Trouble In Da ‘Hood

October 1, 2004 at 9:35 am (Uncategorized)

*This post is brought to you in part by the rock groups Skid Row and Twisted Sister and The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton*

Youth Gone Wild

Since I was born they couldn’t hold me down
Another misfit kid, another burned-out town
Never played by the rules I never really cared
My nasty reputation takes me everywhere
I look and see it’s not only me
So many others have stood where I stand
We are the young so raise your hands
They call us problem child
We spend our lives on trial
We walk an endless mile
We are the youth gone wild
We stand and we won’t fall
We’re the one and one for all
The writing’s on the wall
We are the youth gone wild

Yesterday evening I sat at my desk delicately stringing 1/16th of an inch beads on a needle a width of a strand of hair (that would be Cooter’s bracelet), when through my trusty “megaphone” (that would be the A/C vent) I hear the makings of a fight in front of my house. (Hint: A/C vent is good way to spy on kids). I stood up, ready to disperse and dismiss when I heard the hurried patter of feet, the door opening, closing and the lock turning. Then silence. I waited for TLC to being banging on the door as normal when he is mad at Nate. Nothing.

“Nate, what are you doing?”
“Playing my game.” So innocent. I should have known something was up. A hush fell over the neighborhood.

A few hours later I heard a knock on the door, a female voice I didn’t know and Nate came in the computer room. I hate things like this.

Rattlesnake Shake

Juicy Miss Lucy always diggin’ on junk
She’s on the corner talkin’ trash with the punks
Her buried treasure is so easy to see
‘Cause talk is cheap and so is she

I was familiar with the woman standing at my door, although she didn’t know this. She looked no different than any other time I had seen her. Polyester pants a size too small, dirty white T-shirt and hair so greasy it looked wet and ready to drip. Her son, BRAT2, stood by her side with a smug look on his 8 year old face.

She acted very calm and concerned about what had happened earlier that day. Ah ha.. the screaming. Seems that her son, BRAT1, had come by on his bike and wanted to play with Nate and TLC. Nate has been specifically instructed to NOT play with these kids and to tell them to leave. This made BRAT1 mad at the boys so he did something to them. What ensued is that TLC gave BRAT1 a solid thunking whap with something on the leg, thank goodness, sorta.

Concerned mom is now at my door, scoping the place out to see if I possibly have money or good homeowners insurance. This is how I know her… our firm represents her and her son, that’s right, BRAT1.

18 and Life

Ricky was a young boy, He had a heart of stone.
Lived 9 to 5 and worked his fingers to the bone.
Just barely got out of school, came from the edge of town.
Fought like a switchblade so no one could take him down.
He had no money, oooh no good at home.
He walked the streets a soldier and he fought the world alone
And now it’s
18 and life
You got it
18 and life you know
Your crime is time and it’s
18 and life to go

BRAT1, 2 & 3 run the streets like gutter rats. They are either following or being followed by their Cuz. The Cuz stole my bike, Babysitter Neighbor’s daughter’s (Whitney) bike and TLC’s bike. Cuz and BRAT2 then told Nate, through the fence at school (since Cuz is 21) that he was going to beat up Whitney and set fire to their house. Yes. So, Nate informs on Cuz and BRAT2 and the nabes go to the cops who give us the song and dance about, “We can’t do anything until they do something to you,” “Yeah, we know they steal bikes…etc.” I told said police officer that if I found Cuz, his pals or otherwise around my house or the nabes on either side I would call them to come pick up the body.

Our four houses sit in a row, very close. In those four houses live seven children between the ages of 12 and one year old. The cops can kiss my ass if they think we’re just going to wait for something to happen.

Piece of Me

Sleazin’ in the city
Lookin’ for a fight

As ye bloggers know, I’m really no Betty Badass like my nabe. I hate face-to-face confrontations. Not this time. I calmly informed Concerned Mother that her children were not welcome on my block. Were they go, trouble follows. That pissed her off. Now, this all concerned shit didn’t phase me a bit. I know trash. She’s it and her family is it. She was there to see if she could get something out of this scenario.

BRAT2, standing there running his smartass mouth was ready to get a full blown dressing down from me when Concerned Mother sent him packing to the car. I told her all the trouble that we had with Cuz (her nephew) and her three boys, the threats etc. She immediately backed down and said she didn’t know we were having all that trouble. I also told her a) the police are aware of it and b) I know who you are… as in, the LAW FIRM I work for represents BRAT1. My, my how things change.

I told her that I do not advocate kids hitting each other or violence and that I would speak to my boys, Nate and TLC about what happened but in the meantime she needed to keep her BRATS at home, off my block, off the fucking railroad tracks and basically to leave us the hell alone… or else they’ll get more of what they already got.

The Outsiders

They walked out slowly, silently, smiling.
“Need a haircut, greaser?”
The medium-sized blond pulled a knife out of his back pocket and flipped the blade open. I finally thought of something to say.
I was backing up, away from that knife. Of course I backed right into one of them. They had me down in a second. I fought to get loose, and almost did for a second; then they tightened up on me and slugged me a couple of times. So I lay still, swearing at them between gasps. A blade was held against my throat.
“How’d you like that haircut to begin just below the chin?”

Concerned Mother was dispersed and dismissed and left with a “boys will be boys” attitude, which didn’t fool me the least. As I shut the door and watched her tail lights through the window I turned to that little blonde boy on the couch, intently pushing buttons and casting spells on his PS2.

“It wasn’t me this time.” A-ha, so the little shitter knew what it was all about. I asked him what happened and he said that BRAT1 came by, the boys asked him to leave, he got mad, grabbed their “swords” and tossed them onto the railroad tracks. TLC belted him with a pipe. A PIPE?? WTF?? Where did he get a pipe?? What is this?? The Outsiders????

After my initial shock I contemplated popping next door to discuss the situation with TLC’s mom but decided that although I don’t condone violence or kids hitting kids, sometimes you – a) have to stand up for yourself and when you do; b) it has to be in a “language” that the opposing party will understand. I’m proud TLC took it upon himself to stand up to BRAT1. Now, one of two things will happen. BRATS 1, 2 & 3 will take it that we’re serious about keeping our neighborhood and stay away or they’ll be back to cause more trouble.

Let’s hope they little “heart-to-heart” I had with Concerned Mother will be enough. I think though we’ve established… “We’re not gonna take it!” – Twisted Sister.



  1. Trashman said,

    TLC should have kept beating Brat1 until there was nothing left to beat. Sounds like you live on my block.

  2. AJ said,

    Geeze Louise Inanna! That’s a screwed up situation. I wish you didn’t have to deal with it but applaud you for taking the bull by the horns.

    You go, Mama Bear!


  3. AJ said,

    BTW, another couple of ones like that and you’ll be catchin’ up to me word-wise in no time! *LOL*

  4. Zelda said,

    Good job. It sounds like you handled that beautifully. I hope they stay away from you.–>

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