If Ever I Had A Sister…

February 13, 2008 at 9:37 pm (Crazy Shit, Friends, Relationships, T-Bird)

Her name would be T-Bird.

Way back in 2005, before my trip to New Orleans and Houston, I wrote a series of posts about T-Bird and our relationship. I blogged quite a bit in ’04 and ’05 about how I wanted to kill her somedays. Well, I still do. I’m sure she wants to kill me some days. We accept this as part of our friendship.

Of all the people I know, she’s probably changed the most since I met her. In good ways.

This time last year, she took on the task of raising her nephews in addition to her own son because her sister and Little A’s dad are both worthless pieces of shit. Oh, Big A’s dad is worthless too.  Big A will be four in August and Little A just turned three. T-Bird and her old man, who she’s not even married to anymore, have raised Big A and Little A practically since they were born.

T-Bird’s sister asked her to take the boys while she “got her life together.” After the initial adjustment to living at T-Bird’s all the time, she was supposed to come by and help bathe the boys and put them to bed, have weekend visitation, etc. That has probably happened a grand total of twice in the past year.  She was also supposed to help out monetarily as best she could. Instead, she decided partying and getting tattoos was more important than diapers, pull-ups, clothes, food, shoes… you know, all those things that kids need.

Had the boys stayed with their mother, there isn’t much doubt in my mind the State would have stepped in and taken them. The reason her sister handed them over to her is because she would take both boys. Everyone else just wanted the eldest. Little A had a lot of ear problems as a baby and whined constantly, never slept through the night, etc. I told T-Bird that as soon as she got tubes in his ears he would be fine. He was.

T-Bird is a very good mother. A little over-protective and no doubt she can be the biggest bitch you’ve ever met, even more than me, much more than me. However, I can say I don’t much blame her given what she has put up with out of her mother and her sister in the past year.

Most of the time, if I don’t have money, T-Bird does. If she doesn’t, then I do. 2007 was one of the leanest years for us collectively, ever. Yet, somehow, we managed to wade through custody, fire, broken water heaters, feast, famine, and family bullshit to make it through 2007.

Her sister is one of the most selfish people I have ever met, to the point of cruelty. Its sad, just SAD people, when a woman will sit on her ass and watch one of her children hurt, sad, or scared, and do nothing, leaving that child to seek solace from their aunt, or their pseudo-aunt, that would be me, or their uncle, who isn’t even their uncle anymore, yet changes their diapers, bathes their bottoms, works to put a roof over their head and clothes on their back. A MAN WHO ISN’T EVEN RELATED TO THEM BY BLOOD OR MARRIAGE (anymore.)

When T-Bird’s water heater went kaput, do you think any member of her family offered assistance in anyway? No. I bought T-Bird’s water heater and I’m glad I had the money to do it.  My contractor finished sweating the pipes for them for free as a favor to me!  T-Bird and I have exchanged the same $20 for an entire year. I needed gas, she needed gas, she needed diapers, I needed food, she needed food, I needed a utility paid, and on and on.

And she kept the utilities on, a family of five fed, paid the rent, took the kids, including her own, to doctors and dentist appointments, (and trust me, they have a lot because Big A has asthma and other bronchial problems and Little A had the trouble with his ears, and surgery, and T-Bird had two surgeries of her own since the kids came to live with her), clothes and shoes and time off from work, everything that comes with being a real parent.

And her mother and sister have the gall, the nerve, to call T-Bird SELFISH. Yeah. WTF, right? Her sister got mad at her because T-Bird wouldn’t pay her phone bill. Well, how about you exchange that $190 phone bill for that $900 day care bill, bitch?

Her mom and her sister never say a word around me. They wait until after I leave, which doesn’t take long because I can’t tolerate either one and I’d be happy to take one or both out into the parking lot of I’m Holier Than Thou Catholic Church and beat the living shit out of them.

Its as though they, her mother and sister, live to torment T-Bird. They make her life as difficult as possible without a word of thanks. T-Bird didn’t take the boys because she wants praise or accolades, she did it because she loves them. And she would do it again. But DAMN! Leave the poor woman alone!

I looked at her one day, with our four boys whooping like banshees, and said, “You know, it’s sad when you’re the sanest member of your family.” She laughed to keep from crying. Goddess love her heart, and while you’re at it, do something about that family of her’s.


  1. Old Horsetail Snake said,

    Any chance you could move and leave no forwarding address?

  2. Zelda said,

    That’s fucking sad. Your T-Bird stories are always good, but this one is great in the sense that it seems to reveal her. Bless her for her goodness to those kids, and you too.

  3. Mahala said,

    Some people’s families eh?

  4. Ashley said,

    This is a fantastic post. Friends like this (the family kind) are the best. I am glad that you have each other and that T-Bird is as incredible a person as she is. Taking in those kids and providing the stable, loving home that they deserve is worth all the praise in the world and if her sister and Mother cannot see that then thank goodness you (and everyone else) can. I hope that throughout my life I have a friend that I share a bond with as strong as yours and T-Birds.

    If you need some help with that parking lot ass whopping, give me a call.

  5. restless angel said,

    At least those kids have some who care more about them than themselves. And if I’m not there…. throw a couple punches for me, too, huh?

  6. Aimee said,

    I would be tempted to chart an annual budget that I could hand to the sister or mother the next time they have the nerve to call her selfish. Just hand that to them and ask when she (sister) is going to stop being selfish and start paying HER share.

  7. Vince said,

    Has she filed for permanent custody of those boys? That would fix everything, at least to the point that she wouldn’t have to listen to any one else.

    I don’t get how anyone could be that neglectful of their kids. Just goes to show that “Mom and Dad” doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with biology. T-Bird should be cannonized.

  8. Inanna said,

    Hoss, she’s definitely thought about it.

    Zelda, she’s a complex person to write about.

    Mahala, no shit.

    Ashley, families are made, not born. Having a true backup can mean the world.

    RA, I’d be glad to throw a few punches. And, she treats her nephews just like her son, she makes no difference.

    Aimee, finally, she did exactly that. When we finally stopped it was over $10,000 for the year.

    Vince, I told her she needed to go ahead and file… its been a freakin’ year and her sister is no closer than she was before. I think she’s just afraid she’ll lose. As long as it remains in limbo she knows she’ll keep them and they’ll be taken care of.

  9. Seamus said,

    It does seem quite unfair that the very one who takes on the charge of those kids has to take shit for it!!! Too bad there isn’t an “Easy Eject Button”!

  10. Jammie J. said,

    I’ve noticed you’ve started leaning more toward her this past year. I wondered if she’d changed … things were pretty rocky there for a bit. I’m glad she’s getting her life together, like you said, though, it’s gotta be tough to be the sanest one in her family.

  11. se7en said,

    That’s so sad and yet so good all at the same time, good for you two for sticking together through thick and thin and a pox on the tormentors and scum bags!

    Nice post 8)

  12. Charmed said,

    Been there with my own family. Tell her to make it permanent and kick the sister to the curb. It’s better for the kids in the long run.

    I’ll never understand why some “parents” are like that. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for the sake of my kids.

  13. subeeds said,

    Give me 24 hours notice before you take her into the parking lot and I’ll be right there!!! I can’t stand parents who treat their kids that way-and I mean both moms-T-Bird’s mom and her sister. At least the boys are with people that love them and they need to stay there.

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