That’s How We Roll

November 25, 2005 at 7:52 pm (Uncategorized)

Sorry about going MIA on ya’ll. That certainly wasn’t my intention. I kinda Martha Stewart-ed myself, again. That’s my version of screwing myself. Ya know, every Thanksgiving it’s something. Every. Damn. Year. This year it was 3 somethings. I’ve created a phrase to only be used on Thanksgiving, “Oh well, that’s just how we roll.” I guess that’s our version of shit happens.

I volunteered to cook the majority of Thanksgiving dinner this year. With only 5 to cook for, what could go wrong? No Stove Top and cranberry sauce out of a can, no siree, I was going to cook up a feast! Here’s where the screwing myself part comes in.

I spent a week online looking up the yummiest recipes. Everything homemade, from scratch, down to the cornbread for the dressing. I make the grocery list from hell, checked it twice, fought the crowds at the grocery store, plotted and planned what a wonderful dinner I’d create. It was really great in theory or in my delusional brain, take your pick.

Everyone hates baked turkey in the family so my mother in law suggested we get a smoked one. Yipee! A 7lb bird should feed 5 with plenty of leftovers. Ummm, smoked turkey samiches the rest of the weekend! Turkey, check. She also volunteered the dessert grub. Pumpkin and pecan pies, check. Alright, that leaves me with the cornbread stuffing, cranberry relish, gravy, twice baked sweet potatoes, yeast rolls and fancy green beans. Noooooooo problemo. Check, check, check and check. I cooked for 3 days. 3! Small South American countries have been taken over in less time!

The sister in law et. al. wouldn’t be joining us they were going to spend time with her husband’s family. At the last minute she called to say their plans had changed and they were indeed going to be joining us! Joy! Add 4 additional people, 2 of which are perpetually hungry and growing teenage boys! Did I mention she called on THURSDAY MORNING to tell us she would be coming?

With 4 additional people we ended up serving some Stove Top, along with plain mashed potatoes, corn out of a CAN and jellied canberry sauce, again, with that nasty stuff out of the can. Curses! Left over turkey? Bah! The bones were picked clean. Thank God the Sister in law brought some green bean bake! I really planned on 5 people. I learned my lesson. Next year, don’t believe they’re not coming.

I was so tired Wednesday night I fell straight into bed and fell asleep with my brand new glasses on. Did I mention they were brand new and less than a week old? Yeah, they were. They no longer have ear pieces. Both sides, broken. Have you ever been to an optometrist the day after Thanksgiving? That’s where the people aren’t!

Now if ya’ll have never been to south Texas let me explain the weather. Some Thanksgivings it’s 80 degrees, some it’s 18, it’s a crap shoot really. This year we drew the 80 degree card. We actually had dinner at my brother in laws house. He lives an hour south of here. After finishing up the final preparations, we packed the car up and headed south, dogs in tow, of course. About half way there the car A/C wasn’t feeling cold, then it wasn’t even feeling cool. Actually, it wasn’t cool at all, it was warm as hell. Honestly, it was cooler with the windows down. That’s right the A/C in my car went out! Have you ever been to a dealership the day after Thanksgiving? The people aren’t there either.

When we got to the brother in laws house he was wondering what took us so long and could we please hurry up so he can eat and leave for the hunting lease. I about shoved a yeast roll up his ass, no butter included. I looked at the Husband and he said, “That’s just how we roll.” He only understands.

It wasn’t a good day. I did get some peace and quiet in the deer blind. I think I fell asleep before dusk. I hate Thanksgiving, it’s a pain in the ass. Every year I work too hard and it’s gobbled up in 3.5 seconds and forgotten. Everyone has something else they want or need to be doing that day. Why do I bother? I can’t remember the last time I actually ate Thanksgiving with my folks. Not that I want to, but I’m just saying….Next year, I’m boycotting Thanksgiving. Someone send me an email reminder next year, ok?

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