November 1, 2004 at 6:39 pm (Uncategorized)

When I put my bra on Saturday morning I thought I had grabbed an old one so I took it off to check the tag. Shit. 36D. I had to put it on anyway but noticed I was now filling it out quite a bit more than normal and that little poof in my belly was very evident, much to my chagrin. No, its not that time of the month. It’s the dreaded week before, when PMS kicks in. No wonder I’ve been such a bitch.

This is the time of the month when a 36D just doesn’t cut it. I’ve entertained the thought of buying one bra in a 36DD, just for this one week out of every month. It doesn’t help that the moment this phenomena occurs my breasts become so sore I want to cut them off with a hacksaw. It must feel better than this. Wearing a bra hurts. Not wearing a bra hurts. The only upside is they do seem to be a bit perkier. Of course they’re perkier, they’re sticking out three inches more. My wonderful water balloons, literally.

This morning I get up at the frightful hour of 6:15 in order to work on my novel, check Nate’s literary efforts and lament the fact I have no cigarettes. I’m wearing a skin tight sleeveless shirt and a pair of frumpy sweatpants. I put off the trip as long as I can until I throw a jacket on and head for Go-Mart. See, I’m a bit bashful about walking around without a bra on in front of people I don’t know, hence the jacket.

I walked up to the counter and talked to my cousin, Gabe’s grandmother, and when I turned to leave the gentleman standing to the side of me, stepped out of my way, looking directly at my chest. After I’d gotten past him I looked down. My jacket had fallen to the side and my breasts were jutting against the sleek material in full high beam mode. Being not just endowed with breasts, but also nipples the size of gumdrops, I just wanted to die. All I can say is, I’m glad it wasn’t cold. I might have put his eye out.

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