Shove My Nose In Shit

April 21, 2008 at 10:35 pm (Alice in Chains, Crazy Shit, Nate, Work)

Has it already been a week since I posted? Geez, where does the time go? Oh yeah, in all that other stuff I do. How to recap the week… with strike-throughs.

Let’s see, Nate got in trouble at school again. This time he has after school detention. He uses this time to draw and play hangman. I feel as though he’s really learning a lesson about how to fuck off.  Really, it was a bullshit call and I told the vice-principal that very thing. Jeff said I made an ass out of myself. I told him I prefer the term, “bitch.”

Speaking of that lying, conniving, manipulative, piece of shit Jeff, he started his shit about how if Nate doesn’t straighten up he’ll continue to pay child support but he won’t have anything to do with Nate. I wanted to ask him if that was a pre-emptive strike since Nate will probably make that decision for him when he’s older. Instead, I congratulated him on his superior parenting skills and how much that must have boosted Nate’s self-confidence and self-esteem. *snarl*

It only got better, children! Oh, yes, the insanity wasn’t anywhere near over. I called douchebag Jeff to remind him that he needed to pick Nate up on Friday after school and inquired as to whether he would keeping Nate Friday evening (as per our parenting plan) since I had to work until 8 or 9. I also told him that I had two tickets to the local baseball farm team if he wanted to take Nate, since it was his parenting time. This was all over voicemail, since fucktard Jeff couldn’t be bothered to answer my call.

He waited until he knew I would be on the floor so I couldn’t answer his call, to leave me a nice missive about how he would keep Nate Friday night, oh, and how I was welcome to pick Nate up early to take him to the baseball game but he didn’t feel as though Nate should be rewarded for his poor behavior and recent troubles at school. *Snort* This coming from the dickweed who wouldn’t back me on disciplining Nate when he was suspended. Matter of fact, he went out of his way to make sure he was extra nice to Nate following his suspension, until then, Nate was placed on detention… yeah.

I didn’t feel as though that was worthy of retort because he was just trying to get my back up, and I’ll be flayed, sprinkled with salt, and damned before that happens.

I picked Nate up Sunday at the appointed time. Nate had a bag full of computer games his dad had bought him at the church rummage sale for a dollar. Nate also proudly informed me, on the less than 15 minute ride home, that he got to do something that I had said we might do but didn’t do.

“Daddy took me to the circus!”

“Is that so?” I didn’t really mean for my voice to sound so evil. (Sort of like Glenn Close in “Fatal Attraction”)

Then Nate, who is too young to have ever seen “Fatal Attraction” and thus does not recognize the dangerous water in which he was treading, continues with his story and tells me that his dad didn’t have the money for the circus so he mentioned it to his elderly aunt, who would move Heaven and Earth for Nate, that he didn’t have the money and the tickets are *gasp* $75.00. Ya’ll know she whipped out a $100 to pay for Nate, cocksucker Jeff, and his girlfriend – the same girlfriend who accused him of having a thing with me after the fire, (1)she was my girl, used to be my world, I miss my girl, what a fine girl… even though I haven’t touched the man in almost 13 years, and the next time I touch him, it may just be to strangle the life out of him – to go to the effin’ circus, folks! That cost $41.25!

Let’s recap:

Manipulation: CHECK!

Lying: CHECK!

Hypocrisy: CHECK!

I think Nate learned some valuable lessons this weekend, don’t you? It gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling, or that may just be the wine I’ve been drinking since yesterday to ward off the overwhelming desire evil inclination to run him over with a freight train.

I’m sure he was just waiting on me to call him and tell him what a lousy piece of shit he was… so I didn’t. He’s been baiting me. Making little snide comments about how he’s not going to allow this situation with Nate and “you” to drive him to drink. Its all good, dickwad, I’ll take up the drinking part of it. Then, the phone call and then the whole scenario this weekend. Dangling that bait.

As Jerry would say,(2) “Thanks for tryin’,” emphasis on the deep voice laced with sarcasm.

And never fear, I acted completely shocked and perplexed that his sperm donor father would take Nate to the circus after his reaction to the tickets that I had for the baseball game (which were completely free and involved no manipulation or lying to the elderly to obtain). I appropriately ooohed and ahhhed at the video and pictures Nate took on his cellphone and then drank some Schmitt-Soehne. Nothing like a good German wine to take the edge off of the butcher knife I was sharpening. (3) Aim my smiling skull at you.

