Inanna’s Bar & Grill –> Caution: Sexual Content Ahead

October 17, 2004 at 1:22 pm (Uncategorized)

This post is inspired by El Sid. I’ll be drinking while blogging, althought not sure if I will get the drunk part. I only have a 1/3 of a 1.5 liter of wine left. Damn.

Here are the official drinks of Anything Goes:

Wine: Right now, Classic Burgundy… its all I got.
Beer: Eichbaum. Its a German beer, its my favorite beer. There is no other beer close to it in my heart. I’ll drink a Bud (Regular, Light or Ice) if you bring me one though.
Liquor: Tequila, preferably Jose Cuervo Tradicional. Freeze it for about two hours, then shoot straight from the bottle. Makes the whole world go away… for a long time.
Soft Drink: Dr. Pecker, I mean Pepper.
Coffee: Coffee is coffee to me. I hate Starbucks. I think its the most bitter coffee I’ve ever drank. I don’t like it. Give me Maxwell House anyday, black. I only have cream when I have coffee from somewhere else.
Tea: Morrocan Green Mint. Makes me feel great.

I could go on with Sports Drinks and shite but… nah. Let’s get to the good stuff.

I’ve had some recent experiences that I’d like to share with you. Not like I don’t share enough. Anyway, about a month ago I went to Jamal’s to get a pack of cigarettes but Jamal wasn’t there. The young man who waited on me was obviously Middle Eastern, probably Lebanese, because Jamal is Lebanese. Anyway, he had this really, really cute accent too and he was really, really good-looking. I can’t remember why he asked me what sign I was. It wasn’t anything cheesy, it just happened in the course of the conversation. He may have had a birthday recently.

Anyway, before I could answer, he said, “Scorpio.” I was like, “Yeah, but how did you know?” (Just to clarify, Blondie here did not produce an ID and my tat was covered.) He said, “Because Scorpios, ” he raised his hand to his face, “you talk,” and I said, “with my eyes.” He said, “Yes.” And he smiled, which was really, really, really nice. I found myself wondering if he would like to date an infidel. Yes, I assumed because he’s Middle Eastern that he is also Muslim. He may be Christian, but either way, I’m still an infidel.

Who knows, maybe he was wondering the same thing. Maybe I should go find out. But what I wrote about Gene Simmons yesterday reminded me of what that cutie said to me that day.

One of my male friends (with benefits) gave me the most glowing of compliments the other day. He said he had never, never, never, ever had a blowjob like the one I gave him. Now, that just makes me want to do one better. Nothing like a challenge to top yourself.

One of my ex’s told me I was a cocksucking whore in the bedroom and I took that as a supreme compliment.

A guy friend asked me what I thought one of the major problems with men and sex was. I said, “They’re not giving me enough of it.”

For some women, I guess it is about size, but its not for me. Its all about Pubic Bone Placement. Good PBP = Excellent orgasm, or at least potential. I was once with a guy who I call “Bic Dick.” Yeah, a regular Bic lighter had a little more on it than he did. Oh, and he was built like a linebacker otherwise. I was hoping he was a grower but no, he was a shower. Didn’t matter… he had excellent PBP and we had awesome, wild, uninhibited, S&M, bondage sex. The only drawback was he was too short for doggy style, but he made up for it.

I’ve been with two guys who were a lot more amply endowed than others. Much more. For some reason, both thought they had Bic Dicks, especially one of them. Pay attention! No women likes having her cervix slammed. Unless they just really like feeling like men do when they get punched in the balls. If I say it hurts, don’t tell me you’re “tiny, little dick” couldn’t be hurting me and then proceed to shove my ovaries into my throat. You will be dismissed. And no blowjobs for you!

I feel sorry for men. Truly. Men, the wind blows, they are ready. Women, could take three minutes, could take three hours. I’m easy. When I’m ready, I wrap my legs around you and say, “Take me, I’m yours.” And it doesn’t take three hours, nor three minutes, but a lot closer to three minutes than three hours. My mind tends to be waaaaay ahead of my body though, so, saying that, its one of the many, multitude of reasons I like going south… It makes me hot and it makes the guy hot, but he’s pre-occupied and he thinks he’s getting all of the goods so it doesn’t seem like foreplay to him, because that would mean he’s actually “taking care” of some perceived need I have. I have a need for your cock in my mouth… that’s what I have a need for.

