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August 22, 2006 at 10:59 am (Uncategorized)

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Read the Manual

August 20, 2006 at 11:12 pm (Uncategorized)

When one gets a cell phone one should read the owner’s manual instead of attempting to have their daughter interpret symbols she cannot see. But thank goodness for my parents’ trip to Maine they invested in a cell phone.

My Mo was complaining because she said the phone hadn’t been activated. I told her I would call the number to see if it would ring in. She could hear my house phone ringing her cell phone but the cell phone wasn’t ringing.

She said, “See, this thing isn’t working, it just isn’t working, why isn’t it working?”

I said, “Well, is it powered up correctly?”

“Oh, well, no, it’s not on”

“Mom, turn the phone on.”


“I don’t understand what this button does. It says “settings” and then it says “silent” and “meeting” and “normal,” what does that mean?”

“That is how you set how you want your phone to ring.”

“Well, which one do I want?”


“Well, what is this line with the line through it?”

“I don’t know, Mom. Did you read the manual?”

“I really haven’t had time.”

“You really need to read the manual, Mom.”


… and hour and a half later…

“Mom, you may not have service out there in the mountains *BFE!*”

“But, I gave them my zip code and that is how they are tracking my minutes.”

“That doesn’t mean that you have service.”

“But, they did it by my zip code.”

*Banging head against keyboard*

“I still don’t know what this line with a line through it is.”

“Mom, maybe you should just read the manual.”

“Well, I’m just going to have to get out my magnifying glass to read the instructions. They print them too small.”

“Mom, have a great trip.”

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Everything is OK

August 20, 2006 at 9:25 am (Uncategorized)

AZ has returned. I spoke to him last night and this morning. He seems tired but in an evened out decent mood. No finger pointing has ensued and I just feel better knowing he’s back even though I was wondering if I would be.

Relationships are complicated.

I had a job interview on Friday and I have another one tomorrow. Although the peeps seemed nice, although highly Republican, the thought of moving from one sit down job to another is just almost too much to bear. Not that I’ve ever been cut out for a desk job, but as I get older the more kinetic I seem to become. And set in my ways.

I can sit for hours and bead or write, but I’m also free to smoke and play loud music and move around if I so desire. I think that is it. I like to move around a lot. I always have. I’m constantly up and down. Aside from all of the problems I faced last week, I felt much better doing sales and pulling t-shirts and basically, running my ass off.

I’m happier, freer, and more confident. I really have to give this some thought…

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Der Ain’t Nuttin’ In the World

August 18, 2006 at 11:06 pm (Uncategorized)

Like a tequila drunk. Best damn drunk on the planet. just ask my Texiss friends. That is “Texiss.” I spelled it right, shut up.

Me, and Kevin, that’s the head printer, and his girlfriend, Terri, wo is kind enough to pull shirts out fo the dryer for us, decided that my offer of a a margarita was too good to pass up. Not to mention our Texiss fajitas, pronounced as “fa-hee-tees.”

That is West Virginia Mexican. fa-hee-tees.

So, I talked to the ole Master and Commander today. That would be fuckin’ AZ, for those not paying attention, I need to be fucking nicer but I been mad since that mofo told me I told him that fuckin’ order worng. What the fuck ever. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.

Goddamn he hurt my feelings. mother fucker. I hate when he does htat. I told the son of abithc Id sell the fuckin’ shirts. I said., “Do you trust me?”
And for that fuckin’ lackidaisial, unconvincing, half0hearted, mumbled “yes” i would have prefered he said, fuck no. Puhleasse.

He don’t trust anyfuckingbody. And it’s his own damn fault. I fuckin’ hate it. He has skills, mad 6th sense skills and he still trusts the wrong fuckers… what the fuck? I mean, WHAT THE FUCK??? FUCK THAT SHIT!!! FUCK THAT NOISE!!!