And he even though he’s known me for almost 15 years, assmunch always forgets that I’M NOT A MORNING PERSON and proceeds to call me at 6:30 this morning to let me know that “that little idiot forgot his medicine.” Newsflash: If you think I want to talk to your sorry ass this early in the morning, let alone see you, (4) YOU’RE FUCKING CRAZY. I informed him that I had extra medicine, because I’m so unprepared, and an angry drive to my house would not be necessary.

Again, I failed to mention that it was he who had distracted Nate from getting his (seizure) medicine because he was too busy telling me how his dog had gotten into Nate’s overnight bag and CHEWED UP Nate’s other medicine bottle, the one with the really expensive (and dangerous if ingested by dogs) medication. He better be glad she wasn’t actually able to break open the capsule or swallow said pill or said dog would be DEAD.

I also failed to mention that Nate can take his seizure medicine any time of day, unlike his other medication, which he MUST take in the morning. I had that medicine, but since his cumwad father can’t be bothered to learn about his medications, he keeps forgetting that, or so he says. I think he just wanted to see my lovely face this morning, which I promptly denied him.

I think that about covers life with Nate.

In other, unrelated, news, our new Assistant Manager put in her notice. As if I needed another reason to drink in celebration.  As Jerry would say, “Thanks for tryin’.”  *Hat tip* to Seamus and his hearth rollin’ bones for their accurate prediction.

This post was brought to you by:

Sarcasm, in all its glory;


Schmitt-Soehne Spaetlese Reisling;

Foul-mouthed former rockers Guns N’ Roses – (4) “You’re Crazy” from Appetite for Destruction;

Grunge gods Alice in Chains – lyrics of post title from “Man In The Box” and (3) “Sea of Sorrow” from Facelift; and;

Lord of the Riff, Mr. Jerry Cantrell – lyrics from (1) “She Was My Girl” and (2) “Thanks Anyway” from Degredation Trip – Volume 2, closing lyrics from “Between” from Boggy Depot.

It’s fair to say that in your eyes I’m wrong
And in my mind, that’s all right

* No rabbits were harmed in the writing of this post*


  1. Tina said,

    I think you pretty much summed it up there……hyprocrite, sperm donor, cumwad, cocksucker, etc.

    I don’t think there is anything left but to call him a cunt. Have some wine for me! (((hugs)))


  2. Jammie J. said,

    That doesn’t sound very relaxing at all. Pfft.

    Hey, have you heard of Sarcasma? Link

  3. Jammie J. said,

    That Sarcasma? I’ve started taking it, I’m a much nicer person! hehehe 😛

  4. LisaBinDaCity said,

    That’s quite a rant, Missy. I am in awe of your prose 😉

    I’m sending you good juju and hugs though…

  5. Tina said,

    Sarcasma? I like it. Sounds like a cool name for a band. 😉


  6. Vince said,

    If no rabbits were harmed, then what animals were?

    Have I mentioned how much I love you when you’re this way? Women with a good streak of sarcasm always turn me on.

  7. Ashley said,

    quite the drama around there. I know it wasn’t supposed to be overly humerous but I was laughing away at your descriptions of Jeff LOL

  8. Inanna said,

    Beanie: I think I forgot “dicklicker.”

    Jammie: That’s hilarious, but if I take Sarcasma then I will lose all of my personality.

    Lisa B.: Only a southern girl would call another southern girl “Missy” knowin’ that’s not her name and knowin’ she’ll understand. That’s what I like about you.

    Vince: I live to turn you on with my sarcasm.

    Ashley: Hell, laugh away!!!!

  9. cybele said,

    I think Sarcasma’s a great name for your Superhero alter ego, you know the vengeful one who kicks ass in spandex and knee high boots, and no matter how much head-busting she’s been doing, her hair is always PERFECT.

    Plus her bra strap never shows, no matter what.

    You needed a reason for a good rant. Dicksmack did you a favor. Yep.

  10. Lisa said,

    Yeah, way to go, Jeff – I think Nate won’t be long in drawing his own conclusions about seeing him. As for Jeff calling you an ass, I think my response would have been, “Well, it takes one to know one.” LOL

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