November 13, 2005 at 11:39 pm (Uncategorized)

Going into some situations, you have a feeling for how they may turn out. Old patterns repeat themselves, leopards never change their spots.

What if you realize you’re the leopard?

We want to believe if other people would just trust more or take a chance that things would work out the way we want them to. We’re expecting them to change to satisfy our needs, in essence, blaming them for our own unfulfilled expectations.

The reality though, is that it may not be them. It may be ourselves.

We settle ourselves in a rut. Our own rut. Our way of thinking. As patterns repeat themselves with the same people over and over again, we tend to blame them. Yet, we’re just as capable of making change as they are.

I have placed blame where it is not due.

The time has come to peel the onion some more. Its time to shed another skin. And I have a feeling, its going to be a very tough because I don’t know where to start.

The Onion

Look at your hands
Now imagine
you have no fingernails
the ends are smooth and round
now imagine
there is something slick
on the end of your fingers
Rub it around

Before you
is an onion
Its very large
Its white
It is not sweet
It will burn

You must peel the onion

It is trussed in its shell
the decaying outer shell
But you cannot harm the onion
How will you peel it?
You have no nails
You have no knife
Your fingers are slick

How will you peel it?

There is always a flaw
a crack, a fissure
and you will work your finger
around it
it will be difficult
You must be patient
For you may not harm the onion

You must rub the shiny dead skin
along the crack, the flaw
until it opens
And then you will cry
The onion is not sweet
The onion will burn

Every layer
of the onion
must be peeled.

It is tedious
It is time consuming
It is frustrating
It burns
It makes you cry
but you must not harm the onion

You may not toss it the air
You may not smash it
on the table
you may not use a knife
Nor a nail
Nor anything sharp
for the onion
is fragile

is what the onion needs
Every layer
is thicker and harderevery layer
will burn
every layer
will make you cry
but you must not harm the onion

In the onion
there is a core
it is the most fragile
It is the sweetest part
of the onion
it will not make you cry

As you cup it
in your hands
you realize you’ve spent so much time
peeling the onion
the other pieces
the outer shell
are withering
and dying

And you are left
with the sweet core

Peel your onion
but do not harm the onion
for it contains
your sweetest core

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November 11, 2005 at 10:28 am (Uncategorized)

I’m behind on word count for my novel . . . BAD!! With having to work and run back and forth to Nate’s school and here and there, the novel has suffered. I may try to do a little writing on my lunch hour and of course, when I get home tonight, and tomorrow, and Sunday while Nate is visiting with his dad and his sister.

Speaking of Jeff, I saw him for the first time this morning. All scraped up, bruised, swollen. Lovely. His ankle looks like a softball. Poor Nate had no idea where he was going this morning. First he was going to my mom and dad’s, then to T-Bird’s and then Jeff called and wanted to see him. I’m assuming his girlfriend was there since her car was sitting outside. Jeff showed me his knees where he went under the dash.

I said, “You gonna wear a seatbelt from now on?”


Nate said, “I’ve told him, and told him, and told him, to wear a seatbelt.” Nate’s going to be a great dad someday.

I’m listening to “Desire” by U2. How appropriate for a Friday.

Don’t forget to kiss a Veteran today!!

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Porch Time II

November 10, 2005 at 10:36 am (Uncategorized)

What do you get when you cross one irritated, frustrated, and exhausted paralegal/writer/mother with one irritated, frustrated, and vindictive DJ/business owner/real estate agent? Um… porch time. Says so, riiiight up there.

After a day of higher humidity and 75 degree temps, it cooled off quickly to a brisk 55 degrees. It felt so good. For 2 ½ hours there was a great deal of back rubbing, snickering, sighing, knife/gun/machete/sword yielding, laughing, growling, lamenting, and songs with only a tune and the word “fuck.”

