A Play: In Four Acts

May 14, 2006 at 8:47 pm (Uncategorized)

Nate caught a big fish.

J2 caught a bigger fish.

J1 caught the biggest fish.

Then a cow tried to eat the fish. Annie told the cow to piss off!

The End.

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Carnage By A Thousand Tiny Paper Cuts

May 13, 2006 at 1:20 am (Uncategorized)

Well, after five years of writing letters to the school, this year, I no longer had the heart for it. Whether it was fatigue, Jeff, Nate, the school, or just life in the way, this year is the one in which I did not constantly write and fax letters to the school… and that’s what I needed to make my case.

I know better. I’m a fucking paralegal!! And maybe that’s why we’ve all had it rougher, because I wasn’t on my letter writing campaign as I normally am. We just don’t have enough solid evidence, written evidence, to back it up.

So, instead of one great explosion, it shall be a thousand tiny paper cuts. Do not ask. I will not tell. I admit nothing.

However, it has come to attention that Nate’s teacher gives seminars, perhaps in your state, on character and values. Maybe she should read one of those books she wrote on fucking character and values. You know what I see? Fake. She’s a fake. Maybe I’ll find out when and where her next speaking engagement is and enlighten everyone there about what she’s REALLY like.

I can say though, that Nate has learned from this exposure. We were listening to my Nickelback CD (cuz it’s all Nickelback, all the time, in my car) and he switched it to the song, “If Everyone Cared.” It’s another song that reminds me of AZ and porch time but Nate had a different take on it, “I like this song, too. It’s a good character lesson.”

From underneath the trees, we watch the sky
Confusing stars for satellites
I never dreamed that you’d be mine
But here we are, we’re here tonight

Singing Amen, I’m alive
Singing Amen, I’m alive

If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
We’d see the day when nobody died

And I’m singing
Amen I, I’m alive
Amen I, I’m alive

And in the air the fireflies
Our only light in paradise
We’ll show the world they were wrong
And teach them all to sing along

Singing Amen I’m alive
Singing Amen I’m alive

If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
We’d see the day when nobody died
If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
We’d see the day when nobody died

And as we lie beneath the stars
We realize how small we are
If they could love like you and me
Imagine what the world could be

If everyone cared …

Goes to show, people should practice what they preach, and not push those who believe in extracting justice, wreaking havoc, creating chaos, and leaving carnage in their wake, one paper cut at a time. Not to mention, I have evil friends.

If only I had Nate’s still naive heart that when I asked about the situation with the vile little bitch being suspended, he said, “I just don’t understand. She’s such a nice girl. Why would she do something so mean? She must have dreamt it and then wrote it down. I didn’t mean for her to get suspended (OH, BUT I DID!), I wonder who told on her?”

“Your father and I did. What she did was wrong and she deserved it.”

Oh, to have a heart like Nate. May he grow up to be a better person than either of his parents.

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CARNAGE

May 10, 2006 at 10:59 pm (Uncategorized)

As I started this post, I had to clear a space on WordPerfect and found my packing list for Texas. It’s the little things. I often wonder what it would be like to actually live there. Would I ever be at home or would I constantly crash the party at Brighton’s pad? I imagine sitting with my sister at my nephew’s ball games and maybe even Nate is playing, eating clay pot fish with Zelda and Jethro and teaching their girls to bead, clapping at Annie’s recitals, groping (Not So) tinyhands, making a road trip out to Kristin’s. It’s where the friends are. Texas has the highest per capita ratio of Nanner friends. That is kinda sad, since I don’t actually live there.

This weekend prepared me to return to reality. I found myself much calmer, happier, and infinitely less stressed. Hard to believe, I almost canceled my trip. Yes, I almost did.

