August 1, 2007 at 1:58 am (Attitude in Overdrive, Crazy Shit, Nate)

Thank you for all your kind advice on my situation. I guess that’s why I blog, why I write, why I’ve always written. I’ll look back someday and say, “Wow, I really felt that way? I’ve come a long way.”

So, let’s see where I was a year ago… Jeff was drunk and belligerent, I was making new jewelry, and I was using the word “fuck” excessively.

Hell, nothing has changed a damn bit!!! Except, my house is clean. That has changed. Working at the restaurant spills over into my off time and I did a great deal of cleaning this evening. Ran the dishwasher and the washer and dryer a lot.

Jeff obviously fell off of the AA wagon today. He only gets belligerent, ignorant, and ranting when he drinks white liquor. I hung up on him once and told him ‘BYE’ fairly loudly the second time around. This all supposedly started when I didn’t feed Nate breakfast this morning.

I’m sorry, Nate is 11 years old and more than capable of saying, “Mom, I’m hungry” or “Mom, I’m not hungry.” Nate doesn’t like to eat first thing in the morning, and frankly, when I don’t have to be at family meal until 10:45, I, unlike Jeff, don’t get up at the butt ass crack of dawn. I hate mornings. I’ve told Jeff this, and trust me, I’m trying very hard not to call him “Dickweed.”

He thought he was going to call me and bring up old issues, like, six year old issues and call me a fucking bitch and a cunt and this and a that and I just hung up on him. I don’t have to take that abuse nor do I have to defend myself or the decisions I made six years ago, because he continues to reinforce the reasons why I took the action that I did. Then he started bitching about money. That somehow I owed him money because he takes care of Nate more than I do.

Every time he brings this up, I encourage him to file paperwork with the Court to reduce his child support. I offered to let him turn in the over $900 worth of receipts to his insurance company for Nate’s medication. Oh, then it becomes about RESPECT. I should RESPECT him and not EXPECT him to feed Nate breakfast and interrupt HIS day even if Nate isn’t hungry at the time. I’ll be happy to force feed my child first thing in the morning and he can take the 221 dollars and 80 fucking cents a month I get in child support and shove them sideways up his ass. In coin dollars and pennies.

Let’s do the math… meds = $153 per month (after insurance cost is around $31… IF they’ll pay), school is starting so he’ll need new clothes = $100 – $120 just to get him started, $20-$40 school supplies, $30 a month for the school lunch bill, food at home, which he eats a startling amount of these days = $100, the roof over his beautiful little head, split equally with me = $194.50, half the utilities for baths, showers, drinking water, washing his clothes, drying his clothes, cable, blah, blah, blah = $92. Take all that, plus his medical bills, which right now, after insurance, exceed $3000, minus out the rent and mortgage that Jeff doesn’t pay, the showers and baths that Nate doesn’t take there, the clothes that Jeff doesn’t wash, except every other weekend, yada yada yada, and the fact that other than these few summer months, Nate stays with me almost full-time… I don’t think I owe him a fucking dime. Or even a penny shoved up his ass sideways.

See, justify again. I hate that.

But anyway, really, it’s almost 2 o’clock in the morning and I’ve had two Kaluha’s and creams and I’m still wide fucking awake. Think I’ll go smoke, see if I can’t get a little shut eye, and wake up to a brand new day.


  1. Mahala said,

    Hang in there girl πŸ™‚

  2. Vince said,

    As you said, you got nothing to justify yourself for. And what’s the big damn deal about feeding your kid breakfast? I feed my kids breakfast every morning and they bug the piss out of me every day (I too am not a morning person). But I don’t complain about it.

    Some opinions and statements should be ignored. Which means 99% of what comes out of Jeff’s mouth.

  3. kenju said,

    Yeah, ignore him. It’s his issue, and you shouldn’t have to deal with it.

    I don’t know what’s worse; having an ex like him or one like my daughter’s, who moved 4000 miles away and never calls (except to complain about having to carry medical insurance for the 4 kids).

  4. LisaBinDaCity said,

    It will get better.. cause it has to!

    And Jeff is a jerk. News flash I’m sure πŸ˜‰

  5. Foundme said,

    I have some advice when it comes to drunks: Don’t try to reason with them. Sadly, I know you know that one already.

    I have some advice when it comes to jerk dads: Can’t reason with them. Children, slightly mentally retarded children at that!

    Save yourself some energy because you will NEVER get through to the man. It will only happen when HE decides to accept the way it is. Having gone through this with TWO men over TWO kids, I am an expert.

