The Fourteen Years War – 1995 – Volume II

June 27, 2006 at 5:27 pm (Uncategorized)

So, I worked again and afterwards I went to the radio station and AZ and I hung out. Afterwards, we dropped by the post office and AZ convinced me I really did want to go home with him. Not like it took much convincing. We may have even had to the, “You can’t be very happy with her/him if you’re here with me” conversation. I do remember that as I was getting dressed, AZ came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. I looked at him in the mirror and he looked at me. I had seen this in my dreams a hundred times. I still have the jeans I was wearing that night, even though I’ve long outgrown them, I can’t bear to throw them away. It was the last time we kissed.

Even though AZ offered me a job, I knew my parents and Jeff would not approve, plus I needed a job with benefits. Two weeks later I went to Atlanta to see Jeff and we went sight-seeing at Stone Mountain.

I came home and got a job with a temp agency and eventually landed a full-time gig in the accounting department of a large construction materials manufacturer. I bought a small trailer from a girl I knew from college and moved out of my parent’s house into the city I live now. Well, it wasn’t in the city limits but close enough.

Honestly, I thought that when I moved, things with me and Jeff would get better. They didn’t. I moved in July of 1995, and by September, we were on the skids, big time. I was growing more and more disenchanted with the fact I was now autonomous and had my own place and Jeff and were spending less and less time together. I was tired of the excuses and bullshit. I can see now that not only had I outgrown my parents, I was outgrowing Jeff as well. He promised me he was getting a divorce and said he might need a place to stay, could he possibly stay with me. I said he could if he filed for divorce.

Around that time AZ called me. I told him what was going on and he asked if he could call me. I told him that Jeff may be staying with me. Understandably, he was not hearing any of that noise and told me to forget it. (I try not to regret these pivotal moments in my life because they brought me to where I am now and let us not forget, AZ was still seeing Jean.)

The bad feelings between Jeff and I persisted until October. I had a few vacation days at my job I had to use before the end of the year and I convinced Jeff to allow me to go to Knoxville, TN with him for an FOP convention to try and patch things up. Did I mention at the end of September I had had a horrible case of bronchitis and I had to take antibiotics?

Jeff decided while we were there that he would show me where he and Lo had gotten married. I sat there incredulous as he drove me by the church. Karma is a bitch. Nanner got knocked up in Knoxville. I think Jeff and I knew it the moment it happened. It put a pall on the remaining day we had. I questioned Jeff on the way back about the fact his elder son’s grandmother has passed away and how he was going to explain the fact he and Lo were divorcing.

“I don’t know!” I knew in that moment that Jeff had lied to me. He wasn’t really divorcing Lo and I hated the fact I had given up another opportunity to be with AZ because of his lies and my stupidity. I don’t know who I hated more at that moment.

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