On Thursday morning, I received a call from Jeff, who was up in arms. After several months of relative quiet and cooperation he decided to go apeshit about my Texas trip. I’ll not get into the whys and what fors of what he said. It doesn’t matter now because when I called him later he apologized for taking his spite out on me. I don’t believe this has ever happened before. Even after I returned, he asked if he had been mean to me and I told him, “UH, YEAH!” There was medication and a lack of sleep involved in this scenario which, frankly, has happened before, but it was enough before this to make me seriously consider canceling. But before the second phone call I had already decided, “Fuck it, I’m going.”

Once arriving at Jeff’s to drop Nate’s clothes off, he handed me a piece of paper. It had a drawing of Nate’s classroom on it, desks, and little people with names on them, like scenes from a play. It was called, “The Best Day In Fourth Grade.” It chronicled the children in Nate’s classroom setting him up to get in big trouble, the tattling, his teacher’s anger, Nate’s flight from the classroom, and the subsequent jubilation of his classmates and teacher to be rid of him.

Needless to say, it was probably a good thing that I had to be on a flight at 6:30 the following morning or someone would have gotten an ass-whooping. Some “very bright” little girl decided to write this masterpiece at home, make copies, and distribute them to her classmates, including the brunt of her play, Nate, who brought it home in his book bag. The teacher never.saw.a. thing. Yet, as we pointed out on Monday, she sees every.little.thing.Nate.does.

Jeff and I decided that we would think over what was to be done and address the issue together on Monday. Kristin probably got to see the brunt of the anger I had boiling inside of me as she and I discussed this over lunch in Kemah.

Nate is by no means, perfect. I know he can be a little shit, after all, he is of my blood. He has complained about how the kids tattle on him, yet we have been assured by the school that everything that he does is witnessed by an adult. This masterpiece threw that into sharp relief as I wondered what they weren’t seeing or what they were selectively seeing. What little faith I had in the school, his teacher, and principal is gone. They had no good answers for our questions and deftly side-stepped our concerns about what was really going on in the classroom. After all, this was just a “portrayal,” “fiction,” what the fuck ever.

I say it’s an accurate portrayal of what Nate has endured this year. His teacher wasn’t at school on Monday but the principal called her. Do you think she called one of us or came out and spoke to Jeff today about the situation? No, she fucking hid in her classroom and probably pouted because one of her “brightest” students was suspended for harassment. Our way of doing this was to contact the Board of Education (hereinafter “BOE”) first. Yes, I got the hereinafters going on because we’re filing a formal complaint with the BOE against Nate’s principal and teacher for their treatment of him this year. I’m also consulting an attorney.

Nate cannot help that he is ADHD, that he has seizures, that he’s dyslexic. He cannot help that he had to go off of his medication for an entire month. It certainly didn’t stop them from suspending him nor did it stop them from perpetuating a hostile environment or continuing the carnage.

I say: THE CARNAGE HAS JUST BEGUN!

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Mass Tequila

May 8, 2006 at 10:21 pm (Uncategorized)

Where do you start talking about one of the best weekends of recent memory? Okay, of far reaching memory?

Let’s start with my flight. Uneventful, except it was hotter than hell, preparation for Texas I suppose.

Found Travis first, who looked at me strange, as though he was trying to determine who I was. Guess I solved that dilemma when I squealed, enveloped him in a Peach Hug, danced around a bit, and started talking a mile a minute and squealing some more. Then I saw Brighton and Bear and I started squealing again. Then we took a nice long trip, scenery wasn’t great, unless you count the four of us, and then we found the car.

Took another long and winding trip, also not great scenery, but then we found the cashier to actually get us out of the parking garage at Interfuckedupcontinental. Travis inadvertently put the ticket in the machine which means he had to pay by credit card. A whole fucking dollar. (This is important later, there will be a test.)

Then we took another long trip but finally landed back at Casa Brighton and as the Peach is always hungry (and ate her body weight in steak this weekend), decided to wait as Kristin would be there within an hour or so. Twas not to be as Kristin and Hubby had to deal with some damaging hail from the night before and Kristin decided to drive in early Saturday morning.

