Ever Dance With the Devil. . .

June 27, 2007 at 7:01 pm (Beading, Relationships, Work, Writing)

in the pale moonlight?

Why does everything have to hit at once? Why must I be pulled several different ways at once? I guess I work better that way. Maybe.

I’m in the middle of an unscheduled week off. Yeah, the shop is slow this week so… I get to take the week off – without pay. Not exactly what my bank account needed or didn’t need, which ever.

However, it has spurred me to stop sitting around on my ass and start doing something worth crowing about. Like, writing and beading and bugging my other boss for a full-time gig, something with air conditioning and a future.

The writing thing has been both fulfilling and irritating. Irritating because I had made a lot of changes to my novella which were then saved to disk which then burned in the fire and was not saved on the CD that I received from my old job. That was disheartening. Enough so that I’ve once again shelved that particular novella and started writing something fresh and new. No patience.

Beading, also starting something fresh and new and its about time. I’ve made exactly one pair of earrings since January 28th. Kinda scary.

Relationships are no better. I have a date on Friday, did I tell you that? Yeah, I told you that. I like him so far. We spoke again today. He doesn’t bore me, this is good. What isn’t good is that someone else kissed me this week. I mean, the kiss was good. Unexpected but still good and I liked it. He kissed me with Nate here which was a fantastic safety net for him because he’s a chickenshit.

I’d probably be a chickenshit around me too. Can’t say I much blame him. I have this horrible habit of taking what I want and another horrible habit of not saying no. I push every limit. I know this and one would think with the knowledge that I am like this that I would make more of an effort to control it. I am disinclined to do so.

Those who know me and know me well, know this isn’t always the case and I am capable of honor and of saying no.  I didn’t say I liked it, I said I was capable of it. 

I am very aware though that a kiss is just that, a kiss. Nothing more, nothing less. Driving around my block a couple of times late at night when he thinks I can’t see him, well, some may see that as stalking, but its only stalking if you don’t take some evil pleasure from the fact he’s thinking about you, even if he is too chickenshit to do anything about it because he knows I would.

And the games continue…