Synchronicity/Answers To Unasked Questions

November 9, 2004 at 1:31 am (Uncategorized)

*Yep, this is the standard, Sexual Content Ahead, warning. Proceed at your own risk, blah, blah, blah, yada, yada, yada. If you think I’m crazy, eh, I know already… m’kay?*

I’ve been on someone’s mind today. Now that the connection has been forged again, we’re linked and he’s invaded me all day. Questions, questions, questions.

First things first.

1) I was supposed to be in Boston this weekend.
2) I wasn’t going to go to this bar, I was only going to the Gallery until my boss said I should go down and introduce myself to one of his friends that works there.
3) I had never been there before.
4) Neither had he.
5) I almost left twice before I saw him.
6) When I looked into his eyes, I knew why I was there.
7) I was there to be with him.
8) Forces were at work
9) Spirits were chattering
10) Damn

There’s more to it than that. Like, how I’ve never even been to a gallery opening or anything but I saw the card and decided I would go. I made a point of getting dressed up, skirt, heels, make-up, hair. I will tell you about how my stomach never turned over, or fluttered in anxiety as to what might happen after we left the bar. I knew we would be together. I will tell you about how he kissed me outside the bar, held my hand and kissed it repeatedly. I will tell you how I felt zero nervousness, which is highly unusual for me. Really. Even being the goddess I am. The only flutter I had in my stomach is when I was lying naked on the bed waiting for him. It wasn’t just a good fuck… it was much more. A dangerous more.

Questions (that I sensed from him today)

1.) Why am I alone? Why have I never been married?

A. Because I’ve never found a man a) worthy of me or b) who can handle me. Plus, I love deeply and choose poorly. I react on emotion instead of intelligence. If I reacted on intelligence I would be fucking Bill Gates right now instead of Melinda and I wouldn’t even contemplate seeing you again.

2.) Do I want to see you again?

A. Of course I do idiot!

3.) Do I think it’s a good idea?

A. No. Sparks are one thing, raging infernos are another. Not that I’ll turn down your inferno but I’ll not seek it. It will have to come to me. I think you know it too and its scary.

No more questions… just answers.

Yes, I know you will not be in a threesome with me and Blackie… you’re too jealous. You hate the thought that he and I might get together anyway.

Do not ever tell me who I can and cannot fuck. You can ask politely that I refrain from spreading the love around, to which I would probably gladly acquiesce as long as you’re taking care of me. But if you ever, EVER, tell me I CAN’T do someone, figure on me doing just that. No one tells me what to do. I’ve lived under enough insecurity and tyranny in my life for many lifetimes and the bitch in me won’t take it and the goddess won’t allow it.

Do not expect me to put my heart on the line for you. Period.

I don’t want to hear about your wife. I always said if my man was going to fuck around, then he better not be dissing me to his ho and since I’m the ho, don’t diss the wife.

Indecision sucks honey and I know you’re back and forth about what you should do and what you want to do. That’s okay. I can be a patient woman because I know you will be back. I wish I could just say it was the sex. But let’s pretend okay? Let’s pretend its just sex, otherwise we’ll find ourselves with the bottom knocked out from under us and we’ll start drowning in it.

And since its just sex, let’s talk about what I want. I want you to tell me how you want it. Because that turns me on. Better yet, tell me what you’re going to do to me right after you tie me up and blindfold me.

Ack! I forgot THE RULE!! THE RULE!! How could I forget THE RULE???

THE RULE: Treat me like a lady if others eyes can see us and if other eyes are gone, then treat me like the whore I am.

Now, back to what I want. I was just a bit disappointed *pout* that you didn’t take the opportunity to come in my mouth. It was very, very, very sweet to ask where I wanted you to come… and I said anywhere, maybe I should have been more specific. Let’s start with: in my mouth and then… my breasts… and then the small of my back and my ass (I loooove that feeling) Then I want you to come on my face while I’m kneeling in front of you. I think that is soooo hot. Let’s face it, it would be hot to feel you come anywhere on my body.

Most definitely I want that big cock between my breasts and I want you to squeeze my nipples when you do it, oh and don’t forget to prop the pillows up so I can lick the head. And I promise when we do it doggy style and reverse cowgirl, I will turn around and kiss you, because I know you like it. I know you like kissing a lot during sex.

Then of course, there’s anal sex. It takes a lot for me to offer up the tenderest parts of my body for sweet, succulent abuse but you got me hot for it. You just rub me all the right ways. Rub me a few more. And I know you’ll be gentle at first, because that’s the kind of person you are. I know it would break your heart to hurt me.

You strayed away from your heart once and it almost killed you. You couldn’t hide how the cruelest things in life made you feel subhuman and you came home. And its that heart that reached out to me, then and now.

I know I’ll have to tone it back on occasion and become your true lover. The passion and intensity with sweetness minus the nasty. I know that’s what you like. You like to kneel behind me and kiss my neck and shoulders as I pull my hair to one side, one hand on my breast, the other on my clit and you’ll make me soar. You like intimacy, face to face sex, kissing. I wish I had kissed you just one more time. But I will…

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