A Different Kind of Understanding

August 11, 2007 at 10:07 pm (Alice in Chains, Memories, Music, My Travels)

I’ve been nursing a secret love. A love many of you have been unaware of for many years, even longer than I’ve been blogging, a love that those who know me best, do not know about. Recently, that love has deepened and intensified, leading me to take a complete leap of faith…

By purchasing this ticket…

Qty	Event/Item	Venue:	Delivery
1	Alice In Chains – Acoustic Hour Mon, Oct 1, 2007 07:00 PM	House of Blues New Orleans New Orleans, LA	Will Call *

Without knowing if I can scrape the money together for the plane ticket, etc. etc. but I couldn’t wait because the Austin show already sold out! My secret love is Alice In Chains. Since the fire, I’ve attempted to catalogue the sheer volume of cassettes and CDs I had. Every time I listen to the radio I think, “Damn, I used to have that CD/cassette.” When it came time to try and start my collection again, I actually made the difficult choice not to buy Alice In Chains. Instead, I bought Jerry Cantrell’s solo albums, “Boggy Depot” and “Degradation Trip, Volumes 1 & 2.”

I like to sit

Do nothing at home

I disappear, turn off the phone

I lose myself

Hide from the sun

I make a trip, when I’m out of fun

– Cut You In – Boggy Depot

I love Jerry Cantrell. I loved him with Alice In Chains. I love him more now. He’s an incredible songwriter, in-fucking-credible. I’m trying to find a good way to put this. Jerry makes you feel with every lyric and every note. No, that’s not it. That’s only part of it. Its like he’s Voldemort in a way. He kills a part of his past and put a piece of his pain, his mirth, his sadness, his love, his regret, his addiction, his soul in every song.

Through windows by my bed

Miles away I rest my weary head

Next to you

No coldness in my eye

Cut the skin and take my sorry hide

Cover you

Make love with you

It bleeds upon my back

Strapped with silver tacks

Wish I’d loved you more

and never shut that door

the waves that run the shore

Wash away the stones of pain we bore

I tortured you

I tried to drown my hate

Under an ocean, I still wait…

– Breaks My Back – Boggy Depot

And at times, so fucking honest…

You were voted most likely to have your name go up in lights

Only took a few years to see that through

Now you’re most likely to end up dead alone in a hotel room

31/32

Roust the boy, smack the wife

Might have one… case tonight

Alcoholic breath, thick drool

Repetitive, belligerent and cruel

Can’t get away, no hiding place

The boy hesitates, when grown he’ll make the same mistakes…

Age adult, mother gone

Friends with dad don’t really talk

Wanted to, now you’re a star

Make a living, milking scars

– 31/32 – Degradation Trip, Volume 2

Beautiful, beautiful voice and he’s so not afraid to take his time with a song. And I love it because his voice and mine are in the same vocal range. No screeching.

However, the lyrics aren’t any brighter or more cheerful than Alice In Chains. The music can be dark, melancholy, angry, and hauntingly beautiful and heartbreaking.

Though you’re always on my mind

Found a sickness that was mine

chose a life out on the run

All alone inside this game

Until I’m done

Sometimes I don’t think I can trust myself no more

Seems I’ve failed you all my life

Youthful dreams you’d be my wife

Before I fall into the sun

If there never is again

You were the one

Sometimes I don’t think I can trust myself no more

So I don’t feel I can love you anymore…

On this settling down

Oh I better lay down and rest awhile…

And I say no

– Settling Down – Boggy Depot

And re-reading AIC lyrics and listening to Jerry, makes me really miss my AIC CDs. Actually, I think I had Facelift on cassette. Now, years later, I may just pick up Music Bank, their box set or The Essential Alice in Chains, although I’m really strange in that I like to have all of the different CDs, not just the box set.

It has been a difficult year. While Black Stone Cherry’s music picked me up and carried me, encouraged me, lead me to keep the faith, when I want to disappear and turn off the phone, I listen to Jerry. We have a different kind of understanding.