We dispensed with the, “So, whose life sucks yak balls worse right now?” And commenced on a bitchfest. Then reminisced about our 13 ½ years as friends, each being a remembrancer (that is a word) for certain periods and certain things that either we’ll never forget or wish to G-d the other one would. Then we bitched some more and I vented a great deal of frustration upon the muscles in his back.

First Lesson Learned: Frustration is better vented when given the ability to attempt to hurt someone with their permission.

First Reminder: AZ is more vindictive than me and T-Bird combined. He’s the only man I know who is more vindictive than any woman I know, even T-Bird, and she’s pretty damn vindictive.

For example – AZ was at a local watering hole for Monday Night Football when some yahoos broke the antennae off of his car and scratched his hood with it. Although he walked up on the scene a few moments later, he was unable to prove the yahoos did it. Yet, those same yahoos have been suspected of other acts of vandalism, just couldn’t prove it. Apparently following a scene in the parking lot where AZ channeled Attila the Hun or my favorite, Vlad the Impaler, the yahoos decided there may be more safety in numbers and retreated to the bar.

Our story does not stop there children. Oh, far from it. After brewing and stewing in beer and his own juices for the evening, when said yahoos stumbled out of the bar for their trek home, they were followed. Now the person who pretty well knew they had defaced his automobile and the automobile of another person, knew where they lived.

I’m sorry children. Our story must stop here. If I told you the rest of the story I would have to kill you. Please, allow your imaginations to run wild and remember, there are still 9 weeks of football left. Me thinks some yahoos will not be messing with cars anymore.

And after much snorting, wheezing, gasping, huddling, and laughing, AZ bid adios. I think, for both of us, its exactly what the doctor ordered.

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Nanner Does Nursery Rhymes and Other Schtuff

November 8, 2005 at 7:32 pm (Uncategorized)

Just came in the door. It has been ONE. BIZZZZZZY. DAY.

Nate passed out last night at about nine o’clock while watching a movie that we rented because he hadn’t seen the end. Yep, he fell asleep before the end!! Argh!

Jeff sounds blissfully yet grouchily zonked out. How one can be blissful and grouchy at the same time is beyond me. Its like he’s pissed but he doesn’t care. They’re giving him pain meds for the ankle (which the radiologist says is broken) and weaning him back on the nasty med which the lack thereof caused the seizures to start with. Along with Jeff’s other poor habits, like drinking and not taking his diabetes medication, oh, and that all important thing called… eating.

Oh, and today, well today is his 43rd birthday!

He asked me why I didn’t stop and, of course, I explained that I didn’t know it was him and its probably well and good that I didn’t. Plus, he was zonked out. He didn’t come to until they got him in the ambulance. All the good I would have done would have been to scream and cry and possibly pass out. Then again, I tend to be very organized and business-like in time of crisis. Nate once had a really bad bicycle accident, blood pouring from his nose etc. He’s hysterical, I’ve got a lady standing over me telling me it wasn’t his fault, it was mine because, I don’t know, gee, I told him to stop and he kept going.

I was the calm, cool, collected one so maybe I wouldn’t have freaked out but then again, had I seen the whole accident and known it was Jeff, yeah, I probably would have wrecked or been so shocked I would have done something stupid.

We’ll never know.

So, report cards come out today. Nate brought some of his grades up (YAY NATE!) But he still failed three glasses (OY!) But with the modifications (YAY!) And Mommy staying on his ass (BOO! or YAY! – depends on if you’re Nate or not), he should be bringing up those grades. Bad news is, he has a substitute the rest of the week who looks like… she should have stopped teaching years ago, when God was a boy. I made up a nursery rhyme about her.

Old Miss Moffit
sat on her moldy toffit
grading her papers today
when along came Nanner
sat down beside her
and scared Miss Moffit way

I’m sure she thought I was some crazed lunatic by the way I was yanking and jerking books and notebooks and crumbled up papers out of Nate’s desk. I’m a good Mommy that way. Found an English assignment he had completed and not turned in. Go Mom. He had NOTHING in his bookbag. Now, it has three books and one notebook and his assignment book, which Hannah, the dear he’s gone to school with since Kindergarten helped me fill out.

