Things I Thought

March 14, 2005 at 9:41 pm (Uncategorized)

*Ring* *Ring*

Nanner: (looks at Caller ID) *groan* Hello

Sperm Donor: Didya get that newspaper?

Nanner: Yeah, its out in the car.

SD: Whatta you mean its out in the car?

Nanner : I mean, numb nuts, its out in the car.

Nanner: I went and picked it up this morning and forget to get it out of the car. Nate and I got busy. I’ll have Nate go get it.

SD: What the fuck is wrong with you?

Nanner: I was young and stupid and co-dependent… got no other excuse.

SD: Your son’s name is in the newspaper and you can’t fucking be proud of that?

Nanner: Geeeee… your son was BORN and you refused to sign the paternity papers… let’s talk about proud here fuckerrrrrrr.

SD: I… I… saw it this morning and I’m sorry I wasted my time fuckin’ callin’ you.

Nanner: Damn, what is that under my fingernail… gross… Oh yeah, sorry you fuckin’ called me too putz.

SD: You can’t fuckin’ just get the goddamn newspaper!

Nanner: You can’t get a life?

SD: Heh, well fuck you bitch. I never had my name in the newspaper.

Nanner: Excuse me? How ‘bout when you were arrested for assaulting your girlfriend? How easy we forget.

SD: So my parents could tell me how proud they were.

Nanner: I’m beginning to see the reason for that.

SD: You never fuckin’ tell him your proud.

Nanner: Fuck you Jeff. You don’t know what I say.

Nanner: *Note to self* Call Trashman.

SD: I see I fuckin’ wasted my time calling you. I fuckin’ wasted my time.

Nanner: And you have now wasted 10 minutes of my time that I will never regain. You’re also using my oxygen. You’re so pathetic.

Nanner: Nate, your dad’s on the phone.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
What was so important, you ask? Why was I being such a bad parent? Because they list the bowling league scores every Sunday from the previous week. All 400 of them. Nate’s name was about this big squished among 399 other names, with his bowling score beside of it.

I’m all for praising my son. There is such a thing called “false pride.” Making a big deal out of something very small, which the child then knows is over blown. Nate looked at me as I was leaving the room, giving me that, “MOM!! Come and get him off the phone” look. I shook my head. He nodded his vigorously. I shook mine vigorously as he answered, “Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh.” I skulked off to the computer room but Nate was not to be outdone.

He followed me two minutes later. “Yeah, okay, uh huh, uh huh, yeah, okay wellIgottagohere’smymom.”

Nooooo… I shook my head at him and he shook his head at me and pointed at the phone. I rolled my eyes and took it from him.

You done?

Yeah.

Bye.

*Click*

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