ALERT! ALERT! Bennifer 2 Comes to Town!

September 22, 2004 at 2:22 pm (Uncategorized)

A Jennifer Garner/Ben Affleck siting has rabidly made its way around town. Yes, the new Bennifer was right here on the street I work, less than a block from me and yes, I missed it!!!!!! However, it appears as though Jen had brought the Mr. Affleck home to meet the fam. The clerk at the coffee shop was so excited she short-changed him $10.00. She called the Garner residence and they said to just put it in an envelope and they would spend it the next time around. Big news for such a little place like us. So much for “no comment” from their reps. You heard it here first folks!! Its official now!!

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Nate and Old Don

September 22, 2004 at 9:25 am (Uncategorized)

Nate

Had the first PTO meeting last night and open house to meet Nate’s teacher. No, she’s not Old Don. Her name is Valerie. Its the first teacher at that school to actually act enthusiastic about her job. She was also the first one to tell me how much she enjoyed Nate, how smart he was and how much she could tell he wanted to do things and to please her. Unfortunately, he has a hard time with that. She readily accepted my suggestions, the same ones I made last year to his other teacher, to improve his focus etc. I will be giving him a topic every morning to write about in journal. She’ll be using a blank piece of paper to cover up the page so he’s not lamblasted by having all that space or X number of problems to stare at. Reminders everyday and a list that will be taped on his desk to help him out.

I also point blank told him how I could tell he had improved with certain things and how much better he was doing. But, we still needed to work on it. His biggest problem is writing. He has trouble getting the thoughts in his head through his hand. Also, he can’t slow his mind to light on one thing to write about so he wastes time trying to figure it all out. Then he falls behind, then he’s pressed for time which makes him anxious and nothing gets done. Its a hell of a life for a kid. But, the things that we are putting into place will hopefully help with that. Not to mention, Mom said if he doesn’t put forth a little more effort, NO PS2.

I understand why he’s the way he is. Duh, I know where he got it from. But, I will not tolerate not even putting the date on the fucking paper. THAT PISSED ME OFF!!! And he knew it too. I said, “that shows you’re not even trying, that you’ve given up.” He got that severely guilty look on his face. Yep. Mom says, “That will not be tolerated son. We don’t give up.” He’s been caught. Ha! So… we’ll see how this works out. Its just a shame that a kid in the 3rd grade who reads on a 6th grade level can’t put the date on a piece of paper. Yes, that was a shameless brag on my child. Deal with it.

Old Don

This morning on the way in to work, I saw Old Don. Old Don used to ease a big yellow school bus up to the road in front of my house and take me to kindergarten. Over the years he took me to school rain, snow, sleet and shine. Yet, over the years, his nerves got the best of him and he was no longer able to deal with a busload of smart-mouthed teenagers and retired on disability. For numerous years I didn’t see him or hear of him until one day, while out for lunch in the downtown, I saw a man shuffling along. He appeared to be homeless, grizzled white facial hair, a jacket in the heat of the day, a cane to help him walk.

It was Don. He saw me too and a huge smile spread across his face. I went up to him and into his open arms and I was a little girl again. He laughed and pushed me away from him. “My goodness,” he said, “what happened to that little girl I used to take to kindergarten?” So, we talked about where life had taken us. I told him about my son and he told me about his grandchildren. He had suffered a minor stroke, hence the shakiness of his hands and the cane. He lived in the big city now, probably at one of the local assisted living facilities.

My, my he had certainly gone down hill from the last time I saw him. He also suffers from arthritis in one of his hips and he tries to walk as much as possible to keep things running smoother. He is a man with many physical problems and I know, disappointments in his life. But the light of God shines in his eyes. He’s always smiling and happy to see me.

For a long while I didn’t see him at all and I was concerned. Found out later he had a serious bout with pneumonia and was laid up for quite a while. Just the other day, I saw him on the street again, smiling and bragging about the birth of his new grandson, asking about my folks and my brother. He tells me to let them know he asked after them and that he prays for them. Being around Don is like walking into a ray of sunshine even on the darkest days. He reminds me how much I have to be thankful for and how even through adversity, the spirit can triumph.

I saw Don this morning, sitting on a bench close to my office. He raised his hand and waved and I waved and yelled, “Good morning!” It was indeed a good morning because I was touched by his sunshine.

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Nate and Old Don

September 22, 2004 at 9:25 am (Uncategorized)

Nate

Had the first PTO meeting last night and open house to meet Nate’s teacher. No, she’s not Old Don. Her name is Valerie. Its the first teacher at that school to actually act enthusiastic about her job. She was also the first one to tell me how much she enjoyed Nate, how smart he was and how much she could tell he wanted to do things and to please her. Unfortunately, he has a hard time with that. She readily accepted my suggestions, the same ones I made last year to his other teacher, to improve his focus etc. I will be giving him a topic every morning to write about in journal. She’ll be using a blank piece of paper to cover up the page so he’s not lamblasted by having all that space or X number of problems to stare at. Reminders everyday and a list that will be taped on his desk to help him out.

