Insomniac

June 10, 2008 at 11:02 pm (Alice in Chains, Black Stone Cherry, Cats, Crazy Shit, Music, Nate)

This is the first cold I’ve ever had that included insomnia as a symptom. It may also be the violent coughing fits that strike at the most inopportune moments, like at 3 a.m. I’m not certain this isn’t some sort of multi-faceted cold/sinus/allergy fucocktomy versus your common everyday cold. If I take stuff to dry up my nose then my coughing abates. There isn’t anything in my chest, because I know when that’s the case. Its all in my head and throat. 

The bad thing about this insomnia is… I’m so tired I can’t do anything other than wish I was sleeping.  I made the mistake of taking an Advil PM and was rewarded by a 3 a.m. coughing fit in which I was so sleepy I could barely hold my head up to cough. Oh joy and fun.

Hasn’t helped that Mother Nature has issued the heat smackdown and temps have been in the upper 90’s for fuck’s sake! The power outage last night didn’t help anything. Once the breeze cooled to a comfortable level after 1 a.m., the power came back on at 2:04 a.m. I know this because my bedroom light was on and, oh yeah, I was awake.

Mother Nature is smacking everybody down. God rest ye weary souls in the Midwest.

Nate has started summer camp and is coming home blissfully tired every evening. Jeff is none too happy and expressed his displeasure last night. Like I give a fuck. He said something to the effect that I had a job to go to everyday and he didn’t have anything and he was really looking forward to having Nate for the summer. I told him something to the effect that he should have thought of that before he got tanked for three weeks straight and decided not to deal with his anger issues. I told him something along the lines that he was a mean, hateful, angry, abusive person. Not just a mean, hateful, angry, abusive drunk, but person, period.

I forgot to mention, however, that I’ll be flayed, salted, and screaming before I send my almost 12 year-old to babysit his drunk daddy for the summer. How pathetic.

A new acquaintance of mine stated recently, “I always said I would die for my girls, yet, I stayed in this abusive relationship.” Her girls, like Nate, wised up before we did, and one of her girls was actually reviewing the real estate page to find them a place to live. She has left the relationship but when she said that, she spoke what I had been thinking myself. 

I told T-Bird after I came home from Milwaukee that this thing with Jeff is not really about what the court decides or doesn’t decide. Its really about me standing my ground. Its really about me standing up to him and speaking the truth.

Here’s a truth. I’m really bad about making allowances for Nate because of Jeff.  I’m not doing that anymore. Nate has to be held accountable for his actions, not that I don’t face resistence from Jeff for that, even though he’s the one who says I don’t hold Nate accountable enough yet doesn’t back me up when I try to hold him accountable. Okay, that Round Robin could just keep spinning but I’m plucking out its tail feathers.

And its not that Nate is this horrible kid. Nate is kind, considerate for the most part, very compassionate, loving, but also a kid, and prone to playing two ends against the middle and wiggling to get his way. I let him wiggle too much at times and I have to work on not letting that happen.

I have found, since booting Jeff from our daily existence, that Nate stops a lot of the behaviors that constitute what I call “wiggling.” Its probably because I’m less stressed and less exhausted mentally that I don’t give in but I’m not sure why he gives up easier, perhaps because he too is less stressed. You’d be surprised how much calmer he is now and how much better he listens and helps around the house.

Perhaps it is also that he sees and hears me standing up for myself and either has more respect for both me and himself or figures he’d better not mess with the sleeping bear or a little of both. Regardless, the next great hurdle is 7th grade. I simply am tired of the bullshit school turns into every year.  I won’t accept any less than I know Nate is capable of, period. I hope he gets that message over the summer.

In happier news, Black Stone Cherry is releasing their 2nd CD on August 19th, entitled, “Folklore and Superstitions.”  Right up my alley, boys! Woot!  I’m chompin’ at the bit, waiting to hear the new music, especially since it is based on two of my favorite things. The song titles sound very interesting!  AND, Alice in Chains has tracked the demo tracks for their new CD… release date unknown, album title, song titles, and lyrics not allowed to be disclosed. It was initially thought they were actually recording the album but Baldy set us all straight and said to pack the cooler and lawn chair back up because it could still be a while.

“Not a Guns ‘N’ Roses Chinese Democracy while, but a regular band while,” so sayeth the Baldy.

One thing they did leak was ” the horrific assemblage of facial hair that has overtaken every member of” AIC… which you don’t get to see because it won’t load. Some women don’t like facial hair, but I love it. The more the merrier, well, except in cases of EXTREME facial hair. Regular ole facial hair is okay.

Anyway, and to make you all feel better, Jeff is good for something. He did find some kittens for us to adopt. We’ve picked out a little girl and a little boy (I know, I know). We’ve named the girl Luna in memory of our other Harry Potter kitty, Hermione. The little boy we haven’t decided if we’re getting and if we do what we’ll named him. I think I’ll secretly call him, “Alice.”  Hey, if Johnny Cash can have a boy named “Sue” then I can have a boy named “Alice.” LOL!

Good night, hopefully.

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7 Comments

  1. kenju said,

    I am so glad you refused to send Nate to the drunk for the summer. A lot of women would have, since it would be the easy way out. You stand your ground with Jeff and also with Nate and Nate will grow up to be the kind of man you can be proud of. (and he’ll definitely respect you more, too!)

  2. Vickie said,

    Hope you’re feeling better soon; I’m just now coming down with it. Sounds like you are making some really sound home/life decisions that will serve you well. Luuuv the name for the new kitten. Bet she’s a sweetie, and it’s a nice tribute for Hermione.

  3. aimee said,

    Did you sleep last night? I hope so.

    Sending you loads of love and hugs and congratulations for doing the right things. 🙂

    xoxo
    a

  4. Vince said,

    That’s funny, we’re going through a lot of the same things with Maverick, teaching him accountability, wondering how 7th grade is going to go based on his performance this year, etc. Raising boys ain’t easy, is it?

    Hope you’re sleeping now. I know the weather up here is a little better but not sure about where you are.

  5. Doug Smith said,

    Hi girl,
    Just picked you back up on my radar. Still writing awesome posts. Hope your feeling better soon.

  6. Julie said,

    Sounds like my cold found you. Sorry about that!

    You are doing what is best for you and Nate, and Jeff can go take a flying fuck if he is too blind to see it. Stand your ground, girl, you are doing the right thing.

    And congrats on the new kitties!

  7. Tina said,

    I hope you are sleeping better,dude. I know both you and Nate were sound asleep this morning when I left and I didn’t want to bother either of you. I woke up with Tango and Jack walking all over me. LOL!

    See ya soon! Can’t wait to show you my new tat!

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