Off to Mom Alone’s we went, with Bear, who is absolutely the best little feller, not to mention he at least attempted to keep Nanner on the straight and narrow. It’s okay Bear, many have failed before you. Had my first margarita, MANGO! Great food and just hanging out. Then it was off to see Brighton’s new digs. Spacious and sunny.

Back to Interfuckedupcontinental to pick up Jeanette (after a nice nap!). Travis was determined not to feed his parking ticket to the machine again but immediately drove into the lane marked, “Credit Card Payment Only” which I nicely pointed out to him before the parking Nazis made him pay with his credit card again. This precipitated the “Tank Ou” and “Twelcome” interaction described over at Brighton’s. Then off to eat, AGAIN. I swear I gained 10 lbs. on Friday alone. Another margarita. Was that one peach? Regular? I don’t remember. In between I talked to my sister and Zelda.

To bed, late, but what heaven it was, sleeping in Sara’s beautiful bed, under the glorious air conditioning vent (this will be important later, there will be a test). Rolled over, opened one eye, and promptly went back to sleep when a thunderstorm hit. Obviously, even after four hours of sleep, Jeanette was lucid enough to enjoy nature’s fury. And Nanner, yeah, I slept through it.

Up and at it for Travis’s pancakes. YUM!!! He makes bacon the best way. Then we hemmed and hawed around talking to my sister, checking on Kristin and decided to carry on to the Boardwalk in Kemah. My sister, brother-in-law, and nephews came up from the ‘burbs and I got to enjoy some of my favorite people in the world in one spot. Jeanette rode a huge cock, and had a rather phallic ride to the top of the somethingaruther. Kristin and Travis came later. Lemme tell ya, there is no one who can get macked out like Kristin. If I thought I could look half as good with twice the effort, I would get macked out more often. There isn’t enough Aquanet on the planet to make my hair look that good.

So, then we ate again and I had another margarita. Peach, I think. I know at some point I had a peach margarita. It’s just all a little fuzzy.

We said goodbye to my sister and family and Travis who had to get ready for work and we four ladies took off for a drive-by of Galveston and then a race home to get ready for Blogmeet. Four ladies getting macked out in the same house. It was a sight to behold. Brighton helped me get my hair ironed out and loaned me a bit of make up and Kristin contributed lip gloss cuz you know the Nanner doesn’t get macked out very often.

Ran into (Not So) Tinyhands first, who had the same deer in the headlights look as Travis did when I started squealing and hugging. The tables were set up and so we waited. I started drinking. I drank a lot of tequila, one shot of 1800 and then Patron all the way. Zelda and Jethro showed up, which pretty much made my night complete although I didn’t get to talk to Zelda much due to our respective places at the table, I did auction off my beaded ring to her. Hee hee!!! Then several margaritas, shots, and another steak later, Nanner started drunk dialing.

First was Celti, who I actually called Celti to her husband instead of her real name. I was still somewhat coherent and sober at that time. Okay, maybe not sober, but at least coherent. Then, it was Lois Lane in the hot spot. Then MakeMineMike, who was not available so I left a message and then AZ, who was also not available, but who I promised I would drunk dial.

AZ called back first and we chit chatted. He told me to have a marvelous time, which I already was. The Patron kept flowing, or rather, I kept telling them “just one more.” So, four shots and four margaritas later, Mikey called back and went on the infamous toilet trip. Nanner is classy, isn’t she? Of course, our conversation started out with me loudly proclaiming a la Brighton on wine, “I AM DRUNK!” and then dissolving in giggles so ferocious I had to give the phone to Brighton herself.

Five shots and five margaritas later, Jethro decided that I may need a sobriety test, although I wasn’t going anywhere near the driver’s seat of car. Funny what you can get drunk people to do. Like, a field sobriety test which I solemnly swear I could have almost passed had it not been for that drunken pirouette.