I also point blank told him how I could tell he had improved with certain things and how much better he was doing. But, we still needed to work on it. His biggest problem is writing. He has trouble getting the thoughts in his head through his hand. Also, he can’t slow his mind to light on one thing to write about so he wastes time trying to figure it all out. Then he falls behind, then he’s pressed for time which makes him anxious and nothing gets done. Its a hell of a life for a kid. But, the things that we are putting into place will hopefully help with that. Not to mention, Mom said if he doesn’t put forth a little more effort, NO PS2.

I understand why he’s the way he is. Duh, I know where he got it from. But, I will not tolerate not even putting the date on the fucking paper. THAT PISSED ME OFF!!! And he knew it too. I said, “that shows you’re not even trying, that you’ve given up.” He got that severely guilty look on his face. Yep. Mom says, “That will not be tolerated son. We don’t give up.” He’s been caught. Ha! So… we’ll see how this works out. Its just a shame that a kid in the 3rd grade who reads on a 6th grade level can’t put the date on a piece of paper. Yes, that was a shameless brag on my child. Deal with it.

Old Don

This morning on the way in to work, I saw Old Don. Old Don used to ease a big yellow school bus up to the road in front of my house and take me to kindergarten. Over the years he took me to school rain, snow, sleet and shine. Yet, over the years, his nerves got the best of him and he was no longer able to deal with a busload of smart-mouthed teenagers and retired on disability. For numerous years I didn’t see him or hear of him until one day, while out for lunch in the downtown, I saw a man shuffling along. He appeared to be homeless, grizzled white facial hair, a jacket in the heat of the day, a cane to help him walk.

It was Don. He saw me too and a huge smile spread across his face. I went up to him and into his open arms and I was a little girl again. He laughed and pushed me away from him. “My goodness,” he said, “what happened to that little girl I used to take to kindergarten?” So, we talked about where life had taken us. I told him about my son and he told me about his grandchildren. He had suffered a minor stroke, hence the shakiness of his hands and the cane. He lived in the big city now, probably at one of the local assisted living facilities.

My, my he had certainly gone down hill from the last time I saw him. He also suffers from arthritis in one of his hips and he tries to walk as much as possible to keep things running smoother. He is a man with many physical problems and I know, disappointments in his life. But the light of God shines in his eyes. He’s always smiling and happy to see me.

For a long while I didn’t see him at all and I was concerned. Found out later he had a serious bout with pneumonia and was laid up for quite a while. Just the other day, I saw him on the street again, smiling and bragging about the birth of his new grandson, asking about my folks and my brother. He tells me to let them know he asked after them and that he prays for them. Being around Don is like walking into a ray of sunshine even on the darkest days. He reminds me how much I have to be thankful for and how even through adversity, the spirit can triumph.

I saw Don this morning, sitting on a bench close to my office. He raised his hand and waved and I waved and yelled, “Good morning!” It was indeed a good morning because I was touched by his sunshine.

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What Do We Really Know?

September 21, 2004 at 9:44 am (Uncategorized)

*Morticia is home. The Lonely Child saw her creeping out from the crawl space under his house and as Nate and I came onto the porch to go retrieve her she was already coming home. I’m sure she’s pregnant. It just can’t be any other way. Kittens anyone?*

Now, on with the show.

I hate doing political posts. I sincerely do not have the time to do research of every point I would hope to make. However, I do have an opinion, which is mine fully, about how the American people are regularly mislead by the media. I’m ashamed that a news program would air material that has not be thoroughly fact checked. I’m ashamed that a major American newspaper would do the same thing.

So, what do we really know? Who should we believe? The major news sources? The Onion? Michael Moore.com? Should be fly to Saudia Arabia and personally interview them to see what relationship they have with President Bush? Should we poll each and every person in the United States to see who they would vote for for President? How about we also ask how many of them actually plan to vote??

I’ve always heard, “consider the source.” I don’t give a crap about President Bush or Senator Kerry’s war shit. I’m worried about issues NOW! I hear, “President Bush vetoed XY&Z while Govenor of Texas” or “Senator Kerry consistently voted against XY&Z in the Senate.” Okay, but why? Anyone who has studied our legislative system knows that those wily Senators and Representatives will stick anything on the end of an important bill to get it to pass.

Folks, wake up. Bills in the legislative arena that are being discussed and in committee are not just “Veterans’ Bill 400” or “Clean Air Act 2000.” Its “Veteran’s Bill 400… oh and cut the quality air standards in Coal Mines and make it illegal for Veterans to sue for medical malpractice.” The same for the Clean Air Act. I’m sure if bills were kept just bills for specific purposes they would pass. But NOOOO… some assmonkey has to stick a bunch of other shit on the end of it that could spell disaster.

Imagine that the Clean Air Act 2004 would prohibit dumping, yada, yada, oil drilling in Alaska, blah, blah, but someone nicely tacked on the end of it that abortions would now be illegal and punishable by death of any living children you have or your parents. Would you sign that bill into law if you were Govenor or President??? Would you vote for that bill if you were a Senator? That’s why some things don’t pass in the legislative arena folks. That’s why they’re vetoed at the Executive level. That’s why they go to the Supreme Court, or the judicial branch of our government.