I’ll never forget the first time I met Hannah. She was (and is) overweight, a very round face, and freckles, cute though, and loves animals. She has thinned out some since Kindergarten registration but then she was very… round. And she came into the registration with a big ice cream cone, the ice cream all over her face and melted down her hand.

In other news, Nate went to the doctor yesterday and I had them do a weight/height check. He’s gained 5 lbs. yet grown an inch and a quarter since June. Technically, he should have gained a little over 6 lbs. and since he was deficit before then… that still leaves him in the 35th percentile for weight and about 60th for height. His sister is around 80-90th in both. And she’s getting boobs. *blink*

Ya’ll done? Cuz I’m done.

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Your Guardian Angels Called . . . They Want A Raise

November 7, 2005 at 5:43 pm (Uncategorized)

So, Vlad (that’s me) and Bo Peep (that’s Jeff), went to school this morning. Everything went surprisingly well and no one was put in jail. We mapped out modifications for Nate’s classroom activities and were out of there as the first bell rang. Jeff and I chatted in the parking lot and then I was off to work and Jeff to a doctor’s appointment.

I wondered why I didn’t see Jeff’s truck as I pulled away from the school but thought nothing of it. As I was traveling down the busier-than-hell main drag, I came around a small bend in the road, right before the Go-Mart I frequent and saw dust and smoke and a car, nose first up a tree, literally parallel to the tree, and then I watched it tip back and land on its top.

A man had already pulled to the side of the road eastbound (my lane) and a van had stopped going westbound. I turned at the Go-Mart and circled around, coming up almost directly across the street from the wreck. By this time, there were four or five other vehicles stopped, including the gentleman going eastbound who had done a U-E and was now outside his vehicle. I couldn’t make it across the busy four-lane so I went on to work.

At about 11:20 I got a call from Jeff’s mom. I thought she was calling about another case that I’ve been working on for Jeff’s oldest brother. You guessed it. The car I saw doing the slow-motion descend from the tree was Jeff. The reason I hadn’t seen his truck is… duh… that truck was totaled and he got another car.

Now, Providence or angels or something were watching out for both of us. Had I known it was Jeff its quite possible I would have wrecked my own car. Its also quite possible had I went to the scene and found him covered in blood and unresponsive, especially after having just talked to him at the school, that I would have passed out myself. I’m not sure what I would have done. I’m sure I would have yelled a lot and time would have stood still while waiting for the paramedics.

The guardian angel was also on Jeff’s side. While he was going eastbound, he crossed a median and the two westbound lanes of busy morning traffic (about 8:35 a.m.) and ran off the road into a grove of trees as opposed to the river. Had Jeff not been where he was, its quite possible he would have been on the secluded road toward his parent’s farm or at their farm, and not been found for a while.

Good and faithful T-Bird also got into the fray. I called her as I knew she was working at 1:00 today at the Trauma ER where Jeff was. She told me she would check on him and let me know if anything changed since I had to pick up Nate for a doc appt. at that same Trauma Hospital. Seems Jeff thanked her by having a mouth-foaming-body-jerking seizure right under her nose, which frightened her to the point she started crying and she’ll even tell you, “I don’t even like the motherfucker.”

As it stands, Jeff is still at the hospital. He busted up his ankle but didn’t break it, he has a nice gash on his forehead, and blunt force trauma to the chest, not to mention the nasty seizures that caused him to black out to start with. Oh, and did I mention he was on the phone with his girlfriend when it happened? Its been a day.

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Updates All Around

November 6, 2005 at 9:58 pm (Uncategorized)

So, I’ve been writing a lot this weekend and I’m over 11,600 strong on “Coin.” I’m hopeful that once we have this meeting at Nate’s school tomorrow, my stomach will calm down, and I can focus again. If I remember correctly, was knee-deep in school issues last year around this time and that prevented me from working as much as I wanted on “MikeyJames and NannerPeach.” Still a great story but one that requires a bit more research on bionics and stem cells than I have to give right now.

