Signal Ahead

May 27, 2004 at 6:06 pm (Uncategorized)

Blondness overrode brains the first time I saw a sign that said “Signal Ahead.” To me, signal meant “to signal” as in, “which direction are you going dear?” Of course it means that there is a stoplight ahead that may be hidden from view until that 20 miles over the speed limit you were going becomes a real problem when traffic is stopped 1/4 of a mile from “the signal.”

I wish occasionally that little “Signal Ahead” sign would pop up in a dream or in the middle of the road on a tipsy night as a warning that your beloved is about to detour. I remember thinking as a child that “up” was “north” and “down” was “south.” Of course when your relatives live “down South” you can understand this bit of confusion.

Imagine you’re puttering along on a nice easterly course, something like a tornado cutting through Kansas, when suddenly the newest love of your life cuts off the main road and begins heading south. Do you follow? Does a bear shit in the woods? When a man has a sullen look on his face do you ask “what’s wrong?” Of course, like a lemming, you follow.

But where was the signal? There are no signal lights on the road of love, bumps yeah, signal lights, NOOOOO. Why is this? Because we’re inane when it comes to figuring the signals that others send us. We all have our own agenda and read that again if you disagree.

No, no, no don’t hand me that crap about how you want the two of you to agree on your course of action. Be honest and admit, YOU HAVE AN AGENDA. You merely hope the other person’s agenda matches yours or they may be sufficiently swayed, through sex or food or both, together, to agree with your agenda. That’s why we can’t figure each other out.

“Ah ha moments” aside, eventually you get the picture. And then its the same old boring “why didn’t I see the signs?” BECAUSE YOU HAD YOUR OWN AGENDA!! Work with me here! The signs are there, we just choose to ignore them. Then again, it could be like that drip, I seem to be a drip-magnet, the one that always slows down to turn onto to a different street, to go in a different direction and never turns a blinker on and that’s me, the blonde in the black car, yelling, “SIGNAL!”

And while we’re at it, back on that easterly course in Kansas, why wasn’t there a witch of the south mentioned in “The Wizard of Oz?” To keep you from going back to watch the film, you have the Wicked Witch of the East, the house fell on her folks, and we know the WWotW and Glinda, GWotN…South? Hello? Am I the only one of thinks of these things? See, I didn’t signal…isn’t that annoying?

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