I told yall the mofo didn’t get the checks out on time, right? Yeha, so ya know, I’ve been there. I’ve needed money, I depend on my paycheck, so this morning, ya know, I call and ask, yo, do ya”ll need any money to help get you throuh the weekend? Only one did so I wrote a check out of my personal account. Fuck it. I figure fuck, he’ll pay me back, I know the fuckin’ boss. In myview, as the fuckin’ quasi, fuckedup office manager, it may be my business to make sure my workers want to show up on Monday!

AZ,well he told me he didn’t want me floating that money, blah, blah fuckin’ blah, WTF ever. I told him, it was, ya know, a special circumstance, it’s not going to happen every week and it fuckin’ sure as hell is not like I used his fuckin’ money. I did it out of the goodness fo my fuckin’ heart. He said he had asked the computer guy to drop by and give out some cash, okay, fine and fuckin’ dandy, but he didn’t tell me that shit. Fuck that noise.

When I talked to the computer guy I told him what AZ said and he’s like, “who else is supposed to take care of this?” As in, AZ really needed to get his head out of his ass. I coulnd’t agree more. I understand but I don’t understand.

All I know is, the mother fucker ahs been pretty critical of how I’ve handled things. Well, I did the best I could given the fact I was hog tied, blindfolded, had cotton stuffed in my nouth and dropped into a hot vat o greese.

I can’t believe he had the nerve to tell me I had trust issues… pot. kettle .black. Look in the mirror asshole.

Not to mention, I still fuckin’ love him… ya’ll know fo rsure now, I’m nuts. Crazy as a bedbug. whatever, I’ drunk. I’m goin’ ta bed.

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Mojo Risin’

August 17, 2006 at 11:14 pm (Uncategorized)

I know, two posts in one night…

Just as an aside. . . remember how I’ve said that Sailor Boy and Mr. Catholic always make fun of my religion? Well, last Friday, Sailor Boy and I were trading barbs because there is only so much I can take before I start getting snarky and hateful. He tossed out a challenge. If I were so “tight” with my spirits and the Summerland world, then I should put my money where my mouth is and use my mojo to get him a new job.

I said, Fine, Sailor Boy, and if I do, then you keep your trap shut about my religion for the rest of the time that we work together. Fine, two weeks, Gypsy Girl. Deal is done.

Before I left today, Sailor Boy had two interviews, one for something he didn’t even apply for. I’d say that’s pretty damn good. Mojo takes time but I put in an express order. Then he had the audacity to ask, “Can’t you do something about the Prosecutor’s job? I really want that one.”


I tossed this over my left shoulder to test the spiritual waters. My spirits sighed and rolled their eyes but flitted off.

Now, why would I stir the spirits up like that? As I explained to Myra, maybe it will open some eyes. It may not change the world and may not even change how Sailor Boy feels, but, it may make him think and be more tolerant. Perhaps it will draw him closer to his own faith. Perhaps he will be able to see the power of positive thinking, the power of intention, the power of creative visualization, and the power of simply believing there is more to the other side than we could ever imagine.

Not to mention, it was totally worth it to slither up next Sailor Boy and say, “Mojo risin’, baby… mojo risin’.”

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My Fabulous Life

August 17, 2006 at 7:27 pm (Uncategorized)

I have a headache. Today his name is AZ.

CAN ANYTHING ELSE GO WRONG?? Don’t answer that. Please don’t answer that.

I have a been a paralegal for 9 years. I have been a writer for 25 years. Both require a certain attention to detail. It is my life. It is my personality. I work with lawyers and paralegals, who also carry these traits.

I forget that others do not.

Last Friday we were trying to call in an order when we discovered that the size smalls did not come in 50/50, only 100% cotton. This is what precipitated the call from me to the ad agency to determine if, per my understanding, they would accept 100% for the smalls. Yes, they would.

My fault was thinking that AZ would remember this conversation or that I had understood him correctly or that he understood me correctly. I don’t know. Either way, when I talked him during the chaos that was our Wednesday, he believed that they had accepted 100% FOR THE ENTIRE ORDER.

So, now, I have 138 shirts which, while the right color, are the wrong fiber content. No, they cannot be returned. Would anyone care for some 100% cotton maroon shirts in varying sizes (M to 2XL)??? Anyone? And no, the client wants the 50/50 even though the dye lots are assured to be wrong and the smalls will be a different shade of maroon.