Do you notice that new addition to my sidebar? Give if you can. I don’t have much but I gave. If you are wondering what its about, see fellow blogger Jack.

And for those of you interested, here’s the update on “Coin.” Noel looks up to see John coming across the street. He’s a guy she dated briefly before. He’s a photographer and travels a lot. He gives her a nice gift of an angel pendant. Blah, blah, blah… she’s been sick, he tries to stay away, the maul each other anyway and discover, whoops, those antibiotics and birth control pills just don’t mix. (Hey, it happened to me!)

There’s much more to the story but that’s where I’m at. Actually, she’s getting ready to meet his rather large family and has a panic attack. That’s really where the story is at. Yes, there is hot sex and more to come. (Heh, I said ‘come’) However, I will leave you with, not one, but two excerpts dealing with that wonderful thing called . . . morning sickness. (If you would like to read what I have written so far, you may e-mail me at

“Okay,” he slapped his knee and sat up, “How about we order some Chinese and find a decent movie on TV?”

“Chinese? That’s not very healthy fare for a pregnant woman,” Noel raised her eyebrows at him.

“Oh, three billion Chinamen can’t be wrong. I really want Chinese. Eat healthy tomorrow.”

“Wellll,” she pretended to think things over, “Okay. I want crab rangoons really bad so order double.”

John kissed her, “That’s my girl.”

Noel’s stomach violently disagreed with the Chinese food the next morning. She came out of the bathroom with a cool washcloth pressed to her head. John was standing in the hallway, his arms crossed.

“Three billion Chinamen may be right, but this one-eighth Japanese baby says, ‘nyet’.”

“That’s Russian, babe.”

Noel stuck her middle finger in the air as she walked back toward the bedroom.

“Close enough.”


“By the way, what did you get sick on today?”

“Turkey and wheat.”

John shook his head, “You really need to stay away from that foreign food.”

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My Name Is Patience and I Am A Virtue

November 4, 2005 at 10:52 am (Uncategorized)

I taught Nate how to knit last night. He took to it with boyish abandon, wielding the needles like lightsabers, decidedly dis-delicate. Not that Nate is known for being delicate in any way.

Nate has been in a lot of trouble lately. A lot. Monday, we, meaning Jeff and I, are having a meeting with the school folks to put Nate under the 504 plan and write an IEP. If you see smoke coming from the general direction of WV on Monday around 8:15, you know what happened.

Jeff and I are both Scorpios. Say what you want about astrology, but in our situation, this can either be a very good thing or a very bad thing. Right now, we’re vibrating just a hair’s breath apart as opposed to that entire cosmos that normally exists between us. We’re both stating our feelings and trying to come to a peaceful compromise so that instead of us battling each other and the school system, we’re putting our stubbornness to work for Nate.

Its almost frightening.

Normally, Jeff is the hot head and I’m the calm, cool, collected one. (That’s relatively speaking….) Now I’m channeling Vlad the Impaler and he’s sitting there like Little Bow Peep!

Anyway, Nate likes to know how things work, why things are… that’s why he wanted to learn to knit. He wanted to know how it worked. Now he wants to make a scarf.

*Deep breath*

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“Coin” Teaser

November 3, 2005 at 7:33 am (Uncategorized)

Chapter One (‘See a penny’ section)

Noel watched a plastic bag inflate and roll down the sidewalk, occasionally skipping, as though playing an invisible game of hopscotch with the wind. Errant snowflakes played hide-and-seek with the thin grey light and flirting bursts of late evening sunbeams. Noel’s eyes began watering, so much so, she almost missed the penny laying on a forgotten patch of snow.

“What are you doing?” Noel looked up from her crouched position at her friend, Marcia.

“I’m picking up this penny.”

“Its not on heads.”

“So?” Noel brushed slush off of it, “Haven’t you ever seen Grease? ‘See a penny, pick it up, all the day, you’ll have good luck?’”