So much for your Political Science lesson today. I’m saying, its not enough to just listen to the rhetoric of who signed what bill and who didn’t vote on something else. If you really want to know, look up the bill and see what was tacked on the end of it. Then see if you agree with what decisions were made by John Kerry to vote against it or for President Bush to veto it.

Don’t take our media’s word for shit. We’ll never have a straight story folks. Read the 9/11 Commissions report. Visit the websites of the candidates. Read differing news sources. Its the only way to get a true overview of what is going on in our country. I believe the White House memos are also available somewhere. I did read the budget for 2005 and then the projected cuts in the budget for 2006. Find them, read them. This is where your country is going. No, I’m not doing it for you. Get out there, do some research and form a real opinion.

And as I commented on Jack’s blog, I really want to know what the relationship between the Saudi’s and the Bush family is. Speculation doesn’t do much for me but it does make me suspicious that certain things seem to have been continually swept under the rug. I want to talk to the guys who served with John Kerry. Not only that, I want their opinion as to why there are so many differing opinions of what happened. Unfortunately, until I become a journalist and get that press badge, I’ll not have that opportunity. Its not going to change my mind one way or the other, I just want to know.

So folks, I’m not going to get into a good old fashioned argument about whether Bush or Kerry should be voted in for President. I’m just asking, “What do we really know?”

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What Do We Really Know?

September 21, 2004 at 9:44 am (Uncategorized)

*Morticia is home. The Lonely Child saw her creeping out from the crawl space under his house and as Nate and I came onto the porch to go retrieve her she was already coming home. I’m sure she’s pregnant. It just can’t be any other way. Kittens anyone?*

Now, on with the show.

I hate doing political posts. I sincerely do not have the time to do research of every point I would hope to make. However, I do have an opinion, which is mine fully, about how the American people are regularly mislead by the media. I’m ashamed that a news program would air material that has not be thoroughly fact checked. I’m ashamed that a major American newspaper would do the same thing.

So, what do we really know? Who should we believe? The major news sources? The Onion? Michael Moore.com? Should be fly to Saudia Arabia and personally interview them to see what relationship they have with President Bush? Should we poll each and every person in the United States to see who they would vote for for President? How about we also ask how many of them actually plan to vote??

I’ve always heard, “consider the source.” I don’t give a crap about President Bush or Senator Kerry’s war shit. I’m worried about issues NOW! I hear, “President Bush vetoed XY&Z while Govenor of Texas” or “Senator Kerry consistently voted against XY&Z in the Senate.” Okay, but why? Anyone who has studied our legislative system knows that those wily Senators and Representatives will stick anything on the end of an important bill to get it to pass.

Folks, wake up. Bills in the legislative arena that are being discussed and in committee are not just “Veterans’ Bill 400” or “Clean Air Act 2000.” Its “Veteran’s Bill 400… oh and cut the quality air standards in Coal Mines and make it illegal for Veterans to sue for medical malpractice.” The same for the Clean Air Act. I’m sure if bills were kept just bills for specific purposes they would pass. But NOOOO… some assmonkey has to stick a bunch of other shit on the end of it that could spell disaster.

Imagine that the Clean Air Act 2004 would prohibit dumping, yada, yada, oil drilling in Alaska, blah, blah, but someone nicely tacked on the end of it that abortions would now be illegal and punishable by death of any living children you have or your parents. Would you sign that bill into law if you were Govenor or President??? Would you vote for that bill if you were a Senator? That’s why some things don’t pass in the legislative arena folks. That’s why they’re vetoed at the Executive level. That’s why they go to the Supreme Court, or the judicial branch of our government.

So much for your Political Science lesson today. I’m saying, its not enough to just listen to the rhetoric of who signed what bill and who didn’t vote on something else. If you really want to know, look up the bill and see what was tacked on the end of it. Then see if you agree with what decisions were made by John Kerry to vote against it or for President Bush to veto it.

Don’t take our media’s word for shit. We’ll never have a straight story folks. Read the 9/11 Commissions report. Visit the websites of the candidates. Read differing news sources. Its the only way to get a true overview of what is going on in our country. I believe the White House memos are also available somewhere. I did read the budget for 2005 and then the projected cuts in the budget for 2006. Find them, read them. This is where your country is going. No, I’m not doing it for you. Get out there, do some research and form a real opinion.

And as I commented on Jack’s blog, I really want to know what the relationship between the Saudi’s and the Bush family is. Speculation doesn’t do much for me but it does make me suspicious that certain things seem to have been continually swept under the rug. I want to talk to the guys who served with John Kerry. Not only that, I want their opinion as to why there are so many differing opinions of what happened. Unfortunately, until I become a journalist and get that press badge, I’ll not have that opportunity. Its not going to change my mind one way or the other, I just want to know.