*This portion of my post is dedicated to Trashman, since he wants all the trash on me*

I’ll just be honest and say when I read on Steve’s blog about him getting a blowjob, I was downright jealous. Of the girl. Oh yeah, I’m sure you’re saying that I could find some guy to blow. You’re probably right but then I have to worry about him never leaving me alone again. I’m not much for guys giving me oral sex. Its okay but I prefer going down on him or just knocking boots. I’m not one much for the “making love” crap either. Throw me to the mat and do me… m’kay? There’s only one guy who actually got the picture and knew, alternately how to tease the hell out of me, and how to slam it home without breaking the bat or shoving my ovaries into my throat. God I miss him!!

And, tantric sex is all well and good, really. I find the breathing exercises to be especially helpful in prolonging orgasmic delight but for God’s sake, get off the “multiple orgasm” thing!! Women all over the world just let out a collective groan for me saying that. “But we like multiple orgasms!!” Who doesn’t?? I do. But I also don’t feel the need to knock boots for two freakin’ hours because he wants to feel like he’s the Rocky Balboa of sex. I’m really, really happy with tiny little orgasms as he sucks and bites the top of my shoulders in doggy position okay? That drives me absolutely fucking crazy!!

But then, get out of the way!! Let me have my over-the-top, can’t breathe, can’t speak, ripping-the-pillow-apart orgasm, follow me shortly, then shut up and spoon me. And no, I do not want to talk about how good it was… ummm, that should have been pretty evident because I’m not exactly quiet leading up to it. If you have to get up and go potty, do so, but not 3 seconds post-orgasm. That’s just bad form. If we’re using a condom, I’ll forgive you for that.

And… I have a new rule for lovers. If you think enough of me to do me and I think enough of you to do you, then stick the fuck around. I understand that at times its hard to actually sleep with someone in a strange place but I guarantee that I didn’t just pick you up in a bar and you don’t know my last name. You’re someone that I’ve gotten to know fairly well and happen to be able to tolerate. Do not diss me by walking out after I just fucked you. You will not be fucked again, you will never feel my mouth on your dick again and I guarantee you will miss it.

Furthermore, if you have a problem with me giving you head while I’m on my period, then you have waaaaay too many issues.

Gooch just commented and said its the age old conundrum, wondering how a girl got sooo good at giving head. Well, its not like I’m boasting of a multitude of lovers but I think, in my case, it has to do with just enjoying it, wanting to please and improving upon the perfection. LOL!!!

Which leads me to my most current conundrum…. I swallow, which I guess most guys thinks is hot or rocks or whatever, but… doesn’t that get to be a bore??? What if he wants to come somewhere else?? I have a bad habit of getting completely caught up in what I’m doing and don’t ask the question when I know its getting close… shame on me!!! See, still have some improving to do…. ;o)


  1. evilsciencechick said,

    Wow! You are wild, girl!

    I don’t think you have to have had a lot of lovers to be good at giving head. I think you’re right, it has to do with enjoying it. And I enjoy it very much! 😉

  2. Inanna said,

    I KNEW there was a reason I liked you!!!! Oh wait, that didn’t come out right…

  3. Trashman said,

    I think both of you wonderful ladies should be role models for all other women to pattern themselves after.

  4. Jamie said,

    Niiiice post! I agree with Regan. The more you enjoy, and just want to make him mooaaan, the better he says it was later!

  5. Gooch said,

    In answer to your question, no, it never gets boring.

    Plus, who wants to be having a discussion at that point in the procedure?

    So you have nothing to improve on.

  6. Tricia said,

    I wonder what we could get out of you if you had a whole bottle?

    Whoo Hoo!

  7. Zelda said,

    Damn Inanna. You almost make me wish I was a guy. But I think guys like the swallowing thing because it is rare for a girl to do it. I can’t. I wish I could, but I can’t. I tried once, but it just wouldn’t go down and I kept retching. If I spit, I’m ok. Any advice?

  8. Inanna said,

    Trashman — Hee hee…

    Jamie – Thank ya my dear. Perhaps we should give classes???

    Goooooooch!! – Thanks for weighing in on that concern of mine…. perhaps I should just take matters into my own hands, literally, and see what happens.

