Future Serial Killer of the World

September 30, 2004 at 9:42 am (Uncategorized)

Have I bred one?? Seems that some stupid peeps in my circle of life believe I have. From this website I obtained the common characteristics of serial killers which I will list here and then whether my son fits such characteristics.

1. Over 90% of them are white. Yep.

2. They tend to be intelligent with IQs in the “bright normal” range. Yep.

3. In spite of their high IQs they do poorly in school…. Yep, but getting better.

4. They tend to come from markedly unstable families. Typically, they are abandoned as children by their fathers and raised by domineering mothers. Ummm… I wouldn’t say we’re unstable, unstructured perhaps. I’m not domineering, if anything, I’m too easy-going. Relationship with dad is still evolving.

5. Their families often have criminal, psychiatric and alcoholic histories. Afraid so, especially on his dad’s side.

6. They hate their fathers. They hate their mothers. Nope, not at all.

7. They are commonly abused as children – psychologically, physically and sexually. His dad did abuse him physically and psychologically but that is a thing of the past and he’s had counseling.

8. Many of them end up spending time in institutions as children and have records of early psychiatric problems. No institutions but does have marked anxiety, especially separation anxiety but has mainly resolved.

9. They have a high rate of suicide attempts. I hope this never happens.

10. They are intensely interested from an early age in voyeurism, fetishism, and sadomasochistic pornography. Yikes!! Hell no.

In addition to the above list, there are also three more characteristics.

1. Enuresis (bed wetting) – more than 60 % of serial killers were still wetting their beds over the age of twelve. No, once the medication for his seizures kicked in, the bed-wetting stopped. Plus, he’s only 8.

2. Fire starting – children like to play with matches because they are intrigued by the bright, colorful flickering light. But budding serial killers carry this interest to a frightening extreme. (In other words, they enjoy torching things to a smoldering pile of rubble.) Nate is fascinated with lighting matches, watching the grill burn and lighting candles. He has never set anything on fire though.

3. Sadistic activity – before they are big enough to inflict harm on other human beings, future serial killers get their kicks from tormenting small creatures (animal torture.) No way, no how. This is the kid who bawled for two days when his cat died and came home crying because TLC was mean to his cat.

So, what does this all mean? And why in the hell would I post this? Do I really believe my son has the capabilities of being a serial killer? Um, NO!

See, this “good Christian lady” who lives next door and has three girls, oh, and she’s Nate’s babysitter, thinks his fascination with fire is “unnatural.” Ummm… look lady, I’m 33 and I’m still fascinated by fire. Yes, Nate, if given the opportunity, will sit and light matches and blow them out, one after the other, until the book is gone. He’s not setting your house on fire so… shut up. Yes, on his art project he did make a beautiful flower vase with colorful blooms shooting out of the top of it. He just also happened to draw a picture on the inside of the vase of a good guy stabbing a bad guy and blood spurting everywhere. Is this really such a cause for concern?

I mean, its not like he was stabbing a cat or another kid, it was good guy, bad guy. And yes, I did catch him and TLC trying to fashion a spear from an old broomstick, a rather large knife and duct tape, you know, just like the Indians had or, in this case, the Neanderthals on “Ice Age.” I think it showed quite a bit of ingenuity, a potentially dangerous ingenuity, but ingenuity nonetheless. (Matter of fact, I’ve interrupted this particular exercise with various implements on more than one occasion) Is this any different than them removing the lines, hooks and reels from my old fishing poles and using them as swords? Is it any different from them raiding my bathroom and concocting their equivelant of Polyjuice Potion on the porch?

What irritates me about my neighbor, this is not TLC’s mom, is that one childish thing, one mistake, one wrong word and the devil has come to WV. Bullshit. If she’s the one standing there telling me she’s had to fight the school system to keep her 12 year-old daughter in school because she’s threatened, on more than one occasion, to thump another girl then what the fuck is she yakking to me about? Other than her I-was-raised-in-hell-and-I’m-not-taking-any-shit- whether-I’m-a-Christian-or-not-Betty-Badass-the-buck-stops-here-suspicious-untrusting-hard-line-attitude, I’d really, really like her.

For the most part, she is really good for Nate. She’s strict and tough about doing homework immediately after coming home from school, which is one of the reasons why I asked her to watch him. I can’t wait until her two younger daughters become teenagers. I feel as though she’ll be changing her tune real quick about what is “good” and what is “bad” and what is “normal” in kids. Her oldest is a sweet but take-no-shit kid. The two younger are already showing signs of acute rebellion and smart mouths and one of them is only two.

I think Nate is a normal average kid who is learning has he goes, who is bright, creative and prone to making poor judgement calls, but is learning. That is what life is…. learning. I don’t dictate to him how to play or how to be creative, I just ask that he stay away from the dangerous stuff, like fire and knives. If the worst thing he ever does is paint a picture of the good guy stabbing the bad guy or watching a match burn, I will count myself lucky. And kids… just don’t mix the dishwashing detergent with the vinegar and baking soda, m’kay?


  1. Jethro said,

    I don’t mind someone being concerned about my child. Sometimes, it can seem a little ridiculous. My mother inspects our daughters for bruises, cuts, scratches and asks if they were being abused at school. When she hears that a murder was committed in downtown (we live about 30 miles from downtown) she tells us to lock our door. Some people tend to be paranoid. That’s just the way they are. The only thing that I do is I give her a funny look and laugh. Then, she realizes how ridiculous some of her fears are.

