T-Bird vs. Kansas City

December 28, 2004 at 11:37 pm (Uncategorized)

Jeeezus Keee Riiiizzt… I’m bad. I think bad things. I’m so bad.

T-Bird hasn’t had a phone for a good long while… unless she uses her neighbor’s phone. Such a fucking blessing. Now, she has a phone. Goddamn it to hell and back. Here is one of our typical conversations.

*What I’m thinking*
I: Hey. Fuck!
T: Hey. What are you doin’?
I: I just walked in the door 2 nanoseconds ago. What? Were you watching for me?
T: Blah, blah, blah… (20 minutes) Oh and J., he just can’t wear those pants anymore. They are too snug on him. He likes his clothes loose.
I: Uh huh. I think his mother likes to think he’s the tallest biggest five year old that ever walked the planet.
T: We have to get one of the cars fixed because the truck doesn’t have any heat and J. just can’t ride around in a cold vehicle. You remember how sick he was last year with the flu? He didn’t move for three days. You know that’s just not like him.
I: Uh huh. Goddamnit I KNOW, since you’ve told me twenty fucking times since last year.
T: So, I told the Ex-hubby that he’s just going to have to get that heater fixed because J. has to be bundles against the cold. He just can’t get the flu again this year.
I: I don’t worry about shit like that. Colds and flu are caused by bacteria and viruses not being cold.
T: Oh, well, I know.
I: Then why the fuck do you insist on continuing with the coat, mittens, toboggan, snow suit, blanket routine? Nate walks around in a jacket flapping open 99% of the time, hell, the brat still runs next door barefoot in 30 degree weather. HE didn’t have the fucking flu last year! Not even a fucking cold. Oh, I’m gonna pay for that
T: So, its going to cost $550 to fix my car. Do you think I should?
I: Ummmm… If you want to drive anywhere!
T: We don’t know how much its going to cost to fix Ex-hubby’s truck but he needs brakes pad, calipers and tires. But my car needs seals (yada, yada).
I: Fix the one that will cost the least amount of money to have the safest vehicle. Duh!
T: Well, he is going to need new tires and they’re going to cost more for the Blazer.
I: Then get used tires until you can afford better and stop trying to get me to say that YOUR car is the one that should be fixed because even though YOU’RE not working and the ex-hubby is supporting you.
T: Well, he has to get the heater fixed too.
I: So is it the heater itself or the blower?
T: Its the blower.
I: Same thing happened to my old car. The guy at (place) put a toggle switch on for 15 bucks or so.
T: Well, D. said he would put a switch on it for us. Then what the fuck are you making such a big goddamn deal out of it for. Again, I’m not going to say that your car needs fixed so you can run around while your ex works.
T: Well, I can’t take J. to preschool. I don’t give a shit. Take him to the one down the street that you can walk to instead of the one 15 miles away.
I: Nate had a doctor’s appointment. He’s grown an inch and a half since June and gained a pound. He’s up to 56 now.
T: Ha! Well J. weighs 51. He’s in the top percentile for his age group. Yes, I know.
I: I’m just glad Nate gained some weight along with the height. His pounds are hard fought. What I can’t understand is if he grew that much but didn’t gain that much then how are his pants getting tight?
T: Oh, I know, J. just can’t fit into a thing, I’m going to have to go to 7’s, they are a little big on him (a lot), but he just doesn’t like tight clothes.
I: Then buy him husky size.
T: Oh, well, I don’t think they start making husky until size 8.
I: I wouldn’t know.
T: I told my brother that J. would just run circles around his three girls and he didn’t believe me until he saw it for himself. I know!! This has GOT to be the 100th time you have told me this for cripes sake. When not on medication, my son can run circles around ALL FOUR!
T: Well, I told ex-hubby he needed to get heat in his truck because J. just can’t ride in there and it as cold as it is. I can’t afford for him to be a sick as he was last year. You know he didn’t move for three days. That is SOOOO not my son. You know how active he is. He can run circles around my nieces. I just can’t find a thing to fit him and he’s growing out of his shoes every three months (goddamn, he should wear a fucking 13 men’s shoe by now) And you KNOW the only reason he isn’t in Kindergarten this year is because he didn’t like the guy who gave the test for Kindergarten placement. I KNOW!!! And he knows his numbers to ten in Spanish. No shit, so does the little girl at the end of my block, oh wait, she speaks Spanish fluently and so do her brothers, ages 3 and 5.
I: Yeah, I think that’s pretty standard in preschool now. I know Nate learned that in preschool.
T: Well, J.’s teacher said he really needs to be in Kindergarten but you know he didn’t do well on the test because he didn’t fucking like the dude who gave him the test.. Goddamn it yes I know that!

And people wonder why I’m flying to Kansas City to meet my blogger friends instead of driving a mile down the road to see T-Bird.

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