Tired of the cold… brrrrrrrr… way too cold for this time of year. We officially had the last day of Fall on Oct. 14th. I think that’s the last time it felt reasonably warm.
Tomorrow is Nate’s Halloween party at school. Let’s all say “YAY” since “The Mouth” is HOMEROOM DAD and guess who gets to help him? That would be me. Speak of the devil, he just called.
My little furry bat friend is still hanging out in the alcove. I think I’ll name him Wilbur.
A gypsy woman told my fortune
Said I’d be rich someday
She said I’d be king and ruler
In a land of misery and pain
I’m tired of the rain that’s fallin’
Fallin’ down on me
Please help me find some shelter
From the pain that’s pourin’ on me
I once met a blind man who asked me
To see things he could see
He spoke of a land called forever
Where you don’t need eyes to see
You know I been climbin’ this mountain
But it’s too rocky and steep
When I get over this mountain
You know I’ll be set free
I could talk about the gypsy woman and telling fortunes; I could talk about seeking shelter; I could talk about pain; I could talk about the spiritual experience of climbing the mountain, of spinning and spinning in Autumn winds, of raising my hands in the air and being free, but…
This is Nate’s favorite song.
One night when things were bad with his father, he and I were sitting in the car, it’s raining outside, and I had just hung up the cell phone from another round of … drunken howling. I know Nate could hear a lot of what was said, regardless of how much I try to shield him from reality. Hinder was playing and without saying anything, Nate ejects the CD, puts it in its case, and puts BSC in. He hits the “up” button to # 11. As the song started, he said, “This is us.”
Tonight, I asked him why it was his favorite song.
He said, “I have all of this pain falling on me, pouring on me. It’s emotional and physical and commandical (note: that is a Nateism, meaning, being told what to do).”
“Where does the pain come from?”
“Well, emotionally, it’s you and Daddy, physically, it’s Daddy, commandically, it’s both of you.”
“Do I cause you emotional pain, Nate?”
“Mainly that would be Daddy. I just don’t like it when you’re mad at me.” (Fair enough, since I can hurt his feelings by saying he needs to study harder for his next Science test because he didn’t do so well on the last one. I wasn’t even mad.)
“So, does the song make you feel better when you listen to it?”
“Yeah, it does. I feel like someone understands how I feel. Now, Momma, why do you want to know?”
Because I like knowing what’s going on behind those blue eyes. Because I’m constantly stuck between taking you and running away and facing this life down. Because I want to make sure you know you can talk to me and be honest. Because I’m afraid for you. Because you’re so sensitive to things other people ignore. Because I don’t want to hurt you. Because I want to protect you.
“Because I love you.”
So, from the mind and the mouth of a 10 year old…