  2. Anonymous said,

    Sounds like your neighbor has seen a couple too many Dr. Phil episodes. All kids do stuff like that. Well, except for mine, you understand. :o)


  3. jp said,

    Dammit!!! I’m not anonymous….

  4. Inanna said,

    Jethro – Concern is one thing… believing everything my child does is “abnormal” just irritates the piss out of me. Its like someone always looking for the bad.

    JP – Of course not your children… right.

  5. Cattiva said,

    Nate is perfectly normal. He’s a BOY for cryin’ out loud! Everything you said about Nate going down that list describes my son, too at different stages. I have one of each, and they play totally different. The boy (and his friends) used to do the sticks and swords thing (like you were describing) when he was younger. He’s fascinated by fire now. Nothing I’m concerned about – he’s not setting them. He just likes to watch a candle or matches burn.

    Sounds to me like your neighbor is in denial about her own kids, and instead gives out her “sage advice” to you.

  6. Michael said,

    The fact that you worry about your kid possibly going bad and write about it tells me he won’t.

  7. Queenie said,

    Oh no!
    I hope our sons do not meet up someday and go on some crazy kill only people with blue hair when they look at them funny murdering spree.


  8. evilsciencechick said,

    All boys go through that pyro phase. My brothers used to study the effects of small fires on GI Joe figures in the back yard.

    It taught them that fire + GI Joe = melted plastic horror and bad smell.

    now you know. and knowing is half the battle.

  9. AJ said,

    If a boy is allowed to be a boy, he will be just like your son, Inanna. If a facination with fire, roleplaying with self-fashioned implements, or occasionally wetting the bed automatically meant that you were a serial killer, 90% of all the men of my generation would be Boston Strangler wanabees.

    This kind of stuff is utter bullshit. You’re doing a great job allowing Nate to grow up normal instead of trying to make him a girl.

    Keep it up. 🙂

  10. Willanita said,

    In the things you described- I don’t think serial killer- I think typical, normal boy.

    Good Luck with your Nate- He sounds like a great kid with an awesome imagination.

    Thanks for stopping by my blog.

  11. Leese said,

    I don’t think HB is a candidate for future serial killer. you’re a great mom and i think you’re raising him right. none of us had perfect parents or the perfect childhood and i think we still turned out ok.

  12. pc said,

    Good grief people, grow UP! Not anyone on this blog of course, all of you seem to be intelligent, open minded people.

    But for all of those people who sit back on their asses and pass judgement on others who don’t fit in their narrow-minded views of what is normal, all I have to say is “PISS OFF!!” Don’t assign charcteristics to me or mine when you don’t really know me or mine. Nate is a perfectly normal boy. I can speak from experience since I was also a perfectly normal boy and my younger brother was also a perfectly normal boy.

    Did we play with fire?? Yes, and we got our asses whipped for it too when we decided to play with fire and gasoline at the same time. Did we sword-play with sharpened wooden stakes?? Yes, and we had the bruises and scratches to proove it. We were BOYS!!! We were learning to be tough and we liked it!!

    Am I a serial killer in training?? NO! Probably as far from it as possible since I work in law enforcement and help killers get convicted and put away.

    So I say Phooey on your neighbor. Until she has a boy or two of her own, she’s in no place to judge. And since I grew up knowing her AND her brother, I can say for a fact that if her brother could grow up acting the way he did and NOT end up a serial killer, then Nate is perfectly safe, and she should know that.

  13. Inanna said,

    Catt – I think she seriously needs a boy.

    Michael – Thank you dear.

    Queenie – Oh no! Perhaps we should join them!

    Bunsen – Oh yeah, I did find a burned up GI Joe… hmmmm… guess they learned from that.

    Willanita – Wonderful imagination… I love him and he is a great kid, even if he is mine.

    Leese – You’re absolutely right.

    pc – Thanks bud. You should know since you’ve known him since in utero. Also, about Babysitter Neighbor, I forgot about you knowing her family, good thought about HER brother.

  14. Zelda said,

    Inanna – I don’t think this woman knows what she’s talking about. She sounds a little like my mom who raised all girls. They don’t understand boys. Boys play that way.

    I haven’t met a little boy yet who didn’t want to play with spears or swords or even {paranoid yelp} guns. They have a protective instinct and this is natural to them. Like anything, it can go too far, but from what you are describing, I don’t see anything even remotely eyebrow raising. In fact this is one of your most boring posts! 🙂 Just kidding.

    Anyway, it sounds as if this lady may have something to offer your son in the way of homework discipline, so take that for what it’s worth and ignore the rest. I think she just doesn’t understand boys.

  15. Esther said,

    My brothers turned out relatively normal, iow, no serial killers. I do recall them dipping a frog in perafin/spirits and setting fire to the frog. The frog was good for at least 2 or 3 trips across the backyard, all aflame. They also tried to drown my cat, which didn’t work.
    Statistically you can prove anything if you try hard enough

  16. lucidkim said,

    I played with fire whenever I could as a kid – even until I was in college – when I nearly burned down my dorm room (ok, it wasn’t even close, but I did scare myself). Glad no one labeled me as a potential serial killer. 😉 I understand, one thing to show concern, another to act like your son isn’t normal. Beatdown. kim

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