While he didn’t yell, scream, or cuss, AZ stated that I did not specify the fiber content. Frankly, I think I did. I know in the e-mail I did and if I’m not mistaken, although I could be, I also reminded him over the phone yesterday or maybe I didn’t make myself clear enough.

Either way, I’m steamed. I’m steamed because we now have 138 maroon shirts that we cannot use and cannot return. I’m steamed because I’m being blamed for this fuck up whenever I’m only willing to take 50% of the blame and the reason for that is that if AZ had left the fucking credit card so that we could order while he was away instead of depending on calling cards and shoddy cell and Internet service, this most definitely would not have happened.

Okay, one bitten, twice shy and all that other shit. Blow me.

Not to mention, he’s not ordering anything until Monday so I then had to call the ad agency back again and tell them their order would not be ready until the middle of next week.

The shop resembles a warehouse making it much harder to circulate the 100 degree air.

AZ missed the FedEx pick up in BF-NC so payroll will be late.

Did I mention he’ll be hand delivering those sometime late Saturday? Yeah, he’s coming back a day early. Hoo-rah.

If you see fireworks from the general direction of WV Saturday evening, you’ll know what happened. Enjoy the show.

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And… The Plot Thickens

August 16, 2006 at 10:42 pm (Uncategorized)

At 12:42 this afternoon, I received a call from the shop informing me that some money had been stolen. While it was not a grossly large sum, $81.00, it was still our money. Well, all but $45 was our money, the rest belonged to our PC repair guy.

I had no idea we even had any money on the premises. Most of the time, we invoice our contractor or promotional company or funds are collected and deposited the same day. First, I talked to the aforementioned Incompetent Employee and then the Head Printer who called me from his home. (He has the crud that is going around). I left work early to deal with the situation. Both guys asked that I not “bother” AZ with this latest pile of shit. I said I wouldn’t call him right off until I had a better understanding of what had happened.

Head Printer suggested that we meet at 4:00 to discuss the situation but he strongly felt we should file a police report. I agreed. Regardless, I was at the shop by two, AZ was on the phone by 2:40 and the police had arrived by 3:15. When AZ called I told him that I was already at the shop. Printing had ground to halt because we had ran out of shirts on the 15,000 piece, artwork for other smaller jobs was being burned on the screens, we had shirts that we didn’t know what to do with, and I had other questions.

I then told him that the reason I was at the shop early was because someone had stolen some money from the drawer. To me, not telling him would have just been a lie of omission, something I’m not willing to do. I don’t care if he’s on vacation. Sometimes shit just happens. He responded calmly, wanting to know why there was money there to start with. I told him all that I knew and when I suggested filing a police report, he concurred. He gave me some further instructions, telling me he would call me later. He didn’t lie. We were back on the phone as the officer, actually the one who was with Jeff when he found out I was pregnant with Nate, pulled up to the side entrance.

I filed the report and it will be referred to the detective bureau. I can’t really speculate at this time what happened to the money. First, any of our money should not have even been there. It should have been given to me to deposit, yeah, if only they had known I had the deposit book. Regardless, someone should have taken it out of the office and not left it overnight. Even the PC repair guy’s money should have been carried out and returned the following day. My first and most major question is… if Mr. Incompetent discovered the money missing between 9:30 and 10:00, why did it take him two hours and 42 minutes to call me? Questions. Questions without answers.

AZ issued an edict, via me, no more money is to be left in the office.

Head Printer is distraught but came in at 4:00 and was still working as of 9:00.

I am disappointed and exhausted.

We have over 13,000 shirts arriving tomorrow. Hoorah.

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August 15, 2006 at 11:33 pm (Uncategorized)

As much as I love the guys at the shop, there is one that I want to choke almost on a daily basis. I try to remember that he really isn’t himself due to various medical problems and ensuing medications. I try really, really hard.

However, after busting my ass for two days trying to keep things running smoothly and telling him at least twice that I had a confirmation to change an order AND writing down the confirmation so he could tell AZ when he called back, I was livid when he called me back and told me that AZ told him to call me since I was the one who was supposed to confirm the order change.

