Excuse Me . . .

November 18, 2005 at 8:01 am (Uncategorized)

while I fall off the face of the Earth. (A post in two Acts)

Act I

Things being what they are and what they will be, I must drop out of sight for a few days or rather, a week or so. Regardless, not wanting to leave you clicking and wondering, our dear Kristin has graciously agreed to take over “Anything Goes” for a short period of time.

I’m having a hard time guys and gals. When faced with so much at once I tend to hermit myself under rocks and poke people with my stinger. I just have to get myself quieted and make a plan for the future. Right now my mind is spinning in several different directions and I need some clarity and focus.

You know I’ll be checking you. Afterall, E-Lo’s having a baby and Jack is supposed to be back. I can’t miss that, now can I?

Act II

My Son . . . the Future Hostage Negotiator

I have set the law down for young master Nate. With the help of his teacher, she’s letting me know what kind of day Nate had in school utilizing the



Simple, aye. One for attitude and one for work. So, the law goes something like this.

Smiley faces = no restrictions (enough = reward)
Straight faces = 1 hour restrictions FOLLOWING the completion of homework
Frowny faces = losses all privileges for that evening

I know what you’re thinking and I thought of it too, what if he gets a combination of faces? Too bad he thought of it as well.

Our conversation went something like this:

Mom: Nate, I can’t make you like school, I can’t force you to write anything on a piece of paper, but I can make you responsible for your actions.

Nate: MOM! You ARE forcing me to do my work in school!

Mom: No, I can’t force you to do it but I can show you the consequences of not doing what you’re supposed to.

Nate: You ARE forcing me!!

Mom: Nate, I can’t force you to be enthusiastic, I can’t force you to like it, but I will make you responsible for your attitude and actions.

Nate: *sulk* *light bulb!* Well, if I get a straight face and a smiley face, then that would only be a half of an hour of restriction.

Mom: *thinks to self – DAMN BRAT!! How did he get so logical???? Goddamn it!!* Fine Nate, you want to negotiate, huh?

Nate: *Laughs at Mom*

Mom: Fine, fine, you think you can negotiate with Mom, huh? You want to combine the smiley and the straight face to negate your punishment huh? Fine, let’s negotiate, let’s compromise. You have to give me something. Let’s say *Nate’s face is wary* if you get a straight face and a smiley face, the punishment will be reduced by half of an hour, BUT, if you get ONE frowny face, just one, doesn’t matter what the other one is, you get total restriction.

Nate: Okay.

Mom: And no more negotiating. If you attempt to negotiate the time of your shower, your bedtime, or anything else when I tell you to do something, you will be on total restriction.

Nate: Okay.

Mom: You should be a hostage negotiator when you grow up.

Nate: Why?

Mom: Because they would put you on the phone and in five minutes he would give up out of irritation. That’s a good thing, dude.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

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