    Ah Tricia, I was about half lit when I wrote the first part and hungover when I wrote the second part. What the REALLY good stuff? Wait until I get toasted on Tequila for my birthday…

    Zelda – Hey, at least ya tried!!! That’s hard to determine… if its taste then make Jethro eat pineapple and a lot of it, easiest thing I know to make a guy “sweeter.” TRULY!! And if possible, fresh pineapple. Second, I would suggest deep throating it as much as possible at the last possible moment and literally trying to swallow the whole thing so you bypass the taste buds. I suppose it feels damn good for him too. If its not taste but consistency… uh, no help there. There’s only one guy who got the spit treatment and its because a) he was really, really, REALLY salty, and I hate salt and b) the consistency was just absolutely nasty, clumps and globs… YUUUUUUCK!!! I suppose he should have drank more water. :o) Perhaps it’s a mental block??? And Zelda, sometimes you make me wish I was a guy!!!

  9. Trashman said,

    OK Inanna that last comment was way too much information. LOL You girls should talk about taste and consistancy thru email. LOL

  10. wontonfoey said,

    First time at your site and I’m laughing my head off…no pun intended.

    I’ve dated a Kurish man who worked in an American store…started from me buying smokes–the religion wasn’t an issue, he was very conservative in aome ways.

    I never knew that this “head” thing was such a big deal…I thought all girls gave their boyfriends head! I always did…I mean if you love (or even like) someone isn’t it a nice thing to do? They can’t reach it themselves!

  11. Esther said,

    This post made me laugh!
    I have no problem swallowing, as long as it’s not an expectation.
    Oh gawd, and the guys with big dicks that just do not understand it’s actually damn uncomfortable.
    I fully agree with the idiots that are quite happy to shag, but then jump up and go home. That’s when I start “washing my hair” every day for the next 10 years.

  12. Inanna said,

    Trashman – Demanding, demanding, demanding…. Inanna chili don’t have beans, that’s Yankee chili, whine, whine, whine, post about giving head… now this? I think Inanna will be the one cracking the whip here…. LOL!

    Wontonfoey – That immediately reminded me of Hong Kong Foey, loved HKF as a child… anyway, welcome to the jungle. I think the peeps around here are a bit more liberal than standard Americana… please, stop and see me again!

    Esther – Your comment made me laugh!! And thanks for the alternaword – Shag, I like that.

  13. pc said,

    Hey girl, this post looks very familiar. Like a conversation you and I had recently. But I will chime in on what you and I haven’t discussed.

    Swallow, PLEASE!!! I don’t know why us guys like it like that, but we do. Maybe because I don’t like the idea of a girl spitting out what looks like a big white loogie.

    But then again, I’ve only been blown by one girl and she did swallow, so I never had to worry about the alternative.

    And sorry that I haven’t mentioned the new girl. It’s kind of a new development and we’ve only been going out for a couple of weeks. I should be home this evening, so I’ll IM or call you.

    And I did try returning your phone call, but you weren’t home either, so twwwpt! 😉

  14. Inanna said,

    What? A couple of WEEKS!!! What the hell? I’ve seen you in the past couple of weeks, haven’t I? WTF? Anyway, okay, was it Skinny Ass who did the blowing, I’m almost sure it was, seems like the thing for her to do,sooooo, are you telling me your ex-bitch-wife didn’t blow? (More disgust) I am so going to kick her ass if I ever see her again.

  15. pc said,

    Believe it or not, it was ex-bitch who did all the blowing. She was pretty good, actually… deep throat and everthing. Skinny Ass never did want to wait long enough to blow me, she wanted to be rode right now. She would blow me for a few seconds, never long enough to get me off, then she would climb on top and go for a ride.

    The Saturday you came to the church for the concert was the first weekend we went out. She was there, but I didn’t get a chance to introduce you because she was talking to someone else and you had to leave so quickly. She was standing in front of me though, if you remember her.

  16. jp said,

    If I wasn’t in love before, I am now…ass over teakettle…..

  17. Jethro said,

    I read this while I was at school. Others were looking over my shoulder and were telling me to scroll down! you read too slow!

  18. Inanna said,

    LMAO!!! That’s funny man! Take them to Vader’s… kicks my ass by a long shot!

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