Ugh, so hot, so humid, so gross! It’s hot everywhere too. No relief. Bah!
I’m off on Wednesday and you had better believe that Nate and I will be heading for the pool. I told him to call his sister and leave her a message that we’ll be at a certain pool. Maybe she’ll show up. He hasn’t seen her since, I believe, the first weekend of May. She has called once since then. Actually, she had a friend call and ask for Nate and when I handed the phone over she got on and asked if he could come to the pool. I said no because I had zero money at the time.
I hate to say it, but she’s going to turn out just like her idiotic mother. Of course, turning out like her drunk father wouldn’t do her much good either. Danlel wants to make decisions like an adult, but like her mother, needs a lot of practice in acting like one.
Jeff is concerned that if we send Nate to Danlel’s Middle School, like we’ve promised him, that she’ll take her spite out on Jeff through Nate. I highly doubt this, yet I’m prepared to deal with it should it happen. Jeff said, “Well, I don’t want any trouble.”
“Well, I pick Nate up from school.”
“So, Danlel will go to the same school.”
“She doesn’t want to see me.”
“So, stay in the truck.”
“‘Well’ nothin’. I don’t bow to the desires of an immature 13 year-old. Again, if she wants to be treated like an adult, she should act like one and learn now that you don’t always get what you want, people don’t always acquiesce to your demands, and walking past people you don’t like is a part of life. I’ll deal with the rest should it occur.”
As long as there isn’t a court order demanding that Jeff stay away from her, they can all kiss my rosy red ass. And if they try to keep Jeff from coming to the school to pick up Nate because of Danlel, I’ll fight them tooth and nail. It sure didn’t bother Danlel’s mom to have Jeff take Danlel to school last year when she needed someone to do it. And it sure as fuck didn’t bother her when Jeff picked Danlel up from school when she needed someone to do it.
I’m not sure what is right or wrong in this situation. I know that I teach Nate that is okay to set boundaries and he has. Jeff has been informed of those boundaries. If he steps over the line, he doesn’t see Nate. When he gets back on the right side of the line, he sees Nate. I’ve always encouraged Nate to talk to his father and for Jeff’s part, he talks to Nate, in an age appropriate manner, about his alcoholism and what he’s doing about it.
I also teach Nate about compassion and forgiveness and I remind him that no one is perfect and we all make mistakes. What’s important is to own up to them, atone for them, learn from them, and don’t do it again. If we’re lucky, we’ll learn from others’ mistakes and sidestep having to make the mistake our self. *Ha!*
There are numerous rhetorical questions that could asked in this situation.
Is it appropriate for a 13 year old to demand perfection from a parent?
Is it appropriate to openly discuss alcoholism with an 11 year old?
Is it healthy for one parent to encourage a total moratorium on communication with the other parent instead of discussing the situation and establishing boundaries?
What relationship skills are we all teaching our children?
What conflict resolution skills are we all teaching our children?
Think back as to how your parents resolved conflict and disagreements. My mom screamed a lot and my dad only yelled back when she really pissed him off, otherwise, he was silent. How did I resolve conflict in my early relationships? Just take a wild guess. I had to learn how to resolve conflict in a positive way, it certainly wasn’t engrained in me at an early age. I think as parents we totally forget that we’re our children’s number one role model. Which, at times, is a fairly frightening thought.
T-Bird has always said, “Kids learn what they live, and live what they learn.” Sometimes, we could all use a reminder of that.