The Fourteen Years War – 2001 – Volume I and Again Only One

July 7, 2006 at 8:30 am (Uncategorized)

I had decided to move on from AZ and began dating Holland, the drunk, in early January. I still wasn’t sure things were going to work out and they didn’t in the long run. I was under the impression that Holland was on the wagon with his drinking and was sucked in way too deep by the time I determined that indeed, he was never on the wagon.

Remember that slippery slope of alcoholism and co-dependency, well, they go hand in hand. The Spring and Summer of 2001, Jeff had started having problems at the department. His back problem had gotten worse and he was drinking more. The bitch he was dating didn’t help anything. Another co-dependent, she fed his addiction and dependency on her. I suppose that’s the pot calling the kettle black except I don’t think she ever really saw the problem with it, whereas I spent my time reading up on AA.

Life with Holland was a roller coaster. Drunk – sober – drunk – jail – sober. I blogged about it here and here. No need to root that piece of shit up.

I spoke with AZ around March or May and we were comparing our relationships. He had finally ditched Jean and was now seeing a woman named Joanie. I simmered a bit at that. Not that it would have done much good as I was full to the teeth with Holland at the time.

As things spiraled out of control with Holland, they also spiraled out of control with Jeff. AZ and I weren’t talking much and if we did, it wasn’t about our relationships. I’ve pretty much learned if I can’t be honest about my relationship with him, then it’s probably not very good.

By October, Jeff was the worst I have ever seen him. Hateful, moody, drunk, and stoned on prescription painkillers. The bitch girlfriend was always around and for the most part, Jeff kept it together when the kids were around, or so I thought. I forgot that drunks hide a lot and lie a lot. Jeff didn’t keep his promise though, Danlel and Nate both told me how he had gotten angry at Nate and turned around in the car and started wailing on Nate with his fist. I filed custody papers and got a temporary injunction to keep Nate away from him.

My grandfather died suddenly in October, things with Jeff were out of control, I found myself dealing with Holland’s drunk ass more times than I cared to count. I was making excuses and down right lying about him to the people in my life. I spent too many evenings waiting for the police number to show up on the Caller ID. I missed an important deadline at work. I was depressed and angry.

I still remembered AZ’s birthday though, but since I was back to Ms. Co-Dependent, I really didn’t have much to say except about the situation with Jeff. Again, if I can’t talk to AZ about it, if I’m too afraid to be honest with him, then something just isn’t right in my life.

Pirates of the Caribbean KICKED ASS!! The ending was absolutely perfect.

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