So folks, I’m not going to get into a good old fashioned argument about whether Bush or Kerry should be voted in for President. I’m just asking, “What do we really know?”

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Trip Report

September 20, 2004 at 11:07 am (Uncategorized)

* This post will include descriptions of female full frontal nudity, flatulence and lust. If you believe you may find such content offensive, please check back tomorrow for PG rated material*

Definitions:

* Air time – the amount of time your butt stays off the seat during negative G.

* ERT – (Exclusive Ride Time) when the park shuts down to regular customers and allows coaster groups to ride certain attractions.

* Lift hill – when the coaster is pulled up the hill by a chain or other mechanism under the coaster.

* Launch – when the coaster does not have a lift hill but is literally “launched” by a hydraulic or similar system.

* Trim – the braking mechanism on a coaster on the track that slows the coaster and makes the ride smoother.

* Trimming the trim – disengaging or decreasing the trim mechanism to make the coaster go faster for crazy coaster enthusiasts.

* Woody – a wooden roller coaster.

* MF – Millennium Force

* Rollback – when the hydraulics on Dragster don’t boost enough and instead of the coaster topping over, it stops and rolls back. It is designed to do this in case of hydraulic failure.

DAY ONE – LET’S KICK THE TIRES AND LIGHT THE FIRES

After an extremely rainy trip where we saw flooding from Ivan, we finally turned west on I-80 outside of Cleveland and relished the clear skies. After stowing our luggage at the hotel we hit Cedar Point with one coaster in mind – Top Thrill Dragster. It was 7:15 as we made our way to the yellow penis of CP. Yep, that’s what it looks like. No wonder the women talk about Dragstergasms.

Beanie and her coaster buddies were in contact via cellphone. My first trip on Dragster was sans glasses as I didn’t have a strap to go on them. It was probably a good thing. One coaster guy in line was riding for his 395th time!! And yes, as Bunsen mentioned, they have very strict ride requirements.

As we stepped up to the gate, Dragster went down. Sigh. After a 20 minute delay it was ready. We strapped in, seat belt first then lap bar. We taxied up to the starting area that has the Christmas tree lights.

We shifted and rolled back slightly as hydraulics hissed. From the rollback to start is five seconds.

Yellow
Yellow
Yellow
Green

Within four seconds we are rocketing 120 mph down the track to a 90 degree lift hill with a 90 degree turn peaking at 420 feet. You barely have time to look around before you’re plunging 90 degrees down the other side, twisting through a 270 degree turn and you finish. WHOOOO HOOOO!!!

Then we rode it again, which was better the second time since I knew what to expect. Yet this whole time it was dark and I was blind.

Then it was on to Magnum XL-200. We start up the lift hill and as start down the 60 degree hill drop is feels as though we’re nose over ass as we drop 195 feet. We hit the first of three tunnels and at some point banked hard to the left and felt like not only me but the whole coaster was coming off of the track. Tunnel two saw flashbulbs as the online ride photos were taken. Bunny hops (small hills) and the final tunnel and bunny hop combined (aaaaahhh), massive air time on this ride!

WOW!! This was by far my favorite coaster. I like long coasters. It is right up there with Son of Beast at PKI (Paramounts Kings Island) although SOB is a woody and rougher than Magnum.

Finally its off to Millennium Force. MF has a fast lift hill due to an elevator cable system and a 300 foot drop at 80 degrees on the other side… OMG!!! A rush too, even compared to Dragster. 122 degree overbanked turns…. geeeeeeezzzzzzz!!!! HOLD ON!!! Wow, the G forces on those turns are incredible at 92 mph.!! It doesn’t last as long as Magnum but definitely worth doing again.

It was close to 11:00 so we headed back to the hotel to meet up with our roomies, April from OH, a friend of Beanie’s who I had met once before and Jodi, who was flying in from CA and driving from Cleveland. It was the first time Jodi would meet any of the coaster enthusiasts in person.

Girl talk would ensue for the next few hours and I finally gave up and crashed. ERT on Dragster and Raptor was to begin at 6:30 a.m.

DAY TWO – TURN AND BURN BABY, TURN AND BURN!!

Ugh! Great weariness and bleary eyes saw us traipsing through CP at the ripe hour of 6:45. We picked up our Coastermania buttons and took off for Dragster. This time I had a tight strap on my glasses and it was daylight.

Let me tell ya, the first ride on Dragster after watching a rollback was intense. “Are we gonna make it?” We did, both times. After finally being able to see, I wondered if I was had seriously lost my mind. WOW!!!!! It was like the first time all over again.

We headed over to Raptor, an inverted, outside looping roller coaster. The seats are similar to those at sky lift and use lap belts and shoulder harnesses or “butterflies.” Wicked, wicked with your feet dangling and looping on the outside of the track as opposed to the inside through six upside down turns: one vertical loop, two inverted corkscrews, a zero gravity roll and a “cobra roll” which turned us upside down twice. (Yeah, I’m stealing descriptions from the CP site, sue me)

We went to the Coastermania picnic where Jodi won a grab bag for writing a poem about MF filled with about $150 to $200 worth of merchandise. Afterwards we went back to the hotel for a little R&R before ERT on Magnum and MF.

