Thank you for all your kind advice on my situation. I guess that’s why I blog, why I write, why I’ve always written. I’ll look back someday and say, “Wow, I really felt that way? I’ve come a long way.”
So, let’s see where I was a year ago… Jeff was drunk and belligerent, I was making new jewelry, and I was using the word “fuck” excessively.
Hell, nothing has changed a damn bit!!! Except, my house is clean. That has changed. Working at the restaurant spills over into my off time and I did a great deal of cleaning this evening. Ran the dishwasher and the washer and dryer a lot.
Jeff obviously fell off of the AA wagon today. He only gets belligerent, ignorant, and ranting when he drinks white liquor. I hung up on him once and told him ‘BYE’ fairly loudly the second time around. This all supposedly started when I didn’t feed Nate breakfast this morning.
I’m sorry, Nate is 11 years old and more than capable of saying, “Mom, I’m hungry” or “Mom, I’m not hungry.” Nate doesn’t like to eat first thing in the morning, and frankly, when I don’t have to be at family meal until 10:45, I, unlike Jeff, don’t get up at the butt ass crack of dawn. I hate mornings. I’ve told Jeff this, and trust me, I’m trying very hard not to call him “Dickweed.”
He thought he was going to call me and bring up old issues, like, six year old issues and call me a fucking bitch and a cunt and this and a that and I just hung up on him. I don’t have to take that abuse nor do I have to defend myself or the decisions I made six years ago, because he continues to reinforce the reasons why I took the action that I did. Then he started bitching about money. That somehow I owed him money because he takes care of Nate more than I do.
Every time he brings this up, I encourage him to file paperwork with the Court to reduce his child support. I offered to let him turn in the over $900 worth of receipts to his insurance company for Nate’s medication. Oh, then it becomes about RESPECT. I should RESPECT him and not EXPECT him to feed Nate breakfast and interrupt HIS day even if Nate isn’t hungry at the time. I’ll be happy to force feed my child first thing in the morning and he can take the 221 dollars and 80 fucking cents a month I get in child support and shove them sideways up his ass. In coin dollars and pennies.
Let’s do the math… meds = $153 per month (after insurance cost is around $31… IF they’ll pay), school is starting so he’ll need new clothes = $100 – $120 just to get him started, $20-$40 school supplies, $30 a month for the school lunch bill, food at home, which he eats a startling amount of these days = $100, the roof over his beautiful little head, split equally with me = $194.50, half the utilities for baths, showers, drinking water, washing his clothes, drying his clothes, cable, blah, blah, blah = $92. Take all that, plus his medical bills, which right now, after insurance, exceed $3000, minus out the rent and mortgage that Jeff doesn’t pay, the showers and baths that Nate doesn’t take there, the clothes that Jeff doesn’t wash, except every other weekend, yada yada yada, and the fact that other than these few summer months, Nate stays with me almost full-time… I don’t think I owe him a fucking dime. Or even a penny shoved up his ass sideways.
See, justify again. I hate that.
But anyway, really, it’s almost 2 o’clock in the morning and I’ve had two Kaluha’s and creams and I’m still wide fucking awake. Think I’ll go smoke, see if I can’t get a little shut eye, and wake up to a brand new day.