Sometimes I don’t write because it becomes entirely too depressing to watch the whiney ass letters flow from my fingertips onto the keyboard and actually have the audacity to appear in written form.
Honestly folks, this has been a shitty year and its been the best year of my life. I don’t believe I have lived a year of my life that has been so full of ups and downs. I don’t mean 2007, hell, its not even over. I mean from September 1, 2006, to the impending September 1, 2007.
Who was I to speak of balance? I meant in other things, not in tragedy and happiness. Fuck that noise. Motherfuck! It’s like being on a capsizing raft that never quite capsizes. Good, bad, happy, sad, irritated, exalted, to each extreme, each and every extreme. And not just for me, but my friends too.
Zelda and Jethro, flush with plans and forging on with their ambitions, are facing an incredibly sorrowful time. Same for Sean, or Doc in the Box, for those who know him as such. My friend John, who I just found out has leukemia, facing his own mortality even as a very dear friend of his, a much, much younger friend dies of cancer.
Life, oh yes, life, it sucks sometimes. It sucks ass.
I’m not sure how I feel about my attitude on this subject. I guess its the, “Fuck with me all you want, but don’t fuck with the people I love.” Always forgetting others feel the same way, always forgetting the incredible caliber of friends I have, yet, how could I because they remind me constantly of their grace, strength, and love?
I miss Kevin. Sometimes I want to go lay down on his grave, just to feel closer to him. I love you, asshole.
I miss Juan too. I guess that became more complicated than I had envisioned or maybe it’s just bad communication. Regardless, I suppose reading my blog inspired him to start his own, so visit Juan in all of his glory at http://sagacioushillbilly.blogspot.com. Juan’s a bit more straight forward than I am, if that’s at all possible. Don’t say you weren’t warned.
And, of course, there’s always the fine words of encouragement and enlightenment from Nate, without whom I doubt I would have laughed half as much as I have this year.
“Awww, MOOOOOOM! Are you listening to Jerry Cantrell again?”
*Sigh* “Yes, Bubba. I like Jerry Cantrell.”
*Rolls eyes* “You know you can’t marry him, Momma.”
*Laughing* “And why is that?”
“Because he’s probably our cousin!”
*Laughing harder* “Like that’s never happened in our family before!”
Life can be pretty damn good too.