Weekend Addendum

September 17, 2006 at 11:16 am (AZ)

I felt a recap of my weekend would not be complete without giving an update of the situation with AZ.

Well, remember when I wrote something to the affect that he’s contemplating marriage again and it being to someone else is not acceptable. I would like to rescind that, effective Friday at 5 p.m.

Life is not a movie. Big moments in time are actually rare. Drama does not play itself out in knockdown, drag out fights. Most of the time, it just wears away at you. And he wore me to the bone on Friday. In the big scheme of things, it was a blip on the radar screen. But, it was the straw that broke the camel’s back, and I was the camel.

Like I said, it wasn’t a dramatic moment, full of barbed words and hateful glances, but just the continuum of bullshit and misery that I can’t handle anymore. I did get my “wish” because my wish was to know, once and for all, whether or not he and I would ever be together as more than friends. That answer is no. It hurt at first and I spent a period of time bawling my eyes out at my computer. Then I fell asleep and the sun came up Saturday morning and I felt free, liberated, because I know I never have to wonder again. He’s not going to squat like a toad in my new relationships.

The next man I love, is going to have all of me. No more dark clouds following me around. I want to be with someone who has the ability to be happy and laugh. I want to be with someone who understands that life shits on you sometimes, but that doesn’t mean you start slinging it around.

Vince said something in an e-mail that made me think. Life can be miserable. Relationships are easier when life is grand but you had better pick the person that will stick with you through the misery.

My spirits are peaceful, not chattering, but standing back with knowing looks on their faces. No, they would never steer me wrong, and yes, sometimes they know what is best for me, even when I can’t see it. And check out this horoscope:

You’re about to be given the chance to embark on an extraordinary relationship. Be receptive to influences that shape your mind, body and soul, and make sure you can relinquish your need for control.
Sometimes we miss opportunities because of our prejudices against ourselves. We limit ourselves. I’m not limiting myself anymore.

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13 Comments

  1. Serra said,

    Just leaving a hug for you because it sounds like you have all the words you need.

  2. Susanne said,

    ((Nanners))

  3. Aimee said,

    Yay for you, Sweetest! This post makes me happy. I love you.

  4. Inanna said,

    Serra – *smile*

    Susanne – HUGS!

    Aimee, no happier than I am sweets!

  5. brighton said,

    You are so right, find a man who wants to be there and shows it without the “wondering”. I’m happy for you!

  6. kenju said,

    Hallelujah! The dawn comes…..LOL. I’m sort of teasing – because I don’t know you well enough to say that. But if it fits – there you go.

  7. Jamie said,

    I’m glad for you. I’ve had a few relationships that I was so blind in, they could have used me for ages had they noticed.

    After reading so many of your posts about AZ, I saw the man the way you now see him. But it’s easier when love isn’t clogging your brain. I’m sure glad for you that the future is wide open now!

    He didn’t deserve someone as awesome as you!

  8. CrazyRideLady said,

    Maybe this is what the cards were telling you – maybe The Star was telling you what you really want is to just be happy, and AZ isn’t the one to that makes you happy, YOU are! It’s really hard to give up something or someone you’ve wanted for so very long, but now you can move forward in your life. I’m so very happy for you!!!

  9. Seamus said,

    I know that it sux “to know” but at least you can move on to other things and other loves. *HUGS*

  10. Vince said,

    Glad you got some clarity. It’s too bad it did’t work out between you two, but better to know now than later after investing a lot of emotional effort in a real relationship.

    You’re going to make someone a very lucky man. And glad something I said may have helped.

  11. LisaBinDaCity said,

    I’m in the same mindset right now in a way. One door closes and a new one opens. And while that is scary, the future is still alive with wonderful new possibilities.

  12. Jeanette said,

    (hug)

    You can’t have my Tony. So there. 😛

    xoxo

  13. blackpunkin said,

    Thanks for everything gals and guy. I’m quite happy right now and yes, the future is very bright. I’m a positive person by nature so I like when things are going in a positive direction.

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