    It took me two years to forgive Phil for only paying 39$ a month and not seeing his kid EVER. When he DID come back after 7 years, we had a lot to work out. If he was a drunk like your baby daddy is, I’m afraid he’d be spending a lot less time with his dad, and I’d be changing my number a lot more often. And that cop you dated, I’d be his best friend.

    Nate(my second baby daddy) is the one who reminds me more of Jeff. He’s not a drunk, but he is immature and occasionally goes on and on about how unfair his life is, and I am, and the law is, and on and on. It seems nobody wants to help poor Nate out by giving him a free pass. I learned long ago to stop getting AS upset. I still get a bit miffed when I get an email(the ONLY form of communication anymore) crying poor me. But it doesn’t stick with me long enough to even write a post most times, anymore!

    Your proximity to your problem is frustrating, so I know it’s not as easy. But I’m witcha girl!

  6. Inanna said,

    Hangin’ 10 Mahala!

    Vince, I know… just one more thing for him.

    Kenju, I know… what is that they don’t get about having to provide for their children????

    LisaB. – thanks for the reminder… πŸ™‚

    Foundme – Oh girl, you are singin’ my song. I was upset until I realized he was drinking again, then it just rolled off my back… more irritating and annoying than anything.

  7. cybele said,

    Right, you just can’t even bother listening to him when he’s drinking. Put something good on the telly and say “uh-hum” every so often. Neither of you will remember the conversation later, and you won’t have bothered to get pissed off.

    And you know he’s just making shit up anyway to try to get a rise out of you.

    Things are different here in Peachville lately, though: we hear about Jeff’s asshattery significantly less often, about your creative projects significantly more. You’re posting more about Nate’s funny happenings and triumphs than his run-ins with his school or teachers. We see lots more pictures. You’re getting out more often. And we hear about that idiot AZ hardly at all. You post about a job that permits you to meet and chat with hungry people and feed them, and that feeds you (this is non-trivial, don’t we know) instead of posting about doing stupid things for people you hate.

    And your house is clean.

    Go, you!

  8. restless angel said,

    Kinda sounds like my bro’s dad with lottery tickets… guess where all his cash goes? He’s just an ass anyway, he doesn’t need alchohol to be verbally abusive.

    I can’t eat before 7:30/8 in the morning.. if I have to work an early morning, it sucks because I’m lucky to choke down a piece of bread before I leave the house.

  9. Old Horsetail Snake said,

    I sincerely hope he is not threatening you. If he is (or does) get the old restraining order as first line of defense.

    My ex-wife’s husband was a lot like that. Then he retired with about a million five.

  10. Julie said,

    Some people never grow up, never understand that they are responsible for their own actions, never understand that if you helped bring a child into this world (which he did the second his sperm made contact with your egg) they’re your responsibility…and alcohol exacerbates it. Jeff is one of those people. And those people are the reason the gods made answering machines and caller ids, so we weouldn’t have to talk to them.

  11. AJ said,

    Despite the same ol, same ol’ you claim to be stuck in, I see a lot more depth and stability in you and in the your taking charge of your life than I did a year ago.

    Hang in there Miz PeachyKeen. You’re a good Mom, and an even better person. Nobody is gonna take that from you.

    But if you don’t lay off the cigs I’m gonna come kick your butt! πŸ˜‰

  12. Inanna said,

    cybele, you made me laugh when you said “this is non-trivial, don’t we know” because I had just seen an episode of Hannah Montana where one of the characters had a pronounced Minnesota accent and went around saying, “Dontcha know?” I guess you had to be there.

    In general, I do feel as though I’m taking a tougher and less personal approach to Jeff and his problem and making it less mine and more his.

    RA, everyone has a vice and then some folks are just nasty.

    Hoss, threatening me would do him little to no good. He knows better than to mess with me physically.

    Julez, I didn’t answer the phone either time… it was Nate. Sometimes I think he’ll grow and mature, then again… maybe not.

    AH! Who is that masked blogger….? Is it? AJ? Well, Holy Hera it is. Hey buddy!!! I’m hanging in and I dare ya to come on up here and kick my butt!

  13. Seamus said,

    Truth is, sweet pea, Jeff probably won’t change in this lifetime unless he really wants to – my guess is that he isn’t motivated enough to fix his fucked up life. I suppose your job is to find a way work around that – sux I know. I had a similar situation with my ex, ‘cept she was the fuck up. I was eternally grateful when the girls reached the age of 18 and I could send the money directly to them (they were in college anyway). Divorces are complex at best.
    Just remember that you ARE a good mom and parent – that is what Nate will live with with and will know in his core. *HUGS*

  14. Beth said,

    I’m glad you can use your blog for therapy, shows us you can trust us, and we get to show you how much we care.

    I’ve said it before, Nate’s a lucky child to have you for a Mom.

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