I died for 3 hours.

We had meant to be back to the park by 6:00 to take pictures and pick up a few souvenirs but it was closer to 6:30 as we parked on the back lot and went inside. I took pics of Dragster, we found April and the three of us hit the Beach. We took pictures and I ran around scaring seagulls and wading in Lake Erie. The weather was INCREDIBLE!!! Beautiful. Just gorgeous.

I stowed my stuff in a locker and we got in line for Magnum ERT at 8:30. OMG!!! After the first ride in which the hair on my scalp was almost pulled off, we found out they had trimmed the trim to 0%. NO BRAKES!!! That bitch BOOKED!!! HOLY SHIT!!! They also had the lights out so it was extra spooky trying to see in total darkness the next turn or bank, not to mention the tunnels and bunny hops. It ROCKED!!! It was a lot rougher due to the speed but coaster enthusiasts don’t care. We probably rode it 10-15 times in a row. I mean, WHAT A RUSH!!!

One of the reasons I rode so much was because I was in total and complete lust with one of the ride ops… slurp!! A young stud muffin named Michael from Poland. I just wanted one hour of he and I in my hotel room alone. YUM!!!

Finally we headed over to MF for ERT. We had to wait about half of an hour, which was the longest wait we had all weekend. Riding MF in the dark rocked as well, especially since I could see, well, sorta.

At last, back to the hotel about 11:00 to freshen up, then to meet coaster peeps for a beer and food. That didn’t happen as the whole city of Sandusky shuts down their kitchens at 11:00, unless its Steak and Shake. We just wanted a beer so Mike from CA, Beanie and I went to a bar across from the hotel. Beanie barely made it through a beer and headed back across the street. Mike and I sat and chatted before I left. What a nice guy!!!! Not our Mike either, a different Mike from CA. LOL!!!

So, its Beanie, Jodi and I sitting around talking, trying to wind down when April comes barreling being her normal self and suddenly lets one rip!! We laughed so hard we could barely breath. April said she had gas from the compression of the coasters and we’re trying to instruct her on how to move it around so it can be expelled. (And peeps thought only guys did that shit). We had her leaning on the back of a chair and she let another one rip!! LMAO!!! Then we were trying to get her to lay on the floor and pull her knees back to her shoulders but she wouldn’t do it.

April starts changing clothes and loudly proclaims that she can suck her own tit. LMFAO!!! She said, “Do you wanna see?” I said, “Hold on, let me put my glasses on,” which caused Beanie and Jodi to hit the floor. So she does it and I said, “Well, I can do that!” She said, “Let’s see!” So I did. Then we talked Jodi into it!!! We laughed so hard we couldn’t breath. Beanie isn’t as well endowed as we C and Der’s so she was spared. More girl talk ensues until once again, I pass out.

I met tons of great peeps, ate great food and rode other coasters I didn’t get to here. It was an AWESOME TRIP!!! Well worth the time and money. Whew! Now, back to the grindstone. Welcome back bloggers! How was your trip?

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Hiya!

September 17, 2004 at 9:22 am (Uncategorized)

Thanks to everyone who responded to my last post. Since my Net is down for the most part at home, I’m unable to respond in a reasonable amount of time.

Just wanted to say… PC, I should have probably used that crowbar on Joy.

Anyway, this will be short and sweet as I’m trying to appear to be working very hard prior to my noon departure for home to complete packing etc. for my trip. Hopefully, we will be leaving about 12:30-1:00. I have been running around like a chicken with my head cut off and naturally became involved in my latest project as opposed to showering, changing litterboxes (5 of them), packing, washing and drying clothes and otherwise acting responsible.

I bought a denim purse and have started sewing designs on it. That’s what distracted me. I promise pics! Although I did get the clothes washed and dried last night I still had those 5 litterboxes this morning, filling up the food, cleaning and putting fresh water in the new water system and, oh, yeah, packing, not just for me, but for Nate to go to his dad’s too.

Nate is done, I’m almost there. I did find a roll of film for the trip while looking for an umbrella. The rain is not too bad here but 30 miles south it has been raining since 9:00 a.m. yesterday. Its surprisingly warm and there is no wind.

I have to sneak this in. Yesterday as Sissy and I were having lunch on the second floor of a local eating establishment, a jet flew over so low it rattled the windows. It scared the crap out of me. I kept waiting for the crash. YIKES!!!

Morticia, the little slut, has escaped the confines of my home, once again, and is no where to be found. Normally she roosts under the porch or a car and comes in when she gets hungry or scared or wet. Well… no Morticia. Its my guess she’s off romancing every stud within a 1/2 mile radius and will come limping home smelling like the whore she is, pregnant with another passle of kittens. Yes, I know I should have her fixed already. This is why I keep her in the house.

