What did he want after so long?”  I had no answer. She said, “He always wants something, what did he want?”  I have no answer. Maybe he just wanted to see me (he’s gained that marriage weight, by the way). I told her I can no longer read anything into what he says or does. He stopped to see me, to say hi, and that is all. I can’t remember the last time I saw him in person.

I told her how I felt and she said, “You’re turned off. You shut yourself down and now you’re trying to turn yourself on again and in order to do that, you have to deal with Kevin, AZ, the fire, and Jeff, in that order. Jeff will always be around, so deal with him last.”

I said, nope. Jeff is first, because he sucks the energy out of me to deal with the other stuff. I’ve already taken strides, big strides to do that, and I continue to watch for those cues that he’s trying to suck me back in.

I’m really tired of feeling numb. Time to start peeling the onion again.

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6 Comments

  1. kenju said,

    I can’t believe you fed that many people at that restaurant! You must have had them back to back all day and night long. I think I will be there sometime over the weekend of July 11-12-13, so maybe I’ll see you.

  2. Inanna said,

    ACK! No, no, we didn’t feed that many people inside… I just re-read that part Kenju and it does sound like we had that many people IN the restaurant… no, no, LOL! That’s how many people came to Festivall on the Hill. I’m not sure how many we fed in the restaurant but it was a 30-40 minute wait for a table and that was constant for about four hours once we filled up, which you know, didn’t take long. Oh, I’ll probably be around about that time. I think I’m asking for the 14th/15th off, otherwise, I’ll be there.

  3. Vince said,

    That’s a busy couple of days!

    Are you sure it’s a bad thing not to feel anything for AZ? It might be numbness, or it might be that everything has played itself out and now it’s best just to be aquaintences. He had his shot and made his choices.

  4. LisaBinDaCity said,

    It’s hard when you feel shut down. That numb feeling of depression and sadness can be overwhelming. Keep your chin up, kiddo. We are here for you!

  5. oldhorsetailsnake said,

    You ever think you work too much? I do……

  6. Doug Smith said,

    Happy 4th Nan!

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