Triple Humor Post

August 26, 2004 at 6:59 pm (Uncategorized)

Part I: A LITTLE DITTY

I’m too sexy for my blog
too sexy for my crogs
Johnny, Jack, Daz

I’m too sexy for my bra
too sexy for the law
too sexy to work this job.

And I’m too sexy for my cats
Too sexy for my brat
Too sexy for my un-der-wear

I am sexy like the Leese
and sexy like the Fleece
and sexy like the Va-der-grrrl WHAP!

I’m too sexy for the Seek
and he’s too sexy for the meek
We’re too sexxx-y

I’m too sexy for my coffee
as sexy as the Slothy
I’m too sexxx-y

Part II – JUDGE SPARKS RULES!!

This an actual Order written by The Honorable Sam Sparks, United States District Judge: (for the record, this is legal for me to place this here since this is an open case and is a matter of public record… I wish all judges were like Judge Sparks) I could not get this damn thing to look right…

In The United States District Court
For The Western District of Texas
Austin Division

KLEIN-BECKER, LLC, and BASIC RESEARCH, LLC,

Plaintiffs,

vs. Case No.: A-03-CA-871-SS

WILLIAM STANLEY and BODYWORX.COM,
INC.,

Defendants.

ORDER

BE IT REMEMBERED, on the 21st day of July, 2004 and the Court took time to make its daily review of the above-captioned case, and thereafter, enters the following:

When the undersigned accepted the appointment from the President of the United States of the position now held, he was ready to face the daily practice of law in federal courts with presumably competent lawyers. No one warned the undersigned that in many instances his responsibility would be the same as a person who supervised kindergarten. Frankly, the undersigned would guess the lawyers in this case did not attend kindergarten as they never learned how to get along well with others. Notwithstanding the history of filings and antagonistic motions full of personal insults and requiring multiple discovery hearings, earning the disgust of the Court, the lawyers continue ad infinitum. On July 20, 2004, the Court’s schedule was interrupted by an emergency motion so the parties’ deposition, which began on July 20, would and could proceed until 6:30 in the evening. No intelligent discussion of the issue was accomplished prior to the filing and service of the motion, even though the lawyers were in the same room. Over a telephone conference, the lawyers, of course, had inconsistent statements as to support their positions. On July 20, 2004, the Court entered an order allowing the plaintiffs/counter-defendants until July 23, 2004 (two days from today) to answer a counterclaim. Yet, on July 21, 2004, Bodyworx.com, Inc.’s lawyers filed a motion for reconsideration of that Court order arguing the pleadings should have been filed by July 19, 2004.

The Court simply wants to scream to these lawyers, “Get a life” or “Do you not have any other cases?” or “When is the last time you registered for anger management classes?”

Neither the world’s problems nor this case will be determined by an answer to a counterclaim which is four days late, even with the approval of the presiding judge.

If the lawyers in this case do not change, immediately, their manner of practice and start conducting themselves as competent to practice in the federal court, the Court will contemplate and may enter an order requiring the parties to obtain new counsel.

In the event it is not clear from the above discussion, the Motion for Reconsideration is DENIED.

SIGNED this the 21st day of July, 2004.

/Sam Sparks
UNITED STATES DISTRICT JUDGE

JUDGE SPARKS FOR PRESIDENT!!!!

PART III – THE ALLEY

I step into the alley to smoke and notice a dude kinda leaned over… er up against our dumpster to the left. I keep moving to the right and across the alley to my “spot.” I realize the dude is taking a piss… on our dumpster. His piss is flooding the alley. A few thousand things come to mind to say… none seem quite right. He zips it up, comes staggering by me and says,

“Yeah, uh, sorry ’bout that.” I raised my cigarette and he almost falls face-first. I wish he had fallen face-first, right in his own piss. I guess that wasn’t too funny.


1 Comment

  1. phoebe said,

    how could no one have commented on this? I cracked up … particularly at Judge Sparks’s motion. thanks for the laugh, sister spirit.

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