July 21, 2004 at 12:26 am (Uncategorized)

I was going to post about something fun but decided not to. I can post about that great concert in Germany any time.   Thank you all for your comments and support.  That was a very cathartic thing, being able to rant and rave and let the hurt out.  Now, I’m at peace.  I know this was the best decision for me and for him.  He didn’t have a say in the matter but… eh.

Lex finally decided to talk to me today.  He did not ackowledge in any way anything I said in my messages to him over the weekend.  I’m surprised he got the balls up to talk to me.  No, I didn’t let him have it again.  I had said all I was going to say about how he treated me.  I just told him that I knew he was unhappy living here and wondered why he stayed.  Money.

Fair enough.  It was ackward and he’s still closed and, well, rude, but either we’ll make it as friends or we won’t. 

The most important thing about being with Lex is what I learned.  I learned, he’s not my ONE. He’s not the guy that will make me happy.  I tried very hard with him.  But, I learned, I shouldn’t have to.  Love, is simple, so sayeth a friend of mine.  It really is.  Its as simple as sitting and watching a Disney movies until 4 a.m. and enjoying it, without saying a word, only holding hands, comfortable silence within the depths of cats and toys and enough clutter and junk to fill a landfill. 

It is as simple as standing in front of a mirror with them behind you.  You can see you, you can see them, they can see you and they can see themselves.  That is beauty, that is whole, that is complete.  Its the merest touch of a hand, its a smile.  Its darkness and light, male and female, acceptance and understanding.  Simply though, its not them seeing what we see in ourselves, its them seeing who we truly are.  The core.  Its the puzzle piece that fits our piece, exactly.  The strengths meeting the weaknesses, the dawn and the dusk, the moon and the sun.

But simply, its realizing that although we may be weak, we have faults, we’ve been beaten and scorned, hurt and betrayed… we see all that is wrong with ourselves but they see everything that is right.  And we see everything that is right with them. We match.  We’re complete and whole.  It is really that simple.  (Thanks J. and C. for helping me see that.)


  1. Anonymous said,

    Love ya’ darlin’.

    Sister Venus

  2. Zelda said,

    Good for you.

  3. Sloth said,

    You are so inspiring! I am holding out hope for me too.

  4. phoebe said,

    this is lovely, Sister Spirit — and it’s just good to read your words and get the sense of something good settling deep in you, even from this. you’re amazing.

  5. Cootera said,

    It’s a beautiful gift to be able to verbalize that particular type of pain. May the peeling go more and more smoothly, Inanna. And I think it will…

  6. Jenn said,

    Love should be simple shouldn’t it. I think the love is, but relationships take so much work and if both people are not willing to do the work then everything gets all tangled up and confused.

  7. AJ said,

    Inanna: I feel ashamed that it has been a week since my last visit to your blog and that I wasn’t here to join in with all your other friends to lend you the support you deserve in a time such as this.

    Please forgive my flakiness.

    “I am beautiful and intelligent, loyal, faithful, loving and giving. I’m strong but I’m also soft.”

    That you are and much more, my friend. Some lucky man will be the benefactor of those wonderful traits one day, and will make you as happy as you will make him.

    Keep your chin up, girl. You are indeed loved by many here.


  8. Inanna said,

    Thank you all very much. I am very much at peace with the decision I made and I appreciate your support. I’m ready to bury this though and move on to making some onion rings. I’ve got a lot to say about many things that I’ve learned just in the past week so check back for more wierd wisdom. And JP – all is well – I missed ya but I’m glad you had a chance to try out all the beds in your house.

  9. Vadergrrrl said,


    LEX is a Idiot!
    He is not the guy from Survivor with the Mohawk? LOL


  10. Seeker said,

    Lex from Survivor Rules!
    I think, perhaps, this guy isn’t anywhere close to him.

    And damn it I was wondering where the fook ya was all day! Now I know.

  11. Vadergrrrl said,

    hi sweetie. one of my good friends is reading your blog, and loving your writing. your such a goddess.

    dont believe the texass twosome. they are pretending. its not real. i know this for a fact.


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