However, my fucktard neighbor who came over to borrow pepper last night… yeah, fucking pepper, is the one who let her out. It appears as though their son learned from them that even though I have said 1/2 a million times, SHUT THE FUCKING DOOR!!! They seem not to understand this concept. I mean, I’m sure that if I told you guys DO NOT LET MY CATS OUT!!!! that you would probably understand this concept. I’m sure if I yelled five to ten times a day at you to SHUT THE FUCKING DOOR that you would also understand this concept.

So, now I’m getting ready to go back to Ohio, which is where I went when my dog escaped and has not been seen since. Sigh. Oh Morty, Morty, I hope you’re okay.

I won’t see you guys until Monday!!!! Whaaa!! Miss me, I’ll miss you!!!

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Jealous?

September 16, 2004 at 8:57 am (Uncategorized)

Personally, I believe uncontrollable jealously is one of the most destructive human emotions.

Jealousy can be understood in two ways. (1) When someone is praised, a feeling of coldness and resentment are developed in our hearts. We compare ourselves in mind; we match ourselves in thought; we imagine ourselves to be superior. In other words, it is the thing that takes joy out of heart. (2) When someone is unfairly criticized, someone stumbles or falls, we feel glad; we keep silence; we don’t express either sympathy or empathy. In other words, it is the thing that takes compassion out of heart. Therefore, jealousy is poison that kills joy and compassion in our hearts. Alexander Whyte, the great Scottish preacher, said, “Jealousy can blacken the depths of our hearts,” and that means, it can invade the heart of the best.”

I bring this up for a few reason. One being the conversation I had with Beanie last night about her brother. We discussed my feelings for him and she told me that his girlfriend is very, very jealous. Ah ha! That’s why he didn’t say two words to me at Christmas last year. That’s why he’s so much more flirtatious in our letters. That’s why I felt a tidal wave of jealousy and hate flow over me, from her, even though we had never met before.

I learned from AZ, that its okay to be jealous but to not let that jealousy control you. I learned that also from my own family. My Ma-Ma, love her heart, was one of the most jealous women I have known. My Pa-Pa was completely devoted to her. I mean completely! Their’s was a love beyond time and space, yet my Ma-Ma would freak out if he was gone for two minutes longer than he was supposed to be. She flew into a rage one time over it. I remember it well.

My mother, likewise, either inherited this trait or simply picked it up along the way. It consumes her life. I believe it is at the root of her actions towards me in my life. I’ve listened to it for so long, it became difficult to discern from jealousy and everday conversation. Now though, I know the difference. There is no joy in her life for anyone else’s accomplishments. She gloats at others misfortunes, especially if she feels as though they deserved it for being better than her or happier or prettier or smarter or anything. It just doesn’t matter.

I’m not sure when I moved from unhealthy jealousy to healthy jealousy. This website describes it as such “One drop of joy plus jealousy becomes obsession which is self-sustaining and self-invigorating energy. In other words, it is the ability to choose your conflicts wisely. If the conflict is draining, the lower aspects of jealousy and obsession are activated, then you could become petty and ineffective in the world. If the conflict is invigorating, your concerns are clear and you are able to take action.

Joy is based in the heart center. Concern, courage and obsession are all matters of the heart and combine to make up your emotions and insight. Once your mind, body and spirit are filled with joyous acts, let the events fall away. The joy remains, so take that joy to every aspect of your life.

* In a moment of fear, draw upon your joy and allow your concerns to be expressed.
* In times of anger, draw upon your joy to become courageous and take effective action.
* Choose conflicts that invigorate and are self-sustaining.
* In a moment of jealousy, draw upon your joy and become possessed by your passions.
Let yourself focus on your goal; dare to create what you want and deserve. Allow your joy to provide you with inspiration, information and insight into your own process. Let your emotions heal you.”

I think what I highlighted above is what I learned. When the emotion of jealousy starts, to draw upon the joy. Feeling as I have about AZ and feeling as I do about Jer, I don’t feel any jealousy toward their girlfriends. I draw upon the joy of having them as my friends and realizing that I have a relationship with them that is special in its own right. Even when I was with Lex, who everyone upon everyone knows, just like AZ, and he was hugging girls left and right…. it didn’t matter. Actually, I still get a little more jealous when AZ diverts his attention elsewhere. LOL!! But not because its the person, its simply because I would like a few moments of his time.

That’s what I get jealous over. If you give me a few moments of your time, great! If you constantly put me off for something else, yes, I’m going to get jealous. In other words, push me and I’ll get there.

In the last couple of years I have encountered the type of jealousy that is very unhealthy. One time was with my friend PC’s wife, now ex-wife, thank goodness. I had never met her before when PC’s mom called to let me know they were coming in for Christmas. Just some background, PC and I dated for three months back in 1992 or so. Then, we just became friends. Then we found out we were actually third cousins. Hahahahahahaha… yeah, well, I was like family anyway.

PC’s family treated me like family before they ever knew I was family. They treat Nate like their own grandchild. He calls them Nanny and Poppy. I was very happy for PC, that he had found someone and was getting married, until I met her, Joy. No, that’s her name. Joy. Talk about an oxymoron!!! I’m not even sure she said hello when we met. I was ignored by her and PC the rest of the time I was there. I was shocked. Nanny was shocked and angry.