I lost my temper. I yelled into the phone. I reminded him that I had told him twice AND had written it down that the order change had already been confirmed AND that he was supposed to tell AZ that it had been confirmed and give him the order OVER THE PHONE SO THE FUCKING T-SHIRTS COULD BE ORDERED TOMORROW!!!! This is when he decides to open his eyes and click on the little part that reads, “literacy,” and reads where I had written it down. “Oh, yeah, you did write it down.”




Let’s put aside the fact that our boss is AZ. I don’t care if it is AZ or Guy #3, I do not like being portrayed as someone who has not done what they are supposed to do, especially given the very, very, VERY FUCKING TIGHT DEADLINE WE ARE UNDER RIGHT NOW!!! Now, multiply that by TEN because our boss is, in fact, AZ.

I take AZ’s trust in me very serious, in case that wasn’t obvious. Not just because, under the right circumstances, I am a kick ass employee. I do not slack, I run full steam. But also because the man that is my boss I also happen to be kick ass IN LOVE WITH.

Not to mention, that given the relatively small number of people I have contacted, I’m taking the shit for what other’s deem as incompetence on the part of said employee, not to mention the snide remarks about phone calls not being returned promptly by AZ. Hence why I said yesterday that human beings are foul creatures. Perhaps it was nasty, but foul will work too.

Have I mentioned how far behind I am on my beading? I am very far behind and having hand cramps last week and Nate for two weekends in a row has pretty much … yeah, I’m not happy. Having Nate is one thing, hand cramps are another. My hands are my life. I did finally get a bead order out only then to discover, I forgot a color. I looked at the diminished quantity in the vial, calculated rapidly in my head and said, “Oh, yeah, I really do need those.” Fuck.

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August 14, 2006 at 11:10 pm (Uncategorized)

I’m not panicked. Not at all. I just find myself not knowing what the fuck I’m doing. I don’t know any of the prices. Bob was AWOL this evening. Kevin doesn’t know. AZ is gone. And I need to work up two quotes. Lovely. Just fucking lovely.

I’ve also forgotten what wretched beings humans are. Take me out of customer service for five months and somehow I’ve forgotten what nasty, condescending assholes people can be. Nasty, I tell you, nasty. No worries. Nanner smiled and got her full metal jacket out of the cleaners. Tally ho!

Though honestly, so far, so good.

Although, there is that issue of all the shirts that need ordered… and the artwork that hasn’t been delivered… and those other 15,000 shirts… and the artwork that has to be submitted for work up… and the missing photocopy (which I’m sure is with AZ in NC – *ahem* *growl*)… and the alien abduction which has resulted in this rather interesting arroyo in my head that I have never noticed before, therefore will be chalked up to alien abduction… and the phone call at 4:50 a.m.

Oh yes, the 4:50 call. You see, I awoke Sunday morning to a “missed call” on my cell phone. “Unknown” it said. (Which should be pronounced UNK-nown, just because… play along children). Since I have practically the entire phonebook from 10 states and beyond (remember… alien abduction) and since no call has EV-AH come up on my phone “UNK-nown,” it occurred to me that a some certain someone, someone who has a habit of rising extremely early in the morning *cough*AZ*cough, and who was out of town and wouldn’t have an opportunity at another time, especially on a weekend, to make such a call, or rather, EXPLAIN making such call… yeah, well… I figured it was him.

AZ, not the alien.

And, how odd, out of the eight phone calls I received today, only one said, “UNK-nown,” and it happened to be from the one person who called me using a calling card since he is out of town. 4:50. Good Lord and Lady, the man hadn’t even been gone 24 hours!

I really must wipe this smug look off of my face… the aliens may leave another arroyo. Bad Nanner. BAD. NANNER.

