Hellacious Days

April 19, 2007 at 1:47 am (Beading, Crazy Shit, Nate, The House)

We have seen some dark days in our time.  As a parent, I worry about sending my son to school. Grade school, middle school, high school, college. I figure if it can happen to the Amish, it can happen to anyone. If it can happen 300 miles from my home, it can happen 3 miles from my home.  There is no escape from this crazy fucking world.

 I also contemplate the attack on the American (gun) culture.  Funny, we have such a bad reputation yet people are dying to get inside our borders. What? To kill each other with easily accessible handguns? To seek education and fortune?  To escape terrorist regimes, famine, and genocide, where only the bad guys have guns? Which is it?  The land of opportunity or the land of opportunity to be killed with a gun?

Hey, no one ever said we were perfect. With the sweet, comes the sour. And the sour is some sullen stalker who took 32 lives from this Earth and left others to mourn them and the rest of us to wonder, what would we have done?

Yes, I’m just full of bright, cheery things to say.

Hey! Ho! I almost slit my wrists over the weekend but didn’t really want to bleed out all over my new floors. What a mess that would have been. I must say though, it is interesting to step outside of yourself and wonder, really wonder, what it would be like if you were gone. I wouldn’t recommend it.

 Then the following day I sliced my finger open shaving down a wand. It hurt like hell and needed 3 or 4 stitches, which I didn’t get. Again, I must say, given how bad that bitch hurt, it seriously deterred me from that whole wrist slitting jobby. Besides, how boring. I’m much more creative than that and by the time I figure out the most creative way to knock myself off someone else would have already thought of it, or in the meantime I’ll drag myself out of this highly temporary slice of shit I’ve ever been in.

Did I tell you about the new guy they have working at my house?  Oh, well, he gives me the FUCKING CREEPS, okay?  I don’t like him. He tried to railroad me on my heating and cooling and he gives me the creeps. He also gives my neighbor the creeps, especially when he spends more time staring out the window at her babelicious daughter than working on my house.  You know what happens when I don’t like people? When I don’t like people like that in MY SPACE?  I get rather emotional and I ponder and I worry and I fret and I frown  a lot. Oh, and I grind my teeth.

So, I says to my Momma, that I can’t wait for that creepy guy to be out of my house and I never, ever see him again and I don’t like him because there’s something just not right about him and did I mention I can’t wait until he’s out of my house?  Well, as of Tuesday, if the Lord’s willin’ and the creeks STOP RISING, he’s out. He had a little accident with the saw. No, he didn’t bleed out on the floors either but it might have broken his hand the way it got tangled or something.

I was relating this to T-Bird as I strode down the street after having reamed my contracting company a new asshole for neglecting me and I told her, “You know, I didn’t mean for him to get hurt, I just wanted him out.” And she knew what I meant, because people that I don’t like or who wrong me, have the really bad luck of something happening to them which can be quite heinous and I keep wondering if there is a spirit that does my evil bidding for me, even if I don’t ask it to.

Like Ron, he pissed me off and I was quite upset with him, in addition to all the bullshit about my house repairs moving along slower than MO-LASS-US, and well, his rental property flooded after the recent rains. And although, logically, I know that natural disasters are just that, natural disasters, and if someone is dumb enough to catch their sleeve or glove up in a saw, well, that’s just carelessness… but deep down, it makes me wonder.

 I have been beading though.  And I would post pictures, but of course WordPress is having some kind of SERVER MAINTENANCE. A pox on ye!

Nate was writing about the fire and he looked at me and said, “You know, writing is a good way to get your feelings out, Mom.”  Uh. Duh.  I told him that I knew that, which why I write all the time and he made the astute observation that I indeed, have not been writing lately. 

And with that, I will bid you a good day from my little slice of Nirvana.


  1. cybele said,

    “You know, Mom, YOU haven’t been writing anything lately.” Uh. Duh. Double Duh.

    Your kid is frighteningly funny.

    Wrist-slitting? And you didn’t call me? What’s wrong with you, woman?

    And I think the WCAGA (WhatComesAroundGoesAround) factor is particularly strong wherever you stand. Come stand by me awhile, willya?

  2. restless angel said,

    Worked retail for ten years now, and have only stepped away from one person, at my first job. To this day, I don’t know why, but I just… did.

  3. Vince said,

    Thanks for the reminder not to piss you off. Not that I’d forgotten, but it’s good to know.

    I’ve been thinking about you, hoping you’re ok. Sounds like you’re doing not bad. I’ve been wanting to call you, but I keep getting drowned in home life or absorbed in self-pity and getting too tired to call. Not an excuse, I know.

    That whole shooting thing is quite sad, and no good will come from it. But I will say that the media coverage of it is already making me insane. I know it’s tragic and all, but do we need 24/7 coverage and only talk about that for a week?

  4. Doug said,

    Hey there.

    Wonderin’ where ya been. How’s the Shirt factory going? Are you working on your “Print Pulling Project?” Yeah, maybe you shold whack the creepy dude in the head with your new stick you carved out…. just be careful not to break it, mIght bring down some bad mojo on him.

    My brother offed himself when I was 12…. that sucked for everyone who loved him. espiecially my Mom… anyhow. I hope that’s not really an option for you… we’re all gonna be outta here soon enough, no need to rush it.

    Be good to yourself. Positive thoughts your way! I’m off to the mountains on the harley.

    later gater.

  5. Julie said,

    That boy of yours, he’s a smart one. Hope things improve for you – they’ve got to at some point, right? *hugs*

  6. Inanna said,

    Um, Cybele, would that be so other’s get what’s coming to them or you get what’s coming to you? In a good way, of course. The calling thing, well, I guess I like looking over the edge sometimes… I live on it enough, might as well look over on occasion, just so long as I don’t fall off.

    RA, one should always follow their gut feelings.

    Vince, pissing me off is one thing, actually hurting me is another. Piss me off, but don’t hurt me and don’t give me the creeps. Don’t worry about not calling dear… we all have our burdens to bear and work through.

    Doug, I live, therefore I am. I’m sorry about your brother. I can understand despair and sometimes it really does get overwhelming. The shop is the shop and I haven’t been working out… yet.

    Julie, he is a smart one, gets it from his Momma!

  7. boo said,

    hugs…that is all

  8. blackpunkin said,

    Hugs back atcha Boo.

  9. Jammie J. said,

    Yeah, I’ve been to the edge of contemplating the best way to take myself out. It sucks that we’re such perfectionists about things, eh? Because dying at your own hand is not a tidy thing to do. And I really don’t want to take pills because then everyone would be thinking I’d been a druggie. Which of course I’m not. (sigh) So here I still am, three years or so since I contemplated that scenario.

    Hang on to the hope, it’ll be worth it in the end.

    Oh and STOP GRINDING YOUR TEETH!!! You’re just gonna give yourself a headache.


  10. Vince said,

    I would never hurt a friend. Not that I haven’t pissed off a few from time to time….

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