As PC and Joy’s wedding approached, Nanny and I talked about where it was etc. etc. Then, I wasn’t invited to the wedding. OUCH! I mean, OUCH!! Nanny was PISSED!! She told me when they had the reception here that I was going to be there and I was going to look beautiful!! Yes, ma’am. Nanny is a not just a Christian but a Christian who lives the life and I had never seen her in such a tizzy.

Long story short, PC and Joy divorced and PC and I have mended fences and I didn’t smack him with a crowbar. He and I talked about her jealousy toward me, even though we had never met and I certainly was no threat to her and PC’s relationship. She never even tried to get to know me. That’s what pissed me off.

Same with Jeremy’s girlfriend. She had never met me. I’ve known the family for 20 years and yet she made me feel as though I was an interloper and not just Jeremy, but the entire family, belonged to her and I wasn’t welcome. I didn’t do anything but exist. That was obviously too much. The one thing that makes me sad about these types of situations is that the males in question, PC and Jeremy, feel some sort of compulsion to put up with this type of bullshit. I was ignored because they didn’t want to deal with the repercussions of talking to me.

So, everything with Jeremy makes a lot more sense than it did before. I’m not changing who I am for his girlfriend. I was run off once before and I won’t be run off again. Not only that, but Beanie told me last night that she believes, as I do, that Jeremy has a crush on me too and has had one for about 20 years…. LOL!!! This doesn’t mean things will work out for us, girlfriend or not, but it is nice to know and may be something we could build on if things don’t work out with him and her.

Here’s hoping you experience the joy in your life today!!! And may the Spirits of Light be with the victims of Hurricane Ivan. Thank you Spirits for watching over my family. Ivan bobbled at the last minute and spared them.

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Update On UPS Guy And Other Shite

September 15, 2004 at 12:09 pm (Uncategorized)

UPS Guy and I went out a week ago yesterday for lunch, again. This time I pulled my balls out of my abdominal cavity and just blatantly asked him what he wanted out of what we had going on. I wasn’t ruling anything in or anything out at that time. I may come across as having “big balls” but when it comes to a face-to-face confrontation that may turn ugly, ugly, I really need deep breaths to force words out of my mouth.

Anyway, so he says he’s not looking to get married or have more kids, not at all for any reason. Okay. I told him that I was not ready to rule out children in my future and I didn’t feel that I was ready to engage in a relationship that would not include the possibilities of such. Additionally, I didn’t believe in continuing to allow him to buy me lunch, take me out, so to speak, if it wasn’t going anywhere. So, then he says that he would still really like to see me, liked me. I sorta liked him to at that point. Then we left the restaurant.

I was smoking a cigarette and since I know that he doesn’t smoke, I didn’t want to get into his car with a lit cigarette. He says, “Oh, go ahead, I smoke pot in here.” Hmmmmm… so we engaged in a conversation on the way back to my office about his pot smoking and cocaine use. Yeah, cocaine use. Now, its only when his son isn’t around, which is approximately 24 days a month. Perhaps only every other weekend. To each their own, but not around me. Wanna smoke pot ocassionally, I don’t care, just stay the fuck home and take your chances as to what might be mixed up in there. As I’ve said, I smoke pot about once a year, if that. Can’t say much there.

Wanna do cocaine? I really don’t want you around. I’m not into people doing drugs around me, especially what I consider to be the harder stuff. I definitely don’t want to waste my time on some peep who is out partying his ass off when I want to have a real relationship. I was still considering going out with him, even though we weren’t in the same place as far as family etc., but after he told me that, I just decided, we’re better off just dropping it here.

He got the message and we haven’t communicated since. I’m glad he told me because I would have been really pissed if I had found out two or three months from now. My personality is such that I know I have an addictive personality, that’s why I’ve never done anything harder than pot. Those days are pretty much over. Having a co-dependent personality, I definitely do not need to be around anyone who uses drugs, whether they be addicted or a “recreational user.” Its just bad for me. The “I’ll fix you! I’ll fix you! Syndrome” just sucks and is not for me anymore. I have to be very careful about that. Not that I don’t want to help peeps but I’m not a savior.

So, enough of that. Finally got my eyes checked yesterday. Let’s see…. corneal abrasions, corneal hypoxia, conjuctivitis. Yeah, so no contacts for me for a week and then we’ll see. They were able to make me a pair of glasses while I waited. I look like I’m ready to start lecturing on the theory of relativity. I like them. One of my contacts had a very, very small tear in it that was basically digging into my eye everytime I blinked. YIKES!!! and yuck! So, will have to suffer my trip to Cedar Point in my glasses but hey, who cares!!! Its Cedar Point!

I have been making more bead bracelets. I forgot to take a pic of the one I sent to Jeremiah. I asked him when he got it, but didn’t tell him what it was, to take a pic of it and send it to me so I can post it.

