A Lot To Write About, But Nothing To Say

August 6, 2007 at 1:01 am (Empathy, Friends, T-Bird, Work)

Have you ever had a lot to write about, a lot of things going on, but nothing really to say about it? I guess that’s where I am and it’s time to break the silence.

I broke my first dishes the other day. A teapot and a bread and butter plate, one after the other. Business has been brisk and I’m happy for that. However, I’m still growing accustomed to working six straight or this week, eight straight, as we had training today, our normal day off, and then I have catering on Thursday until late in the evening and then have to open lunch on Friday. I really love it though. It keeps me on my toes.

Have you ever made someone’s fantasy come true? I did. As you all know, I can be fairly wicked when provoked or enticed or simply kissed in the right spot. Yet, it was my ex, Lex, who pointed out that the best way to get in my pants was to talk to me with intelligence because smart guys turn me on and my friend is very intelligent, in many ways.

However, since that time I’ve missed him a great deal. For one reason or another, we’ve gone from speaking practically every week night to a short series of brief e-mails, and an even longer silence thanks to the country phone company. Obviously someone cut the line between tin cans out where he lives and traipsing to the top of the mountain for cell signal, like he did the day he left the message from his cell phone, isn’t advisable during mosquito and rattlesnake season.

I miss him. I guess I hadn’t realized how starved I was for more adult conversation. Not that I don’t have adult conversation, but deep adult conversation. Right now I’m stuck with T-Bird talking about J3 and football training.

“They’re teaching the boys to block with their forearms. You know they’re not allowed to grab each other or anything. I’m not sure if that’s just in his age group or not.”

“Hon, that goes all the way to the NFL. It’s called ‘holding’.” T-Bird doesn’t really know a lot about football and I grew up on the football field so listening to her learn about the game is tedious and, of course, J3 is this… and that… and he’s this strong and this much bigger than this other kid. I have found that her representations of his abilities are at times, overstated. Okay, most of the time they’re grossly overstated. I mean, he’s 7.

Anyway, back to my friend. I have found it difficult to be cut off from him, especially after having to leave him with a definitive shell-shocked look on his face, and worse, the feeling from him of “Wow, I really wanted that. I’ve fantasized about that but now I’m not so sure I should have taken that, I’m not so sure I should have done that, and I’m not sure how I feel about it.” That’s what has bothered me the most. The immediate withdrawal, the uncertainty, the doubt, the reclusiveness. A real taste of my own medicine from one over-thinking, overly analytical person to another.

I’ve dodged admitting that’s what I felt from him because I didn’t want it to be that way. When I sit on my porch in the dark, listening to the sounds of the night, watching the train go by, I reach out to him and see his eyes looking back at me, but I still sense the uncertainty and I am reminded that there are some things I wish I never knew.

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5 Comments

  1. Seamus said,

    “…bread and butter plate, one after the other…” Who were you throwing them at??? 😉

  2. kenju said,

    I am going to try and make lunch there on Friday – so see you then – I hope.

  3. Boo said,

    There are a ton of things I wish I had never known and I’m sure there are alot of things I wish I did know. Such is the life of a lonely horny single parent.

  4. Vince said,

    (sigh) What is it with you and men? Given all that I know about you, I’d have thought you’d have any easy time finding tons of men. Hell, if I was single I’d be down there in a heartbeat.

    Glad the job is going well. Work can be very satisfying when you like what you’re doing.

  5. blackpunkin said,

    Oh, no one Seamus, just being a clumsy oaf.

    Kenju, I’ll be there!

    Boo, no shit girlfriend.

    Vince, Hell it’s easy to find them, the question is, do I want them and can I keep them?

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