Rewind

September 2, 2005 at 10:56 am (Uncategorized)

I was reading over my old blog posts because I just felt like it and thought, Damn, I can be pretty funny when I want to be. I found a few that I wanted to resurrect and maybe bring a smile to some faces when smiles are in short order. I thought I would re-write this a bit and make it more understandable.

What I write in italics is what I was THINKING.

“What ever is in quotations is what was SAID.”

Channeling Jim Morrison

I answer phones on roll-over at work. That means the receptionist is stuck with someone and the phone ring and rings. It’s a chance you take picking it up, afraid it might be that client you’ve been dodging. I usually try and disguise my voice. Today, I got a guy who said, “I gotta sort of a wierd question.”

God, I love these.

He said, “I was divorced in ’98 in Florida,” immediately I’m thinking, Good, I’ll refer him back to Florida. Bad me.

“Well, my ex-wife called to let me know her dad died and the estate is worth a couple million dollars.” Ooooookaay.“Now, why would she do that? Her dad and I were always on good terms.”

Be damned if I know mister since you called a law firm instead of a psychic hotline, but I’d try like hell to get back in her good graces.

“Well sir, perhaps you were named in the will.”

“I didn’t think of that.”

Damn, but I did!

“Me and him were always close. Just because I divorced her don’t mean I divorced him.” Oooookaaay

“Sir, did she just call and say, ‘hey, my dad died, he’s worth 2 million?'”

That’ll teach ya for divorcing me!

“No, no, matter a fact, we talked for 4 hours and cried together. See, she never got along with her dad very well,”

So much for the inheritance, dump her!

“And I broke on through to the other side,”

Whooaaaa, serious 60’s drug use here causing him to channel Jim Morrison, “so it really patched things up with them.”

Awwwwww…

“Sir, I think maybe since you and her dad were so close that she wanted to talk to someone who loved him as much as she did. She needed to make a connection with someone who would understand what she was feeling,”

I am SO good!

“Yeah, yeah, I think that may have been it.”

Then why the fuck did you just waste 5 minutes of my time?

“Thanks for clearing that up for me. I really appreciate it.”

Not a problem, Thursdays are always my most psychic days.

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