We have seen some dark days in our time. As a parent, I worry about sending my son to school. Grade school, middle school, high school, college. I figure if it can happen to the Amish, it can happen to anyone. If it can happen 300 miles from my home, it can happen 3 miles from my home. There is no escape from this crazy fucking world.
I also contemplate the attack on the American (gun) culture. Funny, we have such a bad reputation yet people are dying to get inside our borders. What? To kill each other with easily accessible handguns? To seek education and fortune? To escape terrorist regimes, famine, and genocide, where only the bad guys have guns? Which is it? The land of opportunity or the land of opportunity to be killed with a gun?
Hey, no one ever said we were perfect. With the sweet, comes the sour. And the sour is some sullen stalker who took 32 lives from this Earth and left others to mourn them and the rest of us to wonder, what would we have done?
Yes, I’m just full of bright, cheery things to say.
Hey! Ho! I almost slit my wrists over the weekend but didn’t really want to bleed out all over my new floors. What a mess that would have been. I must say though, it is interesting to step outside of yourself and wonder, really wonder, what it would be like if you were gone. I wouldn’t recommend it.
Then the following day I sliced my finger open shaving down a wand. It hurt like hell and needed 3 or 4 stitches, which I didn’t get. Again, I must say, given how bad that bitch hurt, it seriously deterred me from that whole wrist slitting jobby. Besides, how boring. I’m much more creative than that and by the time I figure out the most creative way to knock myself off someone else would have already thought of it, or in the meantime I’ll drag myself out of this highly temporary slice of shit I’ve ever been in.
Did I tell you about the new guy they have working at my house? Oh, well, he gives me the FUCKING CREEPS, okay? I don’t like him. He tried to railroad me on my heating and cooling and he gives me the creeps. He also gives my neighbor the creeps, especially when he spends more time staring out the window at her babelicious daughter than working on my house. You know what happens when I don’t like people? When I don’t like people like that in MY SPACE? I get rather emotional and I ponder and I worry and I fret and I frown a lot. Oh, and I grind my teeth.
So, I says to my Momma, that I can’t wait for that creepy guy to be out of my house and I never, ever see him again and I don’t like him because there’s something just not right about him and did I mention I can’t wait until he’s out of my house? Well, as of Tuesday, if the Lord’s willin’ and the creeks STOP RISING, he’s out. He had a little accident with the saw. No, he didn’t bleed out on the floors either but it might have broken his hand the way it got tangled or something.
I was relating this to T-Bird as I strode down the street after having reamed my contracting company a new asshole for neglecting me and I told her, “You know, I didn’t mean for him to get hurt, I just wanted him out.” And she knew what I meant, because people that I don’t like or who wrong me, have the really bad luck of something happening to them which can be quite heinous and I keep wondering if there is a spirit that does my evil bidding for me, even if I don’t ask it to.
Like Ron, he pissed me off and I was quite upset with him, in addition to all the bullshit about my house repairs moving along slower than MO-LASS-US, and well, his rental property flooded after the recent rains. And although, logically, I know that natural disasters are just that, natural disasters, and if someone is dumb enough to catch their sleeve or glove up in a saw, well, that’s just carelessness… but deep down, it makes me wonder.
I have been beading though. And I would post pictures, but of course WordPress is having some kind of SERVER MAINTENANCE. A pox on ye!
Nate was writing about the fire and he looked at me and said, “You know, writing is a good way to get your feelings out, Mom.” Uh. Duh. I told him that I knew that, which why I write all the time and he made the astute observation that I indeed, have not been writing lately.
And with that, I will bid you a good day from my little slice of Nirvana.