Speaking of Jeremiah…. you know, its really freaky to have a mad crush on one of your best friend’s brothers. I feel like I’m in high school again. Frankly speaking, I guess Beanie is my best friend. Beanie is one of the coolest people on the face of the Earth. She’s smart, she’s fun and funny!!! She doesn’t judge, gives good advice and has put up with me for 20 years. She’s just one of those people that is totally herself no matter what. Guys are drawn to her like flies to shit although she’s all honey.

I’ve realized a few things in my correspondences with Jeremy. One, I’ve had a crush on him for a long time. One of those crushes where you can’t even look at the person for fear they will be able to see right through you. Part of me gets the feeling I wasn’t entirely alone in that crush. Yes, he has a girlfriend, one I think he may spend the rest of his life with, which is a cool thing, not to mention, hard to find. If he didn’t though, I think at this point in my life, I would just throw caution to the wind and go for it.

It was hard for me to admit that he had actually grown up. One day he was just Beanie’s little brother, shorter than me, a little on the heavy side, and now he’s this 6’2″ man. Real man, not a little boy. Every time I look at his pics I think he couldn’t be more than 20 or 21, and shocked to realize that he is in fact, 27 or 28. ACK!!!

I got to keep peeling this onion!!! It sucks to watch something so wonderful go to someone else because I was such a pussy about making a move. It sucks to know had my self-esteem not been so rock bottom, I might have made that move. Life’s lessons are hard learned. Pull up, pull up by the boot straps!!!

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Whatever You Do… Don’t Flinch

September 14, 2004 at 10:08 am (Uncategorized)

I live on the western end of my county and as luck would have it, everything remotely interesting is to the East. Lucky for me because this means I get to drive through the 2 1/2 mile stretch of the teaming metropolis of The Badlands. Truly, the name it really has doesn’t do it justice.

The Badlands is 1/2 industrial and 1/2 porn industry. Where else can you buy brick and block and cock in the span of two feet? In this 2 1/2 mile stretch of roadway you will find two Baptist churches, one is beside a “showbar” and the other beside of a “bookstore.” In between these two is a “video store,” which is roughly the size of a Super Wal-Mart. Don’t forget the three hotels!!! One is sweetly dubbed “The El-Raunch-o.” One of the other smaller hotels made the news a few months back because they found a body wrapped up nice and neat in a trashcan behind it.

One of the bars has been practically destroyed three times by errant vehicles crashing into it. Somehow, one even ended up inside the bar on fire. I watched them lift it out with a crane. Across the street from there is where one of my clients was murdered. A girl was hit by a car crossing the dangerous four-lane highway further down the road. She was trying to get from one bar to another. The car hit her and knocked her down. While she was trying to get up, she got hit again. She never got up again. On the backside of The Badlands are your pot growers and meth labs.

That’s just 2 1/2 miles. Those 2 1/2 miles are heavily patrolled by the County Sheriff, who have a detachment right in the city, State Police and the lovely Badlands cops themselves. Ocassionally they raid the strip clubs. That’s always fun. Its also fun to have encounters with the Badlands cops.

Now, not so many years ago, The Badlands was just that… The Badlands. Then some fucktard got the bright idea of incorporating said “city” for the purpose of collecting B&O taxes from the strip clubs, bookstore, video stores and the industrial businesses. This did nothing more than create something for people to threaten to kill each other over and lead to some indictments for money mishandling, vote buying etc. IN THIS 2 1/2 MILE CITY!! Geez, stuff like that normally only happens on a countywide level.

The first wave of Badlands Cops were the Barney Fife’s of life. The wannabe cops who couldn’t get on at a “real” police department. With the internal shake-up, in which said, “Chief” of Police was outed, all of his Barney Fife buddies were fired and real cops were hired. I’m sorry, did I say cops? I meant CIA wannabes. One of these geniuses even wears his Ray-Bans at night. Yep.

Now, they know my car. They know me, not by name, hopefully, but they know who I hang with. We’ve been pulled over so much I’m surprised they don’t ask where I am if I’m not with them. See, Chay was dating this guy whose family is heavy into the coke/crack trade. So, any association to that family, however minor, is duly noted. On two occasions I have had the pleasure of being tailed through the city. I was not speeding, heaven forbid you go ONE MILE over the speed limit, nor was I changing lanes, weaving or otherwise doing anything out of the ordinary.

And I don’t mean they were just following me, they were thisclose to my bumper. I don’t find this cool nor professional. I give them dirty looks in my mirrors and I keep going. I don’t touch my brake unless I’m going to stop. I don’t look left nor right, I don’t speed up, I don’t slow down. I know its a game of chicken. They want to see if they can make me flinch.

I hate to tell them, but I spent five years in The Badlands before they even thought of coming along. If they want to follow me to the city limits, so be it. I’m getting tired though of being followed into my city and all the way to the turn off for my house. Sometimes I just want to stop the car and ask what their fucking problem is, but that would be flinching and I’ve learned, whatever you do, don’t flinch.

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