The Peach Is Cracking

February 28, 2007 at 5:26 pm (Attitude in Overdrive, Family, Nate, The House)

I go to bed and wonder how much closer I’m going to be to bankruptcy by the time this is over and I wake up wondering the same thing.

 

I go to bed wondering how much time I’ll spend in jail after I stick a rake up the building inspector’s ass and break it off and I wake up wondering the same thing.

 

I go to bed wondering how much fight I have left in me and I wake up wondering the same thing.

 

I go to bed hoping to sleep peacefully and wake up feeling as though I haven’t.

 

I go to bed wondering where my computer is and wake up wondering the same thing.

 

I go to bed wondering if our new cat, Macy, is ever going to like us and I wake up wondering the same thing.

 

I have bad dreams that I can’t remember, I just know they’re bad because I wake up fighting and my heart racing.

 

When Nate asks when we’re going home, I cry because I can’t answer.

 

When Nate asks when things will be right again, I cry because I can’t answer.

 

I cry because I don’t know if they’ll ever be “right” again. I don’t even know what “right” is anymore. I just know the way things used to be and I know the way things are now, but I still have no idea if either is right or wrong or just is.

 

I think I need a big ole John Fred hug.

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14 Comments

  1. restless angel said,

    *hugehugehuge hugs*

    I wish there was something I could say…..

  2. Liz said,

    I can’t say that I understand the despair you are feeling or know what it is like to lose your home and your belongings, and basically have to start over, with child in tow I might add. But just know that your online friends are thinking of you and praying for you. You will get through this, you are a strong strong lady. We are here for you, just let us know what we can do.

    HUGS!!

  3. boo said,

    Oh Nanner, I can’t bear to know you are hurting so bad. Huge hugs and good juju coming your way.

  4. KtP said,

    I just came here to check on you…wish things were better. Holler if I can help, k?

  5. Ashley said,

    *HUG!!!!*

    I am so sorry that you’re hurting as badly as you are. You’re constantly in my thoughts and I wish there was more that I could do. Just know that I am thinking about you and that so many people care about you.

    If you need anything at all, let me know.

  6. Charmed said,

    I love ya darlin’. You and Nate are in my prayers.

  7. cybele said,

    Ah, sweetheart. Try to remember that however things are now, they will be different soon enough. Macy will come around. Hold Nate and tell him that home is where he is. Call me anytime you want to.

    I’ll go to bed wondering who John Fred is. I’ll wake up wondering the same thing.

  8. geewits said,

    Inanna,
    You are suffering from post-traumatic stress syndrome. It’s something you can’t see until after the fact. Please see your doctor about this. It’s very debilitating – I KNOW. Also make a list (if just in your mind) of all the ways you have shown strength through this terrible ordeal and be proud of yourself. I wish you the best. On the lighter side, as you are trying to go to sleep, think about meerkats. It’s very relaxing.

  9. Kent said,

    Hey there,

    You know you can come see me for a hug anytime! Maybe even french toast. You just have to catch me when I’m not working a 14 hour day! 😉

    Give me a shout if you need anything.

  10. Zelda said,

    An invitation is alway open in Houston. It will give me a good reason (besides health and happiness) to clean my house. 🙂

    You will get through this. And good things will come.

  11. Vince said,

    Let me know what you need and I’ll find a way to get it to you. Wish I could be there to give you a hug in person, but the cyberhug will have to do for now.

  12. Jammie J said,

    Aww honey. You will get through this. You are a strong person. Just know that right now you’re in transition and the “right” thing is that nothing makes sense right now. I don’t know if you want to or maybe you already are, but maybe there’s something your doctor can recommend to take the edge off.

    Come here. I think you just need to be held. xoxo You know I’m a phone call away.

  13. 3sth3r said,

    sending lots of tight hugs your way. You’ll get through this.

  14. Tina said,

    Hang in there, hun! I know there really isn’t anything to say that will make it easier but you are strong and you and Nate will get through it. Things will only get better! Love ya, girl!

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