“Um, no. You know I don’t do musicals girl.”

Noel shrugged, “Just a saying.”

“Come on, let’s get you inside. You’ve been sick enough.”

Noel stashed the penny in her pocket as they continued down the sidewalk. The weather, the penny, they both reminded her of “The Little Match-Girl.” Noel had read and re-read the short fairy tale until the pages of the book it was in fell out. Still she kept them until her nanny took them from her and pressed them into a memory book.

“Nooo -EL!”

Noel’s head snapped up. Marcia was looking at her, one hand on her cocked hip.

“Have you heard anything I’ve said?”

“I’m sorry Marcia, I’m still not a 100 percent. I just . . .”

“Got lost in your thoughts, like you always do. And don’t give me that look. I invented that look,” Marcia looked over Noel’s shoulder, “Uh oh, don’t look now.”

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Na No My Wri Mo

November 2, 2005 at 8:07 am (Uncategorized)

Got a great start on my new, from scratch, novel. *Scritch* *scritch* Its tentatively titled, “Coin,” and is based on my post of October 1. I’m likin’ it. Wish my characters, Noel and John, the very best. They’re gonna need it.


This time change is kickin’ my ass.

My car has been in the shop at my parent’s place. Got it back yesterday. The bill…. oh… $450. Right about time to start Christmas shopping. Oh joy. That, in addition to the $120 I spent on a new alternator and the five, six hours T-Bird, Bob, and I spent on changing out the old alternator, and the $20 in new tools and jumper cables. Luckily, my parents covered the $450 and I’m now indebted to them for it. I hate that worse than being indebted to anyone else.

I’m fortunate I have parents who can help me and will and I’m very grateful. I just hate having to do it.

I also get paid three times this month. I figure I will still be here. I’ve sent out several more feelers for part-time writing gigs and I’m waiting to see what happens. You just never know what will show up.

I posted some of my NaNoWriMo last year and I’m wondering whether I should do the same again. Not sure. Maybe I’ll wait until I have 5 or 6 chapters done…

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Conversation, Overheard, and Whatnot

November 1, 2005 at 7:47 am (Uncategorized)

AZ: So, what’s Nate going as for Halloween?
Inanna: Darth Vader
AZ: Oh, so he’s going as his father.
Inanna: *snort*

Man: Watch that hole there.
Child: The Force is with me.
Man: Well, the Force just stepped in dog shit

Its amazing but Nate looked so much like Luke Skywalker in “Return of the Jedi,” minus the facial scarring. Normally he looks more like Anakin Skywalker right before he becomes Darth Vader but he got a haircut today. I don’t care what you say about the acting ability of Hayden Christensen, he was hot in Episode III. Schmokin’!

Get it, smokin’… HA!! You know, he gets all burned up in Episode III. Oh, did anyone not know that? Sorry. Comes out on DVD, uh, today. Oh, and Padme’ has twins. Now, everyone DID know that right? Luke and Leia. Yeah. Anyway.

Notice how everything is making it to DVD faster than ever? Especially, hrmmmmm… right before Christmas? I think they start burning the DVDs before it ever hits the big screen. Bastards. Saw the video game for “Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire” is hitting stores before the movie opens, but since everyone who can read has read Book 4, guess there aren’t any spoilers left. Oh, and Ralph Fiennes is playing Voldemort.

I’m not sure I can handle Alan Rickman AND Ralph Fiennes in the same movie, even if Ralph just gets to come in at the end. And, did anyone notice in the extras on the Prisoner of Azkaban that Neville has different teeth? I read somewhere that they make him wear prosthetic teeth and something behind his ears to make them stick out.

However, the most important thing is… the Weasley twins are legal. That’s right, Fred and George are 19. Heh. I mean, that’s fantastic for them. Being 19 and all and no longer jailbait. *blink* Forget I said that.

Well, I’ve turned your stomachs enough for today. I came, I saw, I turned stomachs. My work here is done.

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