Not Sure What To Whine About Today

August 16, 2007 at 1:25 am (Alice in Chains, Crazy Shit, Friends, Nate, Relationships)

Sometimes I don’t write because it becomes entirely too depressing to watch the whiney ass letters flow from my fingertips onto the keyboard and actually have the audacity to appear in written form.

Honestly folks, this has been a shitty year and its been the best year of my life. I don’t believe I have lived a year of my life that has been so full of ups and downs. I don’t mean 2007, hell, its not even over. I mean from September 1, 2006, to the impending September 1, 2007.

Who was I to speak of balance? I meant in other things, not in tragedy and happiness. Fuck that noise. Motherfuck! It’s like being on a capsizing raft that never quite capsizes. Good, bad, happy, sad, irritated, exalted, to each extreme, each and every extreme. And not just for me, but my friends too.

Zelda and Jethro, flush with plans and forging on with their ambitions, are facing an incredibly sorrowful time. Same for Sean, or Doc in the Box, for those who know him as such. My friend John, who I just found out has leukemia, facing his own mortality even as a very dear friend of his, a much, much younger friend dies of cancer.

Life, oh yes, life, it sucks sometimes. It sucks ass.

I’m not sure how I feel about my attitude on this subject. I guess its the, “Fuck with me all you want, but don’t fuck with the people I love.” Always forgetting others feel the same way, always forgetting the incredible caliber of friends I have, yet, how could I because they remind me constantly of their grace, strength, and love?

I miss Kevin. Sometimes I want to go lay down on his grave, just to feel closer to him. I love you, asshole.

I miss Juan too. I guess that became more complicated than I had envisioned or maybe it’s just bad communication. Regardless, I suppose reading my blog inspired him to start his own, so visit Juan in all of his glory at Juan’s a bit more straight forward than I am, if that’s at all possible. Don’t say you weren’t warned.

And, of course, there’s always the fine words of encouragement and enlightenment from Nate, without whom I doubt I would have laughed half as much as I have this year.

“Awww, MOOOOOOM! Are you listening to Jerry Cantrell again?”

*Sigh* “Yes, Bubba. I like Jerry Cantrell.”

*Rolls eyes* “You know you can’t marry him, Momma.”

*Laughing* “And why is that?”

“Because he’s probably our cousin!”

*Laughing harder* “Like that’s never happened in our family before!”

Life can be pretty damn good too.


  1. Mahala said,

    Heh.. if it weren’t for the marrying of cousins, my family tree would have come to a screeching halt generations ago.

  2. sage said,

    Came over from Kenju–sorry to hear you had such a bad year, but you last line sums it up, life can also be pretty good sometimes, even when things are going to hell all around you, a graceful experience will cause you to stop and say, wow. Hang in there.

  3. Zelda said,

    To quote the great Al Bundy, “Nothin’ says lovin’ like marrryin’ yer cousin.” ๐Ÿ™‚

    Thank you for your thoughts and condolences, Nanner. They are humbly appreciated.

  4. restless angel said,

    Life’s funny like that. It’s been a yo-yo of some weird variety this way, too. Maybe something is in the air….

  5. Vince said,

    Your kid is a riot! You’re a lucky woman.

    I’m finding as I grow older, more tragedy and sadness is creeping into my life, especially because of that bitch cancer. Too many people I love or admire are gone or will soon be gone due to that nasty disease. And it pisses me off.

    You’re unbelievably strong to come through the last 12 months and still be able to laugh. You have my greatest admiration.

  6. brightonandbear said,

    It has been a year of ups and downs. Nate is adorable btw!!

  7. Moon said,

    I came over from Kenju’s to read your blog…I’m sorry you are going through a difficult time…It has certainly been a tough year for you…but as clichรฉ as it may sound, all this total shit makes a person stronger..and yes, the good parts of life are alot better appreciated when we have been through the bad…
    So what I see as a new reader here, is what a strong woman u are … be able to blog and express yourself and still remain intact and with a sense of humour .It’s awesome and worth admiration….keep your chin up…and know u have strangers sending u possitive thoughts.

  8. Old Horsetail Snake said,

    I’m glad you could end this on a cheery note. I know you’ve had some terrible times in the last year, but some good times too. Keep smiling.

  9. Michael said,

    Two more months til your favorite time of the year… Or the Mothman’s…

  10. Beth said,

    As you said, life sucks sometimes. But it’s important to remember that it sucks only some of the time.

    September 1st is a very special date for me, a date that wouldn’t be so memorable if you hadn’t given me a little nudge. ๐Ÿ™‚

  11. blackpunkin said,

    Mahala, mine too, darlin’, mine too.

    Definitely Sage, you have to look for it sometimes.

    Zelda, I love Al Bundy, but I love you more.

    RA, well it needs to get the hell out of the air!

    Vince, I love that kid more everyday!!!

    Of course he’s adorable, B., he’s mine! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Moon, thanks for coming by, I appreciate your kind words.

    Hoss, I have to keep smiling because you crack me up!

    Mikey, perhaps you and Awesome Girlfriend would care for a personal tour?

    Beth, awwwwwwwwwwww! Wow, I can’t believe it has almost been a year. Fantastic!

  12. Tina said,

    LOL! Nate is such a little charmer. Where DID he get his sarcasm and wit? ๐Ÿ™‚ (((hugs))) girl. You ROCK!

  13. LisaBinDaCity said,

    I guess if there weren’t bad times we wouldn’t appreciate the good times quite as much. Or maybe that’s just horse hockey ๐Ÿ˜‰

  14. Lois Lane said,

    He is so cute and funny!

    You know how the Chinese have the year of the… rat, dog, dragon, etc.? Well maybe they need to name this year “The Year of the Yo-yo” lots of ups and downs. ๐Ÿ™‚ Here’s hoping more ups are coming your way!!

  15. Inanna said,

    Beanie, uh DUH!

    LisaB., horse hockey, total horse hockey.

    Lois, of course, he’s mine! Year of the Yo-Yo, amen to that!

  16. Pand0ra Wilde said,

    It seems to be going around this year, doesn’t it? Let’s hope it breaks soon for us all.

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