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Virgo Moon

August 13, 2006 at 10:35 pm (Uncategorized)

My moon is in Virgo, which represents that emotionally, I’m analytical. It drives me nuts. When under stress, I analyze. I seek, I search, I ruminate. Sometimes, I’m so busy, I don’t have the opportunity to do that. I like it. Things flip through my brain with amazing speed and while I still analyze to a degree, I don’t ruminate like I used to. I like it. When I am busy, it forces me to switch gears from thinking to feeling. I like it. I like it a lot.

I have found a much greater peace from feeling instead of thinking. I feel more confident, more sure of myself, more sure of the decisions that I make. I don’t feel at war with myself. I am at peace.

Perhaps it is the greater confidence in myself which has been pushed forward by AZ. Not just professionally, but also in our friendship/relationship. After 46 text messages over a period of a month, most of them saying “good morning” or “good night,” which normally precipitated a phone call from one to the other, he said, “You know, you can call me. . .” Now, instead of text messaging him that I am awake, I call him at the station. Now, instead of text messaging me that he’s about to go to sleep, he calls me. After multitudes of voice messages, I don’t leave one anymore because I know he’ll see my number and call me. This is evidenced by the fact there were two messages from me in the 34 messages on his phone.

I was a bit surprised that he allowed me to listen to his voice messages. That just seemed like such a personal thing. From the voice messages, he made us each a list of people to call. I have several things at the shop that need to be accomplished and it feels good. I also know that he’s feeding me leads to follow up on so he has an excuse to pay me for them. He doesn’t know that I know that, he didn’t tell me that, but I know it serves a two-fold purpose – it frees up the time he would spend on it (most sales take a minimum of five follow ups) and it gives him an excuse to pay me commission.

More than anything, I know he trusts me. AZ can be exceptionally anal and controlling over his enterprise. He realizes what can happen, he has seen what can happen, when the wrong people have control over things. He’s once bitten, twice shy. Perhaps he also realizes that I’m a fish out of water and the world of sales is new to me, as is actually managing an office, although I have all the skills but none of the practical experience. And, I’m working double-time so instead of throwing a lot of shit on me at once, he’s easing me into it.

Perhaps it is that I’m ambitious. When he expressed doubt that we could handle the 15,000 piece job, plus the other smaller jobs, I told him, in no uncertain terms, those jobs would be done, done well, and done on time. Period.

So far, this has been the best thing to happen to us. We’re more relaxed with each other. When he got mad because one of our wholesalers had sent the wrong color shirts, he kicked in the filing cabinet. I heard about it later from the guys and when I talked to him that night, I said, “I heard you had a run in with one of the filing cabinets. Did it kick you, baby?” He answered ruefully, “Yeah, and I kicked it right back.”

Yes, he’s well known for his fits against inanimate objects and he’s also known to be curt and rude but only to those who let him get by with it. I, on the other hand, have absolutely no fear of him and have absolutely no tolerance for rude behavior directed at me.

He must know that too, because he treats me like the Goddess I am.

On the other hand, he’s still dating someone else (although it feels as though we’re the ones who are dating). He’s with her and her family at the beach right now. I can’t say that I’m thrilled, I can’t say that I’m totally jealous, I can’t say that I wish 100% that he hadn’t gone because I know how much he was looking forward to this time with his mom as well. That, I would not take away from him. It’s hard though. Especially when I ruminate, when I wonder what will happen when he comes home, when I think about what is and what might be.

It’s when I think that I doubt, when I doubt I get anxious, when I get anxious I lose confidence, when I lose confidence I lose momentum.

When I feel, I know, when I know, I relax, when I relax, I am my true self, when I’m my true self, I can accomplish anything.

I know it sounds cheesy but AZ really is the wind beneath my wings. He doesn’t tell me I can do things, he doesn’t tell me I can accomplish things, he believes I can and therefore I believe in myself. But, he’s been here. His voice has been on the phone, his eyes have looked at me, his hands have touched me, and right now, I feel a little lost. I just have to remember that he’s with me. The wind still blows and he still believes.

T-Bird and I have this thing where we say, “Miss me!” and the other responds, “Okay, miss me!” Out of habit, I did that to AZ Friday night. I said,”Miss me!” And he responded, “I will.”

My darling, if you only knew. If you only knew how much I already miss you…

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