May 27, 2005 at 10:22 am (Uncategorized)

This is it. One year ago today I started this blog with a post called Signal Ahead. I had intended this blog to be a place I could post my literary efforts. It became a journey of self-discovery and personal growth. I don’t know how many posts I have, only that it’s a lot.

Before I got ready to write “Clothesline” yesterday I had planned to post about my meeting with the school and my discussion with Nate’s current babysitter. Trust me, school cannot come to an end quick enough for either of us. I applied for a scholarship for Nate to attend the high-end YMCA summer day camp which is directed activities with children in his age group with a theme for each week . Its $500 a month. The deposit for him to attend is $475. We were turned down for the scholarship. Not one dime.

Tears welled in my eyes when they called to tell me. I was able to steady my voice enough to ask about the deposit and when was the last day I could pay it. The woman on the phone didn’t do a very good job of disguising her surprise that I was still interested in the program. This is not a sleep-away camp in the Hamptons, it’s a day camp in West Virginia. Get over yourself lady. I think it was her attitude that since I hadn’t qualified for the scholarship program that I just couldn’t and wouldn’t place him in the program anyway.

I got news for Ms. Priss. This just happens to be a month where I have THREE PAYCHECKS. So, I will have her funky ass deposit. If I didn’t think this program might have the potential of helping Nate a great deal with his social skills and self-esteem I wouldn’t do it. Now, how am I going to pay the $500 a month bill on this? Working a lot. Luckily, pre-camp and post-camp are included in that bill so I’ll have plenty of time to work to keep him there.

As far as Nate’s current babysitter, after June 7th, I hope I never have a reason to ask her to watch my son again. Her girls, especially the oldest, are mean to Nate, gang up on him, and she constantly wants me to believe that her almost four year doesn’t understand that she shouldn’t take things out of his hands and she can swat and smack around on Nate but when he retaliates then he’s the one who has to always give in or make concessions. She says she doesn’t make differences between the kids but I can obviously see that she does.

Its been a long time coming but when she asked me, “Well, were you able to get him into another program, you said you were going to.” It was, again, the tone of her voice, the look on her face, that powerful wave of …. I just don’t like your kid because he doesn’t fit in my box … feeling. I turned back to her and said, “Yes, I did. You won’t have him much longer.”

I try to look at this objectively. Is Nate an asshole kid? I know how he can be. I know his anxiety can make him behave in ways that are irritating at best but he’s not a mean kid. He gets his back up pretty easy when he’s made fun of and I know the babysitter’s daughters, especially the oldest one, get their jabs in behind Mama’s back… because I’ve heard them and then of course, she excuses them for it because of their personalities, yet Nate is made to tow the line? Bullshitbullshitbullshit.

Of course Nate has the Goldilocks Syndrome (sorry Kim), he wants everything just right. At the same time, its sad. I can’t be honest with him when he asks certain questions. This morning he asked why he had to go to Jackie’s instead of his dad’s or Lori’s (his sister’s mom). The truth is, they don’t want him. They’re too busy for him. He’s too much kid to take care of. Its too much trouble. It interrupts their lives. Asking either of them to do anything has become a, “Can’t Lori/Jeff do it?” Yet, they have no trouble expecting me to change plans or assist in watching the kids at any given time.

Last week, the babysitter was off with her youngest daughter’s tonsillectomy so I needed help with after school care and since I had already paid the babysitter once I really couldn’t afford to pay AGAIN. His dad said he would help but then HIS mother got pissy because then she would have to take over turn out for their greyhound kennel so then Jeff said he couldn’t pick Nate up. I then have to leave work, drive the 15 miles to the school, pick him up, drive him to the greyhound farm, and then come back to work.

So, Jeff’s mother is on my shit list. Her snide comments about me have come back around. I guarantee I won’t be jumping up to help her when she comes asking, which she has in the past.

I attended a meeting on Nate’s testing at the high school. This was to get an IQ and to see where he was academically. So, he has a Superior IQ. Of the individual IQ scores, the highest was 125 in abstract reasoning. That helps me understand him better. How he thinks. Naturally, his lowest scores were in anything timed and anything written. I asked about written expression dyslexia, which they danced all around but never quite got their groove on. I asked if there was some way I could help him.

The woman sitting to my right snapped at me.

“You can’t cure him. He has a diagnosis of ADHD. This is a common problem with kids like that.”

I wasn’t sitting close enough to kick her, nor punch her. I looked her in the eyes with my best “fuck you” look until she turned away. I figured it was a waste of my time. I still didn’t find out what I needed to know. I think they just don’t care. Its like they act like they care but then they don’t care. What is up with that? And why do I allow myself to become so frustrated that I don’t force them to explain why he won’t be tested for dyslexia? Because I was distracted and not as prepared as I should have been. I’ll review the criteria again and see if he meets it. Then start over.

I’m glad summer is here.

Thanks for being here. Peace.

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