Then for some reason everyone wanted to take pictures and say good-bye. Damnit! Zelda and Jethro followed us, us being, (Not So)tinyhands and myself in TH’s Miata convertible. I’m not sure what I did but obviously did not arouse too much suspicion or people just realized, “Damn, she’s drunk!” But, sadly, Z. And J. had to head home because they couldn’t reach Z.’s sister who was sitting with Emma who was sick. Okay, I bawled. *sniff*

Then it was on over to the cluttered Boom Boom Room and a short but sweet pole dancing demo by Brighton in those heels. My Gawd! She’s got mad skillz, ya’ll!

Back to Brighton’s, drunk dialed AZ one more time, left a message about INFP’s and ESTJ’s or something like that and then I passed out in Brighton’s bed with bras and panties hanging on the ceiling fan. At some point, Travis came home to find me snoring the roof off the house, poor guy, he had to go sleep in Bear’s room.

However, I awoke at 9 minutes after 6, and I was hot and I had to pee. Naturally. And I didn’t feel so good. Nanner doesn’t do well when intoximicated and hot. I paced the hallway before noticing the thermostat on the wall. An electronic one, which if I put my nose up to it, my blind eyes could see the little arrow pointing down, which I pushed, quite a few times. (Sorry if ya’ll freezin’ now B.!) Then I hightailed back to Sara’s room to lay under the aforementioned air conditioning vent. Nanner was happy and promptly fell back asleep while everyone else started shivering.

At some point, I ended up back in Brighton’s bed with her and Jeanette and then Travis came in because Bear’s room was too bright and we all sat and chatted and dozed. More food. Mad dash to the airport, mad dash to the gate. I’m home.

I miss ya’ll.

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Oh My Hell!

May 7, 2006 at 10:16 pm (Uncategorized)

Nanner has returned from Texas. I wondered, as I was running from the check-in counter to my gate, why I was running so hard to get back to reality. After all, it made my boobs hurt. Or was that all the laughing I did?

Ya’ll, I haven’t been that drunk in a long time with so many great people. I drunk dialed a few bloggers, probably said some things I shouldn’t have, cried when Jethro and Zelda left, took a field sobriety test (thanks to Jethro) that I may have passed had it not been for that pirouette gone awry, which I think Jeanette filmed for your enjoyment. It was an awesome weekend.

Staying with Brighton and family was just unbelievably amazing. I feel so much at home with them and it was almost like a college dorm with Jeanette and Kristin also in the house. Poor Travis, he spent most of his time squiring we ladies to and from the airport, working midnights, and coming home to find me passed out in the bed. Wait, that didn’t sound right. I was actually passed out with Brighton, who wasn’t passed out, just sleeping. None of this sounds right.

I can’t begin to say TANKS enough for your hospitality. I loved being there.

There will be pictures once I get my batteries charged for my camera. Plus, a more in-depth rundown of the weekend.

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Updates

May 3, 2006 at 8:45 pm (Uncategorized)

Nate’s doc appt. went well. So far so good. After 3 hours of testing etc. It appears as though not a damn thing is wrong with him, except too much caffeine. I’m happy. I’m also broke, but happy. Better broke and happy than rich and sick.

I have been commissioned to make my first piece of jewelry. Actual commission. Thank you Rachael!!! I’m looking forward to gathering everything to finish it up.

AZ got food poisoning from a local restaurant. He has been very unhappy and I don’t blame him.

I’m leaving for TX, Friday at 6:40 a.m. I will arrive 8:37 a.m. CST. I will have tequila in my veins by 10 a.m. I’m soooooo fucking looking forward to it.

Thanks for all the good feedback/karma about my website. Still working on it. Just… must… find time!!

The new pieces have been accepted at Tamarack and I’ll be sending those out AFTER blogmeet so that everyone can actually see what I’ve done.

There’s much more, but those are the highlights. See you all as soon as I can.

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New Website Is Up

May 1, 2006 at 9:26 pm (Uncategorized)

My new beading website is up. Please do not mention this blog or my blog name. Thanks.

Thanks to Seven and Celti for all their help.

PEACHWORKS!

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